Revenge abandonment

"Fuck! I'm sorry I said that, baby. None of that shit was true. Now either get in the car or I'll put you in myself," he growls at me.

"You're still the fucking asshole I see. I despise you!" I yell standing in front of him.

"I know," he says simply.

I rub my chest with my hand, trying to ease the pain. It's like my chest is burning.

"We could have been friends or you could have left me alone, but you chose to destroy me. was it worth it? All the things you've done to me, did they justify your hatred for me?" I whisper my question to him.

He doesn't answer. He stares at me, clenching his jaw. I know he's not going to answer me. I don't care anymore because I'm exhausted from baring my soul to him.

"So, can we go? I'm tired," I say letting out a long sigh and walking to the passenger side. He gets there before me, opens the door for me and gets me inside. He buckles me in and comes around to the driver's side. I don't have the strength to analyze his actions, so I lean my head against the door and close my eyes. A moment later, I feel him grab my hand with his tightly before he starts driving.

I return to the unknown because it is what it is. I don't know what to expect from him and I'm almost afraid to find out. I'm already on the edge of the cliff I've been standing on and one little thing could push me over.....

RAYAN

"We could have been friends or you could have left me alone, but instead you chose to destroy me. was it worth it? All the things you've done to me, did they justify your hatred for me?" the question whispers to me, but I don't answer, because I can't. There are so many things I want to tell her, but I can't. I don't want her to know the truth. I don't want her to know the truth.

I already know that the truth may be what pushes her over the edge and I don't want that to happen. I love her and if she knows the truth, especially if she knows that I've known all along, she'll realize that I'm a much bigger asshole than I thought I was. Now that I've admitted I have feelings for her, I can't lose her to my own bullshit.

"Can we go then? I'm tired," she tells me, letting out a sigh before heading to the passenger side of my car. I get there before her and open the door for her. I make sure she gets in before buckling her in.

I hear the tiredness in her voice and that uneasy feeling creeps back into my chest. When I get into my side of the car, I see that she is leaning against the door with her eyes closed. I grab her hand with mine. I feel her stiffen, but she doesn't open her eyes. I don't care, because I keep holding her hand as I put the car in gear to take us home.

I'm a mess right now. Everything I've known and everything I've done has blown up in my face, all because I've realized that the girl I hate now means something to me. I still have to figure all this shit out.

If I had known what I know now at the beginning of my revenge plan, would I have done it anyway? That's a question I don't have an answer to if I were honest, hence the whole complicating factor.

When we finally arrive at the mansion, I let go of her hand and turn off the car. I look at her. I see that she has fallen asleep. I stare at her for a while, seeing her at last and all the changes I hadn't noticed since she moved here until now. But now they are all very noticeable and I hate it.

This morning I slept in late with her and it was the best sleep I've had in a long time. When I finally woke up, I left her to get a coffee and get a few minutes away from her to clear my head. Seeing her like that last night fucked with my head a bit.

Seeing the blood on her dress and the way she was completely fucked up from the drugs and alcohol she took, and then when she closed her eyes on me in the car, I almost had a heart attack. I was as afraid of losing her as I was of losing my mother. I didn't breathe easy until I got the news that she was stable.

Now my mission will be to bring her back to health. As the doctor said, she has lost a lot of weight and is dehydrated. I know she has an eating disorder, so yes, I have a lot of work ahead of me.

When I returned to her room and saw her about to put on her clothes, I completely stopped all my movements and was in shock. That split second before she ran off to the bathroom hit me harder than anything before, because it had all been my own damn fault.

So many things now made sense. Like the fact that every time we had sex, she wanted the room as dark as possible. She always wanted to keep her shirt on and since I'm an asshole who didn't care, because I just wanted to get my dick inside her, I went along with it. Not knowing all this time it was because she wanted to hide her scars from me.

Without a second thought, I went after her to the bathroom and the sound of her sobs gutted me. She looked so torn and broken. I wanted to make her feel better, but I knew she probably just felt hatred for me. I mean, I would feel the same way too if I were her.

She still wasn't dressed when I got to the bathroom, and now that I was closer, I got a good look at her. She had slimmed down so much that I could see the outline of her ribs.

I stood behind her and the full effect of the damage she had done to herself was visible on every inch of her skin. I wanted to punch myself in the fucking face because it had all been my fault. I should... Fuck!

I didn't know what I should have done. leave her alone? not worry about revenge? leave her alone and deal with it differently? All of it. From. Lo. Up.

When I started my hate campaign against her, I thought that the day I saw her broken and devastated, I would love to see it. But I was wrong, fucking wrong. When I looked at her and saw everything she did to herself, it felt like my fucking chest caved in on itself. Nothing prepared me for the devastation I would feel when I saw what she did to her stomach and legs.