I took her hand, pulling her into the seat as the lights began to lift in the theater. "We all have different sides and sometimes we prefer to hide a few of them from those who might challenge them. I prefer to keep various aspects of my life very private."
"To protect yourself." She studied the way I was fingering her hand, even tilting her head as I rubbed each finger individually. "Often letting go, sharing a portion that you feel most vulnerable about is about trust. Respect. I think you're a man who understands that clearly. You want people to trust you, but you can't let go of the fear, concern, and anger that seems to consume you." She lifted her head, enabling her to look directly into my eyes. "I don't believe it has anything to do with your dangerous position or the fact you have to portray a certain persona. Whatever deep-seated aspects of your life caused you so much pain, you can't break free of the noose around your neck."
Her words were truly profound, another tearing away of my armor. "Again, I have my reasons."
"That you won't tell me because you don't trust me."
"Oddly enough, I do trust you more than perhaps I should. What demons lie beneath the surface have been with me for years. Protection is vital for so many reasons. If I were to let my guard down for even a few minutes, there are people who could destroy all I've worked so hard to achieve."
"But you allowed your guard to fall with me, if only for a few seconds," she said, giving me her signature whimsical smile. She crowded my space, daring me to challenge her portrayal of me. I couldn't. "Does that mean I'm worth the risk?"
I found myself holding back, knowing that if I allowed that very guard she mentioned to fall one additional time, there would be no way of picking up the pieces. She was very much worth the risk, but only for my life. Not for those I loved. And still, I found my attraction far too disruptive, the need I'd had for her before heightened. I leaned forward, easing my hand around her neck, the hold gentler than the others had been. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't."
The words were so simple for her to say. She slid her hand around my neck, pulling me closer. Everything about her was intoxicating, stimulating in ways that were difficult to push aside. Every cell was on fire, my mind reeling with wants and needs, fears and concerns. I'd played a dangerous game and I refused to allow her to be a victim because of anyone's greed. Whatever her brother had done to convince her to become an assassin had affected her tremendously. She'd lived not only a dangerous life, but one that was equally as lonely as mine.
Could I trust her enough with what I considered to be my greatest secret, my ultimate weakness? The answer was yes, but this was about others who would take the opportunity to take away all I cared about.
Including her.
The woman I loved, enough so my heart ached.
As she pressed her lips against mine, I allowed her the freedom of control, delicately exploring my mouth.
Willow cupped my face with her other hand, quivering as she darted her tongue just inside. My hunger was just as savage, just as daunting as it had been before, only this time, I didn't want to lose her.
I crushed her against me, enjoying the sweet taste and the closeness, our kiss as two lovers would do. I felt her hand pushing against my chest, breaking the connection but she didn't jerk away from me, her desire to remain close chilling.
I fingered the single strand of curled hair against her cheek, enjoying the silky feel. I wasn't romantic, or at least I hadn't been in years, but she brought out everything that had been decent and loving. "We should go."
"I know." As she leaned back, she took another look at the stage. "This has been a magical night. While I understand this was about business, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute, brooding Russian and all."
I was surprised at her easy laughter, as if all was forgiven. Somehow, I knew better.
I also knew that the devil was lurking, the past ready to consume any possibility of the future.
For only the second time in my life, true fear swept through my system. She stood out on the balcony on a cloudless night, staring up at the stars, a glass of wine in her hand. I remained inside, my heart racing from seeing the continued happiness on her face. I realized sequestering her couldn't last forever, but at least tonight we were both freed from the chains.
For now.
I held the glass of scotch in my hand, loathing the fact I couldn't come down off the edge. There were questions that needed answers, information that must be shared. And I hated the concept. I walked out onto the balcony, keeping my distance, much like the night at the hotel. I could tell she'd registered my presence, her body tensing if only for a few seconds.
The light breeze was welcoming, the full moon shimmering against a backdrop of lights, all highlighting the nation's capital. For so many the city was a place of reverence, a location where democracy had been formed, the basics of human rights forged from the evils of war.
In my native country, battles were fought every day, men and women vying to maintain their existence amongst the harshest of conditions. I'd been lucky, my family afforded a great honor. Now it had been threatened by the same bastards who'd allowed our freedom.
And Peter was a part of the dark realm.
"Some say wishing on a star will make all your dreams come true," Willow mused as she pointed up toward the sky.
"I have no wishes that anyone will ever fulfill."
"You don't have a single dream, a hope that keeps you going?" she pressed.
My skin prickled at the thought. "There is no room for dreaming in my profession. That can only make you weak, allowing your enemies the possibility of taking away everything that matters."
"You sound like a broken man, Aleksei. What destroyed your faith in humanity?"
I exhaled, my grip on the glass white-knuckled. "I never had any faith. I always knew the grim reaper would snake out his claws one day, destroying the precious and tentative hold on life."
"How very sad. I fear for your soul but only you can make a change in your life. No one else."
Her words were true enough, but the circumstances around doing so were impossible. I lifted my glass in a toast to the eventuality of what would occur. Fighting the Solntsevskayas would take everything I had. I doubted I would be comfortable with our losses even if we won. "You speak of truths."
Willow kept her position, but her body relaxed. "The truth is also important to me. I remember very little about my parents, but one thing my father used to say was that truth would set you free. I've been chained my entire life, required to fulfill duties that I had no choice in."
I fingered the paperwork that I'd had in my jacket since prior to leaving for the evening. What Maksim had discovered could rock her world. "There are some things you need to know."
She took a sip of her wine before moving the glass from hand to hand. "I accept the fact my brother is involved in criminal activity. I also realize that you're hiding certain details, no doubt in order to protect me. I learned a long time ago that Peter was not the most honorable man, but it was my choice to ignore all the signs. That guilt is entirely on my shoulders. The fact innocent people likely died because of the drugs he brought into the country sickens me more every day. I can't fathom the tragedy, the horrors that so many families are going through. I am sickened at heart, disgusted with myself. There is nothing you can say that will change that fact. Nothing."
I removed my hand from my jacket pocket and took calculated steps closer. "You had no way of knowing the full effect. Peter was a master at hiding his illegal business practices."
She sighed and darted a glance in my direction. "I knew. I fell into his trap. I am as much to blame as the man who pretends to care about me. My own brother."
There was nothing to solve by shattering the rest of her world, at least not tonight. She would need to learn the full truth prior to the meeting, but while I'd always fashioned myself to be a heartless man, this I refused to do. I crowded her space, taking the glass from her hand. "I'm so sorry that your life has been turned upside down."