Chapter 56 Important Realizations
THEODORE
After the crazy past few days, it was strange to be back home, where everything felt so sterile and perfectly in place.
As I walked through my front door, I felt different in a way that couldn't be reversed. I was a different man when I left New York, now? I wasn't sure of who I was anymore. I'd never given up on anything in all my life. Everything I wanted, I always got.
But I was letting Alice Rhodes go and even now, I couldn't make myself change my mind. I felt at peace with my decision.
Naturally, I had a lot of missed calls, and I was sure my mother was worrying her head off right now, so I called her first. Hearing her shrill voice over the phone made me realize just how much I'd changed and just how over this I was.
"I don't understand you!" she continued. "You're not like this! You don't just disappear without a word, Theodore! Do you have any idea how worried we were? How could you leave the company unattended for so many days? If Felix hadn't been there to keep everything in order, I don't know..."
I rubbed my eyes and told her calmly, "Mom, I'm jet-lagged and I really need a few hours of sleep, alright?"
She gasped, horrified. "Theodore, are you really going to ignore me like this?"
"I'll talk to you later."
I hung up before she could say anything else and turned my phone off before heading into the bathroom to shower. The whole time, I thought about Alice, but not with the usual aggressive possessiveness. Spending time with her and her family made me realize I didn't know her at all.
Looking back, I can't understand why I was so sure that she'd set the whole thing up. I found it strange when it first happened, because from the moment I met her, it was clear that she couldn't stand me. I didn't make things easier for her. No, the second I felt attracted toward her, I did everything I could to show her that our relationship could never be anything more than professional, because if she showed the slightest interest in me, I would've folded.
I would've said fuck it to the very rule I created, and I'd end up doing the same thing my father had.
It sickened me, so with each passing day, I made sure to treat her like an asshole. I'd send her on countless pointless errands, give her unnecessary contracts to correct and revise, and of course, I made certain that the coffee she made me was never up to par when she could've given me a bowl of shit and I would've eaten it all.
I smiled to myself, then shook my head while brushing my wet hair out of my face. What a waste of time that all turned out to be. Here I was now, heartbroken as shit but denying it.
I stepped into my bedroom and threw myself on the bed. I stared at my ceiling until sleep pulled me under, and of course, I dreamt of her. I saw her on top of me, laughing at my semen-stained abdomen. I saw her with her brother, kissing his cheeks and speaking to him with so much love in her eyes. And then there were my own feelings of guilt. I fucked it all up acting like the jerk I was raised to be.
I forced her into a situation she didn't want to be in, eliminating all possibilities that she'd ever fall for me. Hell, even if she had, why would she fall for the guy who didn't respect her choices? I saw how she'd been raised. Spending that weekend with her parents was more than enough for me to figure out who they were to the core.
Here was what I found out: They hid behind religion, but they were assholes to the core. Bigger assholes than me, that was for sure. If we had to get to the bottom of it, I had every right to be a jerk. My whole life was an easy ride. Problems? I didn't have any. I didn't have this opinion when I was younger, of course, but I'd always had things easy. I wanted something? I got it. I wanted to fuck someone? I could have her, too.
I could have it all, so of course, that instilled a sense of entitlement so deep inside of me that it took a little over three decades to discover it. It took seeing how the woman I was head over fucking heels for lived, but that wasn't the point.
Why did her parents feel so entitled to an easy life? What did they work for? Her father was in perfectly good health, the fucker. He could down two dozen beer cans but not drag his ass to a grocery store or something and bag groceries? What about her mother? She wasn't that old. Early-fifties, maybe?
Alice learned from a young age that love was conditional. If she gave them something, they'd reciprocate. That was why she wasn't interested in working for me even when I raised her salary, or at the possibility that a relationship with me would open a lot of doors for her.
She probably didn't even realize it, but I saw it all written on the walls of her childhood home. I saw it in the way she acted around them.
If anything, that reinforced my wish to let her go. It was the right thing to do, even if I didn't want it.
I wouldn't be like them. She didn't need someone like me in her life.
Fuck, I felt depressed, and I hadn't felt this way in a long fucking time. I turned on my side and decided to drift off to sleep again. Tomorrow, I'd wake up refreshed and I'd go back to my old self, and I'd put an effort into forgetting all of this happened.
But the smell of sautéed vegetables reached my nose and I frowned.
What?
I stood up and made my way out of my bedroom. When I reached the kitchen, I saw Granny standing next to my stove, dicing herbs. She smiled at my confused expression.
"What? You don't think I have extra keys to this place?"