Chapter 169 Doesn't feel right
I can't help but smile at the subtle touches T.J. and Simon exchange, thinking they're fooling me.
I don't know why they think they should hide what's happening between them. I love them, and I want them to be happy. Who knew they would find that with each other?
They're keeping it from me because they think I'm some fragile thing that couldn't handle other people's love.
They're not wrong, my heart feels like it's constantly being ripped from my chest, thinking that maybe I didn't do the right thing by leaving Miguel like that. He looked so broken, so remorseful of hurting me. I know he didn't mean it, and I wish I could turn back the hands of time and just wipe it away.
"You ready to go?" Simon joins me on the deck overlooking the ocean.
"Definitely not." I smile sadly.
"You could stay here, though, couldn't you?" He asks.
"No, I got a new doctor in New York, and I want to be close to my family, especially now that I don't know what's happening with Miguel." It pains me to think that he is missing this pregnancy again. First, because I felt I had to leave because of Ben being a threat. Now I think Miguel is a threat, just in a different way.
"And you have me." He nudges me with his shoulder.
"And you have T.J." I wiggle my eyebrows at him and laugh genuinely when he blushes and covers his eyes with his hands. "In bed with the hot, older man!"
"Oh my god!" Simon throws his back. "How did this even happen! I'm gagged!"
I laugh with him, the elated feeling it gives me foreign.
I look at the ocean one more time before following Simon into the villa, T.J. already has our bags packed and ready to go.
We try to be conspicuous at the airport, because there are always damn paparazzi at LAX just waiting for a story, but we manage to get away unscathed and onto the flight back home.
God, I feel so guilty for leaving Miguel like that, even though I know in my heart that it's not my job to fix him. But you don't just leave people you love behind. I don't think he would've done that to me if the roles were reversed.
I know it was the right thing to do, for the life growing inside me, but it doesn't make me feel any less than shit. I hope that he can tell me what the hell is going on in that head of his, and I hope he gets back to me soon, back to the baby that is going to need a father.
My parents' house feels foreign when I walk through the doors, and even though they're there to welcome me with open arms, I know that this is not where I'm supposed to be. Miguel bought us a house, I think it's time I started decorating that. So when he comes back, he doesn't come back to an empty house with possibilities, but to a home full of love. He will know that I was waiting for him to get healthy, and that I wasn't leaving him.
I try calling Valentina, but she's either upset that I left, or she can't answer, so I call Raul instead.
"Have you heard anything from Miguel?" I ask after we exchange pleasantries.
"Funny you should ask, because I was about to ask you the same thing." He sounds worried. "Also, Lucille really wants to talk to him, she managed to trace the car that ran him over when he was on your way to you."
"Oh, who is it? Does she know?"
"She was hoping Miguel would be able to help her further, but he's been AWOL for a week now. No contact."
I sigh, telling him what happened when I was there. The downward spiral, the choking.
"I stayed in Malibu after that, because I couldn't come home with the bruises and give my parents the wrong idea about him."
"Shit!"Raul exclaims. "Adnd you can't get a hold of Valentina either?"
"No." Worry settles even deeper into my bones. "What if it's some clinical depression or something? What if he's not here when the baby gets born?"
I know I won't be alone, my family loves me way too much for that, but Miguel is the one I want next to me when I give borth.
''I'll find out what is happening, okay." Raul says determinedly. "I'll fly out if I have to, just don't worry too much. I've known Miguel a long time, he's one of the toughest people alive. Whatever is bothering him, he will get through it,"
That is exactly my concern. Everybody is forver talking about how strong Miguel is, that he can handle everything.
But they didn't see the look in his eyes when he was squeezing my throat. He was scared. Something is chasing him, and it might be greater than his strength.