Chapter 147 Close to you
My hand is trembling holding the cup of tea, and Mom's hand folds over mine.
It was Ben's funeral today. Nobody knew where it was so the press didn't interfere, but Miguel told me.
A large part of my life is buried with him, and I know the media is never going to let this rest, especially not with the charges against Jeffrey Bloomberg.
The Bloomberg family has issued a statement that Jeffrey was also a victim of Ben's, that he was brainwashed, and apparently a lot of victims' stories corroborated that statement. That means at the end of the day, his punishment may not be as severe as what I hoped. He's being psychologically analysed after the victims' account of how Ben was with him.
I don't know how I feel about that. He was a grown man after all. Is it possible that another human being can have such a profound effect on you? Maybe. I don't know.
"Have you taken your vitamins today?" Mom asks gently, and I nod.
I don't know what I would've done without her. She's been constantly present, not leaving my side unless I go to bed.
"When are you going back to work?" I ask her, willing my mind not to think about the funeral.
"Do you want to get rid of me?" She smiles and kisses my cheek loudly. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."
"I don't want to get rid of you." I smile genuinely. "But I thought maybe they needed you, or you're busy with something."
"That's the beauty of being the boss, and having family as a partner. Dario knows what to do." She winks at me. "Besides, there's nothing more important than making sure my daughter is feeding my grandbaby properly."
"You're not mad, about the baby?" I want to know.
She's never said anything, she's always making sure I have everything I need since I got back. Just today she showed me a Navy outfit, one of the ridiculous things she ordered online. One of the guest rooms are becoming an baby haven as we speak.
"I could never be mad at you. Sure, I thought it was really shit timing with everything going on with Ben, and I knew how much you valued your career." She shrugs. "But I get to become a grandma, and I trust that you will find your way back to dancing, only because it's something you really love. I will support you in whatever you decide to do."
I look at her long and hard, remembering how I used to get so upset because she always wanted to be up in my business.
"I love you, Mom." I hug her hard, surprising her, but like always, she hugs me back just as hard. "I don't know what I would do without you."
"Luckily you never have to find out."
That night I go to bed feeling a tad bit lighter than when I wake up, and for the first time since Ben died, I don't think about the boy who he once was, or who I thought he was. I lay my memories with him to rest too, and I want to start anew in a world where he's no longer in it.
I don't know what wakes me up.
Maybe it's his scent, although it's not as strong like other times, but it's still there. But unlike other times he comes to me, there's no hand on my mouth to alert me of his presence.
I switch on the bedside light and sit up, my eyes squinting in the sudden light.
This is definitely not the Miguel that I'm used to.
This man is sitting on the floor propped against the wall, just looking at me.
"What are you doing on the floor?" I open the covers next to me. "Get in."
His eyes shift from my face to the place on the bed I'm holding open for him. There's a shadow in his eyes that I've never seen before,. Maybe Ben's funeral touched him more than he thought it would. Maybe he's feeling out of sorts after today.
This is the first time I'm seeing him in person after the night he found out I was pregnant, and when he takes off his hoodie and sweatpants, I see the marks on the side of his body. It's already scaled over, but it looks like it had to have hurt.
"Miguel." I quickly get up and go to him, my fingers lightly going over the healing wounds. "This doesn't look like just bumps and bruises."
He catches my fingers in his and kisses my tips. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing" I reach up on my toes and stroke his eyebrows, his eyelids fluttering closed. He always love it when I do that. "You don't look okay."
His hands goes to my sides and he clutches my silk nightshirt in his hands, his eyes still closed.
"I needed to be close to you, I couldn't fall asleep."
In thread my fingers through his hair at the back of his head, and pull him towards me so I can kiss him softly on the lips.
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
He groans, his hands tightening in my shirt. "I can't..... I can't be gentle tonight."
There's a deep frown in-between his eyebrows, like he's having an internal battle with himself.
"Then fuck me." I whisper against his lips. "Fuck me hard like you want to."
Then like a man possessed, he rips my nightshirt from my body before he drops to his knees in front of me and hungrily sucks a nipple into his mouth.
He looks up at me, the shadows still dancing in those ocean blues, but there's hunger now too. His mouth pulls on my nipple one last time before he kisses my stomach gently.
"Be careful what you ask for, little mouse."