Chapter 170 In another life - Benedict POV
I need to return to New York, I've been working remotely ever since I got to California, but there are meetings I have to do in-person.
I can't quite get myself to leave, though, not when we had to book Miguel into a wellness retreat looking like someone who is on the verge of killing himself. And I definitely can't leave when despite what's happening to Miguel, I can't remember when was the last time I felt this deliriously happy.
It's as if I walked into the life I always envisioned.
I take a seat at the dining table, and Valentina comes over wearing a silk robe, her curves visible through the fabric, her dark hair almost touching the top of her ass.
This is definitely an alternate universe, one where all my fantasies are coming true.
She places a plate in front of me heaped with scrambled eggs, bacon, mushrooms and tomatoes. She grew the vegetables herself.
There's nothing pretentious and stiff about the meal. It's made with love and pride, something I never thought I'd experience again.
She hasn't cried or shouted once since I came here. She's very careful of me, making sure she keeps her distance, though.
She has every right to be wary of me. I ruined her life before, and I can surely do it again.
But I don't want to.
My father is dead. My mother is living out her days in the south of France, not that she ever cared about what I'm doing. I'm just waiting for the day they call me to tell me to get her body. I was raised by nannies, lacking the motherly love every child yearns for.
All the people that led me to make the decisions I did when I was younger, the company that I gave my own happiness up for, all of that no longer has an impact on me.
It feels....
Freeing.
"You again work?" Valentina takes the seat next to me with her own plate, eyeing my laptop like it's a sin. "You must eat."
I imagine this is what it feels like to have someone who truly loves you. I push the laptop to the side, thinking that Miguel would hate this if he was here. He would think that I would hurt his mother who once was in a vuknerable position like he is now.
"There are a lot of things I need to do for the firm." I pick up my coffee cup. "Miguel was helping me, but then he left."
"The firm not good for him." Valentina shakes her head. "He not a lawyer like you."
I was so proud when he told me he studied and became a lawyer. Valentina is right, though, I should never have put that expectation on him, on either of my kids for that matter.
Again, I'm thinking that I wasn't a good father. I was chasing the recognition of my own father, even after he died, that I never stopped to think what my own sons wanted and needed.
Ben for sure needed some psychological help, but I overlooked it when I could clearly see something was wrong with him. I left it to his mother without even mentioning I think something is going on with him, and that makes me a bad fucking father.
Even now with Miguel. Not me or Valentina know why he has fallen into this deep depression. Maybe it's genetic because his mother had issues before him, or maybe something happened. I never asked him what he did in the military, too caught up in my own political ambitions to even stop and think about what my son was doing.
Maybe it's even a result of the shooting. I don't know if he went to therapy, that's what soldiers usually do, so I just assumed he did.
That means I might be just as responsible for Ben's deeds.
That cuts even deeper than anything else.
"You're right." I smile sadly at Valentina. "I even wonder sometimes if I was supposed to be a lawyer."
"It runs in your blood, no?" She tilts her head to the side. "I always think you are great lawyer."
How is this woman still so beautiful thirty years after I first laid eyes on her? Does she even know how she's still captivating me after all this time? How I think of her daily, wondering what our life together would've been like?
How I don't want to leave even though I know I should. I'm still a married man with responsibilities waiting for me in another state. Me having a wife might not mean much to me, but it might mean something to Valentina. She doesn't deserve to be the other woman, not when she was the first and only woman I ever loved.
"And you were always very good at giving me compliments." I smile at her, once again wishing this was our every day life.
We would have probably had more children. She wouldn't have ended up in the psychiatric facility, Miguel might have not felt the need to join the military.
Life would have been perfect.
Of course my phone decides to ring at that moment, breaking my eye contact with Valentina.
I almost don't answer it when I see Caroline's name, but I only texted her that Miguel is sick and I will stay for a few days. I probably owe her some kind of explanation of why I haven't come back.
"Benedict."
I suddenly hate the way she says my name in that aristocratic way of hers. We come from the same part of the city, I probably sound just as entitled.
"Caroline." I get up from the table with the perfect woman and the perfect atmosphere.
"You have to come back." She says, her voice curt. "Something has happened to Samuel."
I halt on my way out the kitchen door. "Samuel? What happened?"
"I don't know, we just called the ambulance. He wasn't up like usual this morning when the maid came in and she went to check on him." I'm even scared to hear the rest of her words. "She found him in his room on the floor, he was unresponsive."
God, not Samuel. I don't have any real friends, business partners, alliances, sure. But nobody who knows the deepest parts of me.
Samuel may be an employee, but I consider him my friend too.
"You better get here, Benedict." Caroline's voice sounds detached. "Before it's too late."