Chapter 40 Say Yes
My heart is literally beating in my shoes.
I look at myself in the mirror. I look elegant in the chiffon with lace, with my hair pulled back and the minimal makeup Mom applied.
But the woman staring back at me is not excited like her mother.
No, that woman just looks scared.
I promised myself that I wouldn't push Ben out again. And I won't, but if what Ben is planning what I think he is, why did it have to be today out of all days?
Karma must really have it in for me, because even hours later, I can still feel the impact of Miguel inside of me. Now his brother is surprising me with something big.
I guess this is what I get for fucking being a liar and a cheater.
Mom hugs me tightly from behind and snaps a selfie of the two of us.
"You are just too divine for words, so perfect!"
There is that word again that I have come to despise.
Perfect.
All I have to be is perfect and everybody will love me.
"I have to put the blindfold back on." Mom grabs the white silk from the dresser. "But don't worry, it won't mess up your mascara." Right now, mascara is the worst of my problems.
The ground should just swallow me whole immediately.
I wonder if I could get out of this is if I told Mom I'm not comfortable with what the surprise is. With what I think it is. Would she be disappointed? Would she see me as less than perfect then?
But like always, I keep my mouth shut. I smile and nod, pretending that everything is fucking perfect.
I let her lead me blindfolded again, and I try to figure out where the hell we are. When we take an elevator down, I figure we might be in a hotel. Knowing Ben, it's probably somewhere flashy.
"Okay, try not to trip over your dress." Mom squeezes my arm as the elevator door opens and we start walking again.
Then I hear the piano music, and I swear sweat breaks out on my brow. It's my favourite song, only a little slower, and I know who is behind the keys.
Lola's signature raspy voice starts singing over a microphone. My cousin, Arcangelo, and his wife are performing. They definitely do not have a show playing. If they did, I would've surely known about it.
"Stop right here." Mom halts my steps, and then she's untying the blindfold. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the low lighting to see where I am.
No.
No!
Out of all the places, why here?
I'm standing in the middle of Madison Square Garden, the place where my father proposed to my mother, hence my name.
In the middle, there is a small stage where Arcangelo and Lola are on with low lighting. Before me is a path made of white candles and at the end of that path stands Benedict Cargill on a bed of red roses with a sign behind him saying "MARRY ME".
"Go on!" Mom nudges me and l look at her then.
Excitement, love and tears brim in her eyes as she looks at me with pride I do not deserve.
This can't be happening.
Fuck.
Not here.
My knees are shaking as I put one foot in front of the other. I don't even hear the words Lola is singing, the same words I usually shout at the top of my lungs.
This is a spectacle. Just the way Ben intended it to be.
I smile as a photographer's flash goes off.
I smile, but I'm dying inside.
I'm a liar.
I'm a cheat.
And I've dragged my whole family into it.
Guilt like no other hammers at the back of my head like a migraine that doesn't want to go away no matter how much medication I take.
This is it for me.
This is where my real future starts.
I finally make it to Ben where he's standing with a broad smile on his handsome face. I could've done worse, right?
He's on his way to become a successful lawyer in a very successful law firm. We are high school sweethearts and if he wanted to, he could be on the cover of a men's magazine. He's good looking, kind, rich. This is what most girls dream of.
"Surprise." He winks at me.
"Ben...." I breathe out, shaking my head.
"Sssshhhhh." He puts a finger on my lips. "Please listen to what I have to say."
He doesn't even have to say anything. I already know what my answer is going to be.
"I have wanted you since the first time I saw you walking into the chemistry class freshman year." His expression turns serious as he takes my hands in his. "I knew then that you were more special than anyone I have ever met. You are gentle, kind, driven, and you have a heart of gold. I don't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone but you."
A tear drops from my left eye and the fucking photographer is there to catch the moment.
That was not a tear of happiness, it was one of remorse. Because I'm a bad person, and I don't deserve Ben or the beautiful words he's saying.
I realise this moment has been planned for a long time, probably before I had sex with Miguel.
Did he know about this? Is that the reason why he pursued me? If that's the case, then I'm even more stupid than what I thought in the first place.
How could Miguel do this to us? How could he ruin this moment that's supposed to be sacred?
Ben drops to his knee in front of me, and retrieves a box from his pants' pocket.
"Madison, it would be an honor if you become my wife. Please, say yes."
Like a tap that is opened, the tears start pouring from my eyes. The guilt is eating me alive and I just hope that Ben will never know the truth of what I've done.
The word is stuck in my throat, but I manage to say it through the knot that have formed there.
"Yes."