Chapter 27 Done with
Surprise flitters over Ben's expression and he staggers back like I've physically hit him.
"We're over?" He repeats the words like it couldn't be true. "You're leaving me?"
"Yes." I'm proud that the word comes out stronger. " You and I have been together forever, okay. We were kids, we grew up together, but we don't want the same things. I want to dance until I can't anymore and you just don't get that."
"I get it!" He exclaims incredulously. " I finally fucking get it because you flew to the opposite side of the country because of an injury."
"An injury that could've ended my career." I fold my arms protectively across my chest. " But what do you care anyways? Don't you have a ton of other women just waiting for us to break up? Isn't this what you wanted?"
He runs his hand through his hair in frustration. "That was a lie, okay? I just wanted to hurt you, because you were hurting me."
He stops in front me and takes my shoulders in his hands. "I swear I didn't mean anything by that. You know I would never do you dirty like that. "
Sweat starts covering my brow. I knew this was going to be difficult. I knew he wouldn't just accept that we're just too different.
"Maybe we should just take a break." I say softer. "Right now, both of us should just focus on our careers and figure out what it is what we want. Like I told you over the phone, I'm probably leaving for South Korea over the Christmas season, let's just talk after I get back."
Ben walks backwards as if I slapped him clear across the face. "After Christmas? All these fucking years together and you can't even give me your fucking Christmas?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. "
He shakes his head in disbelief. "Sorry? You're breaking me fucking apart and all you can say is sorry?"
I can't help the lone tear that escapes my eye and I wipe it quickly away. I'm breaking because he's breaking right in front of me. I did that. I'm hurting him, and I'm breaking my own heart in the process. What if he ever found out about Black? How would he react then?
I don't ever want to hurt someone again like I'm hurting him now.
"You're going to regret this." Pink blotches on his cheeks, and there's unshed tears in his eyes.
Without another word, he opens the door and leaves. Only when I'm sure he's gone, do I break down and fall to my knees, clutching my chest as I cry for the boy I once loved.
I cry for a love that was pure and new, and I cry because I know Benedict Cargill is not my person.
When I leave the next morning for the airport, I'm wearing big sunglasses to hide the redness in my eyes. I tell my family that I will see them the next day. It's Amelia's father's presidential ball that my family attend every year. This will be the first time I will be going by myself, and to be honest, I don't feel like explaining things to my family yet.
I unblock Ben to remind him of the ball, that we can pretend we are still together just to get the night over with. I know it's selfish of me to do that, but he loves going to those things. He always says it's a great place to network.
He actually replies with a thumbs up emoji, so at least I don't have to explain to my family just yet.
My apartment feels foreign when I enter it, my eyes going straight to the couch where Black took me that first night.
It feels like ages ago. So much has happened between that time and now.
I get some takeout, I eat fried chicken, French fries and ice cream before I know I have to go back to a healthy diet, and binge watch Gossip Girl before my eyes drift closed.
I don't know what wakes me up, but when I do, I immediately know something is off.
Everything is pitch black. The television which was on is also off. I left the lights on to my bathroom to shed some light into my bedroom like I always do.
My heart immediately starts beating in overdrive. Is this what I think it is? Is he here?
I slowly reach for my phone on my nightstand, wanting to send Black a message, but I have no network. There's a message saying my mobile network is also blocked.
What the hell?
I know it's Black. It has to be him, yet there is still a sliver of fear that enters my heart.
Where the hell is he hiding this time? Is he wearing the ski mask? Will he blindfold me? Will he fuck me senseless and leave me begging for more?
I get up as quietly as possible from my bed, but with not knowing where he might be, he could ambush me at any second.
"You know, we have got to stop meeting like this." I say into the quiet apartment as I try to adjust my eyesight to the darkness. "I might develop a serious condition like PTSD."
I'm answered with absolutely nothing. Not a sound or movement.
What if it's not him? What if I'm in real danger here?
I'm stupid. Of course it is him. Maybe he gets off on me begging, scared, or maybe it's my excitement turning him on.
I could just get back in bed and wait him out, but it's as if he knows I like the push and pull of this dynamic.
So I don't get back into bed. Instead, I slowly feel my way out of the bedroom, and I walk to the guest bedroom where Ben keeps his stuff for when he was sleeping over. I don't even think anybody has ever slept in this bedroom before.
The door slams closed after I enter the bedroom, making me jump.
"Are you in here?" I ask, fear creeping into my voice. I don't smell him. There's no amber and musk tantalizing my nostrils.
What if I really have it wrong this time?
"What did I tell you about Ben?" The growl comes from the closed door.
Relief washes over me. Why is he not wearing his signature cologne?
"I broke up with Ben."
"Liar, liar, pants on fire." I feel him moving closer to me, and I hear the closet door opening. "Do you know what I saw when I came in here earlier today?"
"What?" I whisper.
There's something different to him that I can't quite put my finger on.
"You love Benedict Cargill." The statement itself sounds deadly.
I can't deny it. I do love Benedict Cargill, just not in the way he thinks.
"All of his clothes are hanging in here like he belongs here." He stops in front of me and takes my throat into his hand. "I warned you, didn't I? Now you have to take your punishment."