Chapter 36—Jade
Dad and I sit down on opposite sides of the fire pit. I don’t even know where to start. I feel sick to my stomach. “What’s going on Jade? Did something bad happen?” he asks. “No Dad, nothing bad. I just need to talk to you about something.” “Okay sweetie. Go ahead. You guys were scaring me.” “Oh, sorry, I just have a lot on my mind. Please just bear with me, okay? I have some things to say and I'm not sure how. This is hard for me.” I tell him honestly. “Don’t worry Jade, you can tell me anything. Take your time. I'm listening.”
I take a few deep breaths and then begin. “That day we met Raine and Hope at the coffee shop, I was really happy for you to have met someone nice. You have been single for so long. It’s time for you to be happy again. And I thought Hope was a really nice woman. The more time we spent together, I realized that you both really cared about each other.” I'm not able to look Dad in the eye. He’s waiting patiently for me to continue. I'm twisting the bottom of my shirt with my fingers. “And then, you told us that you wanted to be more. That you loved her and you would one day marry her.” “Yes, I remember it all very clearly sweetheart. What is it, do you not want me to marry Hope?” he asks confused. “No Dad, that’s not it at all. I think Hope is wonderful for you. After hearing their story, I loved her even more. But the problem is that I love Raine too. I mean, I'm in love with Raine like you are in love with Hope.” I finally look up into his eyes. I see understanding dawn on him. And then pain.
“Jade, you can’t possibly know what it means to be in love with someone. You aren’t even 18 yet. What do you know about love?” he asks coldly. “I know how you loved Mom. I know how you treat someone that you care about. I know what I feel. I'm not a child. I have feelings Dad just like you do. I grew up a lot when Mom died. I know who I want, and that’s Raine.” I tell him pointedly. He stands and is pacing back and forth. “Do you know how ridiculous you sound right now? You aren’t in love with him. You care about him certainly, just like I do. But you don’t know the first thing about relationships and commitment.” His voice is raised, and his face is turning red.
“Dad, what if Raine was just a boy I met at school? Would we even be having this conversation?” He stops pacing and looks at me sternly. “No, we wouldn’t, because you wouldn’t think you were in love with a boy you met at school. You haven’t even dated anyone Jade. You have so much ahead of you to look forward to. Your art career for one. Why would you want to be tied down to a relationship right now?” “I don’t consider my relationship with Raine being tied down. I love him. I want to spend my life with him. Did you consider yourself being tied down when you married Mom? Were you tied down because you guys had me?” I ask in frustration. Now my voice is raised too. “How dare you even compare this little crush you have to my relationship with your Mother. Of course, you guys didn’t make me feel tied down. But I had a career and a goal in life before I started my family.”
“A little crush huh? That’s what you think I'm trying to tell you right now? I started falling for Raine the moment we met in that coffee shop. You hadn’t even shown up yet. I have spent as much time with him as you have with Hope. I have every right to feel the way I do. Just because you are older than me doesn’t mean I can’t feel love the way you do. This isn’t some crush. He loves me too. We want to be together. I am telling you this because we wanted to be open with you. I wanted to be completely honest. We want to have a real relationship with each other.”
“So, are you telling me that you two are dating and that I have no say in the matter?” he yells. “No, that’s not it at all. I'm saying that I love him and that I want your blessing. I'm saying that I wanted you to be a part of my life and to share in my joys and my sorrows. When I heard how he grew up. I was in just as much pain as you were to hear Hopes story. But I couldn’t hold him and show him that I was there for him the way you did. I had to hide my feelings. And I'm tired of it. I want my Dad to help me when I don’t know what to say to Raine. I want you to comfort me if we get in an argument. I love you, and I want your approval.” I plead.
“Well, you aren’t getting it Jade. I love Hope and I am marrying her. And Raine will be your brother. Not your boyfriend. Not your husband. Your brother. And that’s it. You better get used to the idea and quick. I don’t want to hear about this again. Get over it, Jade. Pick someone else.” He says as he walks back into the house and slams the door.
I sit outside alone for a long time. Just thinking. Going over the conversation in my head. What we both said. What I should have said differently. I knew he wouldn’t like the idea. But I didn’t think it would be this bad. That he would belittle me and treat me like a child. My Dad has never treated me this way before. I don’t even know what to do. I can’t just “forget about it” and move on to someone else. I would never ask him to do such a thing. He said that he would die for Hope and Raine. Does he not realize that I feel the same way? What is Raine going to do when I tell him? I can’t stay here. I have to get away. I decide to go to Skye’s. I walk around to the front of the house through the back yard and get in my Jeep. The last thing I do before I take off is text Raine. “It didn’t go well”.