"What do you want to eat?" Kayler asked Kylie once they were in the kitchen. "I'm really nervous, and I'm not sure how to act either. I started taking things out of the fridge so we could eat."
"Hmm, popcorn," Kylie responded, bouncing in her chair.
"That's not dinner, Kylie. I'll have to go to the supermarket to buy some food. Carolina?" Kayler called my attention. As he had his back turned, I turned to look at him. "Will you come with us? I don't want to take away the food you've bought. I'll cover the expenses while I'm here," he murmured, seeming a bit shy. Maybe because he also doesn't know how to act in this situation. Still, it was endearing to see him nervous. It made me want to hug him to help him relax, but obviously, I won't. At least I'm not the only one feeling uncomfortable.
"I'm not sure if it's a good idea," I started saying.
"Come on, I can't leave you alone either," he approached. "Besides, I enjoy your company."
"You just want me to come along because you won't know what to buy," I teased.
He chuckled softly.
"That too. Shall we?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Fine."
"Let's go to the supermarket, Kylie," Kayler said as he carried her in his arms.
I try my best not to let this situation affect me, but it's so difficult. Breathe, Carolina, breathe.
"Yes!" Kylie exclaimed. "You'll buy me a doll!"
"Yes, that's fine."
I followed Kayler to the car, with Kylie in the back seat and me in the passenger seat as usual. He started the engine.
"I see Gadreel decided to leave," he muttered on the way. "He didn't have to, but it's better that way. At least he knew his place."
I clenched my hands.
"Don't start, Kayler Brown," I snapped. I still haven't gotten over Gadreel leaving and abandoning me just like that. "Gadreel has been the only honest person in my life."
"We both know that's not true. He tried to sacrifice you a few weeks ago."
I closed my eyes for a few seconds.
"That's not as serious as what you've done," I lowered my voice so Kylie wouldn't hear. "And I don't want to start talking about this, please."
"It's just that if I don't initiate a conversation, you don't speak," he reproached. "I miss everything; I wish everything could be like before."
I sighed.
"If I'm not talking, it's because I have nothing to say. Besides, we're not friends, we're nothing. If we're together, it's for certain reasons, nothing more."
"You didn't think the same thing the other night," he reminded me of when we made love.
"Lower your voice, Kylie is here," I scolded.
"Kylie doesn't understand these things."
"If what happened the other night happened, it was just a farewell."
"I don't think so, Carolina," he smirked arrogantly. "We'll see what happens these nights."
I looked out the window towards the town. What did he mean by that? Does he think that he and I can sleep together again? Not in his dreams. Deep down, I yearn to be in his arms again and feel him inside me, but no, I have to be strong and have willpower.
When we arrived at the supermarket, he parked, took Kylie out of the car, and the three of us entered. Kayler grabbed a cart, and we went through the aisles. It surprises me how he throws the first thing he finds into the cart. I stood there with my arms crossed, just watching what he does. It stresses me out.
"Why are you taking that?" I asked when I saw him picking up the wrong kind of oil.
"It's oil," he said.
"Yes, but that's not good," I rolled my eyes and put the bottle back. "Let me handle it, Kayler, you don't know anything." I took charge of the shopping myself.
"As you wish, Mrs. Brown."
I pressed my lips together to refrain from saying something I might regret later. I forgot how annoying Kayler Brown can be when he tries to push my buttons. That's what he's looking for, I know. But I won't give him the satisfaction. Kylie kept telling him that she wanted a teddy bear and some dolls. Kayler had no choice but to buy them.
Kayler clearly has no idea how to be a father. It's more like he's an uncle indulging his niece.
"That's everything," I said. The cart was filled to the brim with things, at least we'll have a stocked pantry for the next few weeks.
"Perfect, let's go pay. Can you help me?" he pointed at Kylie. I sighed and took Kylie's hand while Kayler took the cart to the cashier.
"I really like dolls," the girl said. The truth is, I've never gotten along with children; they've always hated me and start crying when I'm around. Maybe it's because I don't have that maternal instinct. Not yet. I'm surprised Kylie hasn't started crying yet.
"That's good, Kylie," I played along.
"I miss my mommy."
"You'll see her soon," I encouraged her.
"I also miss Uncle Elias. He takes me fishing every weekend!"
"That's nice, Kylie," I continued to go along with it.
"Done," Kayler said once he paid.
"Let's go, Kylie," I took the girl's hand and headed towards the car. I put her in the back seat and closed her door. Then I helped put the bags in the trunk of the car.
"Thanks for making the effort," Kayler said to me.
"You have no idea how much effort I'm making."
"I know, darling," he took my hand. I glared at him, but Kayler pulled me closer and hugged me. "I hate being distant from you, Carolina, but I have a feeling we'll be together again. I just know it."
"We'll see," I pulled away and went to sit in the passenger seat. My heart is racing a thousand miles per hour because I'm restraining myself from giving in to temptation. Being close to Kayler and knowing that we're not together makes me feel so bad. I love him more than anything in this world, and I'm going to have a baby with the love of my life, but nothing is the same.
Kayler gets in the driver's seat and starts the car.
•
When we arrive home, Kylie stays in the living room watching cartoons on TV while Kayler and I are in the kitchen.
"I can make dinner," I offered, implying that he doesn't have to be here.
"You can't stand for too long, Carolina. Sit down for a moment while I make it," he suggests.
"Kayler, I'm not disabled."
"But you need to rest, you haven't stopped all day. It could harm the baby."
It's just a tiny bean growing in my belly.
"Fine, better for me," I shrugged and sat down. "Then make dinner," I teased him.
"It's your turn to make breakfast," he points out. "I'll make a chicken salad, something healthy."
"Better make a burger with fries."
"Carolina, you need to eat healthy," he scolds me.
I rolled my eyes and let out a deep sigh.
Why are we acting like we're together? I don't understand.