Chapter Nineteen

Two weeks passed with little change. Claire rarely spoke, rarely ate. She’d answer a direct question when needed, but otherwise? She was little more than a ghost in the house.

They’d have sex, usually whenever her scent drifted past one of them, when they’d realize what she needed even if she refused to ask. She wouldn’t kiss them, wouldn’t reach out at all, but neither would she turn them down.

Kaidan mourned the brief happiness they’d had, the closeness. The men snapped at each other, tension high, but Claire ignored it all.

It was as if a death had occurred, and none of them knew how to deal with it. After what Joshua had overheard, he understood better. He understood the pain she felt, the loss, but he had no idea how to move forward, how to make her understand they could still be trusted.

He needed to make her understand if not for them, then for her.

The bond meant she needed them, meant they craved one another, but it didn’t mean she would ever be happy, ever forgive them.

She’d refused to return to her shop, either. She wouldn’t go to her home. Kaidan had picked up more items for her, had brought them like peace offerings, but she’d set them down as though they were from a life she couldn’t have anymore. When asked about the shop, her home, she’d said they could sell them. She didn’t care.

And that was the theme of life. She didn’t care. She didn’t care to eat, to sleep, to talk, about them, about anything.

The only time any life returned to her was when Tracy came over. She would text or call now and then, but even with that, she wouldn’t leave.

Kaidan had picked up her phone once to find a message from someone with the initial of T asking about her, asking if she was okay, saying some of the omegas had been worried. He’d asked if she wanted him to take her to them. Offered to drop her off around a corner so she could be alone, so they wouldn’t get spook by him, but she’d shaken her head.

“That’s not my life anymore.”

He rubbed his chest at the hollow words she’d offered.

At this rate, they might lose her within a year. She’d eat when forced, when Bryce growled out a demand, but it would be cursory bites. That sort of dead-when-walking behavior couldn’t sustain a person. She’d crumble at some point, and her body would simply give out.

How had they done this to her? How could they fix it? Hell, they were willing to give her up if that’s what it took, anything to see a smile on her lips again, to see a glimpse of the woman she’d been.

They’d spent so much of their lives trying to save omegas, and yet they’d destroyed the one they loved.

Claire stopped counting days. It took too much time and energy and nothing ever changed. Some days they’d be home, working or watching over her. In the evenings, they’d set up a movie or show, which Claire would sit down as requested to watch.

When the tension inside her got to be too much, they’d step in. Bryce would put her on all fours to fuck her, a hand in her hair to pull her head back. Kaidan would stretch her out on the bed and spread her thighs, spending so much time with his tongue on her she lost count. Joshua would undo his pants and guide her to her knees, letting her taste him just as long as she wanted to. Those moments were the hardest, when she could still feel that spark of something, the future she’d wanted, the closeness she’d craved.

But then it would all drift away when her pain resurfaced.

The other night, Bryce had remained in the bed, his knot locking them together, as he moved his fingers over her hip as if memorizing her. ‘I can leave,’ he’d said, voice low. ‘I was the one to decide to lie to you. I thought I was protecting you, that I was giving us all time. I was a coward who was afraid you’d leave, but this? This is all my fault. I’ll go and you and Joshua and Kaidan can fix this. I can’t watch you like this anymore.’

Claire had buried her face in her arms, the conversation so much more difficult with him locked inside her, so close. ‘You all made that choice. I don’t want to feel like this, but I don’t know what to do. Every time I think maybe I can get past this, I have this hole in my stomach, like the only place I’d ever felt safe hadn’t been real.’

Bryce had lain behind her, his chest to her back, lips offering kisses to her shoulder. ‘You’re safe with us, with me. I’d do anything to protect you, even if it meant leaving.’

‘You’d all let me go if I wanted to. The thing is? I’m stuck. You’re my mate just like the others and I can’t go anywhere.’

He’d sighed but pulled her closer as if it could keep the chill away. Over the weeks of this, the weeks of her silence and pain and submission, he’d aged as well. He’d slept little, had grown tense. Perhaps it wore on him as well.

Today they’d left, meaning it had to be a weekday. They’d stopped leaving one at home, as if the silence there hurt too much, as if they’d realized she would go nowhere.

Why couldn’t she get over it?

She even understood why they’d done it. Would she have listened if she’d known Kieran had been a friend?

No. She’d have run. She’d have thought she couldn’t trust them, have fled from the growing bond, from the thing she’d wanted, all for fear.

That was it, though. The anger had left. Anger doesn’t last that long, really. It had all drained away until only unhappiness and hurt remained. She’d wanted so many things, but now each word they said made her wonder, was it true? Were they telling her the truth? Even if they lied for her own safety, it was still a lie.

They’d still decided to keep information from her, because they thought it best. They hadn’t trusted her, and each time she wanted to reach out to them, that repeated in her mind.

They hadn’t trusted her. They hadn’t believed in her. They hadn’t respected her.

So Claire floundered in that space between needing and wanting them, between pain and understanding, and she had no idea how to get out of it, how to move on.

Would she just keep going like this? Would they want that? Maybe they’d decide it wasn’t worth it, bond or no bond, and kick her out.

She’d survived worse things, she’d survive that.

Maybe. Losing just the idea of what they had was destroying her, so losing them entirely?

Claire ran her fingers through her hair, still wet from the shower, with frustration. No matter how many times she went through this in her head, she couldn’t figure out a way past it. She was stuck, lost and alone even when they were near.

The ringing of her phone caught her attention. Few called her, preferring to text instead. The men, when they needed her, would call the home phone, not her cell.

Claire fished her phone from her pocket. Tiffany.

She hit the answer button, eyebrows drawn together.

“I’m so sorry.”

The words chilled Claire, so similar to Jackie’s last call. “Tiffany? What’s wrong?”

A scuffle, then a different voice, a male voice, familiar but she couldn’t place it. “You want her to live?”

Claire’s fingers tightened on the phone, knuckles aching. “Let her go, please. Whatever you want, I’ll get you.”

He chuckled, low and menacing. “Well, aren’t you agreeable all of a sudden? I think we need to talk.”

“Anything. Tell me where you are.”

“Not so fast. This needs to be a private conversation. If I see Bryce, Joshua or Kaidan around, I’ll slit her throat and kill them before they ever get close enough to do anything. Make up whatever story you need to to them, but if they show up? I’ll kill them and I’ll kill her and it’ll be all your fault.”

Claire nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see her. “Yes, fine, I’ll come alone.”

“I guess this is the only time I should be thankful for that stubborn, stupid omega streak you have, isn’t it? So come on, little omega, and let’s play.” He gave her the address, then hung up.

Claire sat, frozen, phone clutched in her hand. She couldn’t tell the men. She couldn’t live with their blood on her hands, and right then, right when she knew she might lose them, she knew the truth.

Angry or not, hurting or not, she still loved them.

So Claire scribbled a note, set it on the kitchen island and left.