Chapter 17 17
Venessa’s POV
As the newly appointed pack healer, Denzel and I ended up spending an inordinate amount of time together. He had developed a habit of feigning illness just so I would come to attend to him, and more than once he admitted without shame that he simply wanted me near. I found it endearing, even when I tried not to. There were moments when we came dangerously close to kissing, breaths mingling, restraint hanging by a thread. He begged me several times to end things with the Gamma.
Luna Jalisa was no longer breathing down my neck, but I wasn’t foolish enough to think the danger had passed. I knew she and Tyrell were plotting something. All I could do was wait, watch, and prepare to counter whatever move they made. The timing was approaching the month when I was supposed to catch them together. Fate, however, had interfered.
Rayon was the problem. An anomaly.
He wasn’t meant to be alive. In my past life, I hadn’t been able to save him. He died. This time, saving Denzel had meant saving Rayon too there had been no other way. Because of him, my first opportunity to catch Jalisa with Tyrell slipped through my fingers. He had asked me to walk with him in the park that day, completely unaware of what he was disrupting.
I was beginning to think I might have to break things off with him just to focus on what I needed to do.
Two months and three weeks had passed.
Sometimes I wished I could simply walk up to Denzel and say it plainly: Your Luna and your Beta are sleeping together. They’re planning to kill you for reasons even I don’t fully understand and they’ll pin it on me when they succeed. If I could just say it, everything would be easier.
But knowing the truth and being unable to speak it was its own kind of torture.
I sat alone in the forest, my back against a tree, trying to force myself to relax. My thoughts drifted to what would happen once everything was over if I survived it at all. Fear curled tightly in my chest. In my past life, I hadn’t been able to help Rayon. Losing him had haunted me.
This time, his survival felt like a victory. A miracle. I couldn’t shake the sense that fate had rigged the game in my favor. If Jalisa hadn’t had me flogged, I wouldn’t have had an excuse when Denzel grew suspicious about why I already had the antidote prepared. I found myself thanking the goddess for that twisted mercy. My back had healed completely now, and I no longer felt anger over the punishment.
It had been a long time since I’d shifted. Sometimes it felt as though my wolf barely existed anymore.
Then I caught his scent.
My stomach churned instantly. I had no control over myself where Denzel was concerned. The mate bond, damaged as it had been, was repairing itself slowly, painfully. The goddess had decided that rejection was no longer an option for either of us.
“Hey.”
The sound of his voice made me rise to my feet.
“Dr. Dwayne said you have the week off,” Denzel said as he came to sit beside me. “Shouldn’t you be enjoying yourself?”
I sighed. “There’s really nothing to enjoy.”
I didn’t explain. Living on borrowed time was exhausting. Every waking moment was spent calculating, anticipating, preparing for disaster. Ignorance truly was bliss. I would have given anything to live without a ticking clock in my head.
“You never talk about your parents,” he said gently. “Tell me about them. About your life in the wild.”
There wasn’t much to tell.
“My mother was a single parent,” I said quietly. “She was accused of a crime she swore she didn’t commit. Instead of killing her, her Alpha banished her. She was pregnant with me. We lived in exile until she died.”
He stayed silent, letting me continue.
“As for my father… all she ever had of him was a necklace. I never knew him. And honestly, I don’t care.”
“I’m sorry, Venessa,” he said softly.
I laughed, hollow and brittle. “My life is sad. It’s pathetic.”
The words cracked something open inside me. Tears welled up without warning. I couldn’t be normal around him. I couldn’t live normally. Everything felt heavy, impossible.
Tears slid down my cheeks. When he reached out and touched my thigh, I flinched and shifted away.
You have everything, I thought bitterly. You’ll never understand this pain. I’m racing against time, terrified that I’ll fail.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern etched into his face as he wiped away my tears.
His touch felt too good and I hated it. I didn’t want to feel anything for him. I didn’t want longing, or hope, or this ache in my chest.
“Don’t touch me, Alpha,” I whispered. “Staying away from you is getting harder.”
He went quiet. Since the bond had begun repairing itself, every moment he spent with his wife felt like a knife twisting in my chest. It wasn’t a crime but knowing we could no longer reject each other made it unbearable.
“You have everything,” I said aloud. “I have nothing. No one.”
It was the truth. I had no family, no real friends. Just my wolf. I smiled at people, worked alongside them, but at the end of the day, I was alone.
“My life is a joke,” I continued. “You’re my mate and you’re married to a princess. I can’t compete with that. I had to reject you. Royalty versus a commoner like me? I never stood a chance. I came into this world a loser. A damned loser.”
He pulled me into his arms.
“What’s happened to you, Venessa?” he asked. “You were fine just days ago. What changed?”
“Nothing,” I lied. “I’ve just been carrying too much with no way to let it out.”
He took my hand. “You can tell me.”
I looked into his eyes. They were filled with warmth, with something dangerously close to love. For a fleeting moment, I wanted to tell him everything to stop playing this careful, deadly game.
But I knew he wouldn’t believe me.
How do you tell a man his wife is sleeping with his Beta? That they’re planning his death? That you’ve lived this life before, and this is your second chance to fix it?
I said nothing. I only cried.
“I miss my mother,” I said instead.
He held me tightly. “I’m sorry you carry so much pain, Venessa.”
I pulled away.
“If I last a year here,” I asked quietly, “will you release me, Alpha?”
He frowned, confused.
“I want to leave,” I explained. “Start over somewhere I’m not constantly reminded of everything I’ve lost and the one thing I can never have.”
He froze. He understood.
“It’s hard for me too,” he admitted. “You’re everything I wanted in a mate. But I’m bound to someone else. I won’t cheat on Jalisa believe me, it takes everything I have not to.”
I nodded. “I would never ask you to break your vows.”
He laced his fingers through mine.
“I’ve already broken them in my head,” he said quietly.
I stared at him, stunned.