CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT

AXEL:

Three years ago…

Julia and Had ley lay entwined under a blanket on the couch. Sharp jealousy coupled with an all too familiar ache burgeoned in my chest. The TV flickered with some sit-com; the volume set on low. I grabbed the remote from the floor near Adderley's yellow sneaker and hit the power button with my thumb. The apartment drowned in darkness.

I welcomed the gloom. It kept me from seeing Had ley so content and at ease with her lover, reminding me of what I lost.

The ache spread throughout my torso. I pulled at my T-shirt, trying to relieve the pain and the thought of calling Shondra rose in my mind.

I shouldn't.

I couldn't.

I will.

My phone was in my hand, pressing number one on my speed dial. When it connected, I promised myself to hang up when she answered as all I needed to hear was her breezy "hello" to reassure me everything was right with the world.

Too late, I thought when I realized I hadn't hidden my number.

"Hello, Axel," Shondra said with a voice made from sunshine and sugar. "I'm glad you called."

***

My father had grown smaller since I'd last spent time with him—the night we had dinner before my last graduation. Since that time, I had thought more about the garlic bread shards than I'd thought of him.

He'd left early that day, right after the Dean called my name. Said he had a situation that needed to be handled. I hadn't admitted it, but that shit hurt. What could be more important than seeing your only child graduate?

For my law school graduation, he planned to take me out to dinner. Me and Shondra. I politely declined for both of us. The bridge between my father no longer existed. Burned beyond all recognition, shit was nothing but ash. Nothing left to build on, and as far I was concerned, only raging water passed underneath our father-son bond.

Besides, Shondra and I had our own plans, and they included nothing more than room service and an enormous bed at a five-star hotel.

My peers and I filed into the seats, waiting for the speeches to end and our names to be called. I swiveled my head this way and that to find Sho among the throng of relatives and well-wishes.

It was easy.

She sat next to my father, plucking the graduation program from his hands like they were old friends. He leaned over to tell her something, and she laughed.

Fucking strange. When did they become buddy-buddy?

I thought she'd wanted to stay clear of him as much as me.

I kept craning my neck to look back at them as they smiled and talked to each other. The announcer had to call my name twice before I tore my eyes away.

***

Shondra gave me the side-eye when I hugged my father with one arm, thanked him for coming, and led her away. "Axel, you didn't have to run your father off like that. He wanted to spend time with you."

I forgave her expression because she looked damn good in her fuchsia dress and silver sandals. That shit would soon be on the floor of our hotel suite and damn if I could wait.

"He's coming to Chicago to settle the property I bought. I'll spend time with him then." I wouldn't have to suffer his presence after that. I'd be in charge of my trust. With major wealth came major power. The power to cut dead weight out of my life for good.

I would be my own man. A man who only needed to win back his woman to make his life complete.

"Look, Shondra," I said, pulling her into my arms. "I don't want to worry about him. I want to discuss what's going to happen with us?" We had fallen back into how we were, right before my father's ultimatum had fucked up my life. The familiarity and ease were there, just as it had been in the beginning, and I would not ruin it with subjects that still rankled me raw.

I didn't even bring up how close Shondra and my father were with each other.

At that time, I didn't care.

I'd pay for my lack of curiosity later.

Shondra lifted a brow and her fuchsia lips pouted. "Us, Axel? Is there still an us?"

"Of course, there is. There always will be, Shondra. I'm done with my father's rule. I've graduated and I'm my own man. No one can ever separate us again."

There was something behind her eyes I should have noted. Something I hadn't seen before—a slow anger just below the surface. I was so caught up in the love and lust I felt that only afterward on reflection did I see the signs of her scheme to hurt me once again.

***

Shondra didn't want room service. She didn't even want to talk about Had ley or our future.

She started her attack as we rode up in the elevator to our suite. Nothing but hands, lips and fingers. They were all over. Everywhere and anywhere I had dreamed about for three long years.

Once behind closed doors, we didn't even make it to the bedroom. She tore off my blue shirt with impatient hands, causing the buttons to fly helter-skelter over the carpet. Her exquisite fingers scrambled at the belt of my khakis until they were down around my knees.

Shondra nipped at my chest. Little pecks that were too quick to leave marks on my skin, but made their way deep into my heart.

"Ease up, Sho. We have all the time in the world," I said as she sank to her knees.

She pulled at my tanks just enough to release me. "Time passes all too quickly, Axel." She ran her fingers gently down my length and then back up again. I sucked in a breath and willed my eyes to stay open. I wanted to watch everything she was going to do to me.

As she flipped her hair behind her shoulders, she gave me a clue. "We'd better make the most of it while we can."

I was far from disagreeing as she took me in her mouth.

***

I'd returned her earlier favor. Twice.

Finally, having her under my mouth again was like getting a high from the most addictive drug in the world. I never wanted the feeling to end, but all good things must.

With a vengeance.

We lay with our hands entwined. She was on my chest, listening to the now steady beat of my heart. It had taken a long time for my pulse to return to normal. I was about to rev it up again when she asked a question.

"Why do you help Had ley in the kitchen and you never helped me?"

Since the night I ghost dialed her, or thought I had. Shondra and I talked every day via Face Time. She met Had ley over the Internet and her girlfriend Julia as well. She wanted to see my daily life and my place in Boston.

I showed her everything.

We talked while I was in the shower. When I went to the gym. While Had ley and I cooked. Even when I spread my books on the kitchen table and claimed I was studying. We talked all the time as much as we could.

And I fucking loved her eyes on me.

"I didn't help you because I was too busy watching you. Every single move you made. I love watching you, Sho, especially when you're doing something so simple as stirring a pot or seasoning a meal. And when you sneak a taste...fuck Shondra. You don't know how I love seeing your eyes close and that sweet tongue of yours licking at your lips.

She raised off of me, gazing intently into my eyes. There was a softness there, a forgiveness perhaps, but I couldn't tell as she closed them too quickly.

Shondra lay back on the pillow, tugging the covers down past her hips. Her legs parted ever so slightly. A whisper of thighs on the sheets.

I moved down the length of her, placing soft kisses as I went.

She giggled when I pulled up the blanket and covered my head.

She groaned when I delved into her center...

In the morning she'd left. No note. No apology. No nothing.

I sat in the room all day. Waiting for a sign. A signal. A lightning bolt.

The hotel called asking if I wanted a late checkout. I told them to fuck off.

I waited until midnight. I gave love one day to get it right. It didn't. For the second time she'd let me down and cast me aside to twist in the cold, dark wind.

From then on, I was dead inside. Dead because I no longer believed in love everlasting.