When one learned from mistakes, the inside will lift from drowning. It was some sort of a guilty wish that I wanted to be a protagonist of a drama in TV or movie. It's enviable because those in the show seem to have no other responsibility so there's a lot of time for drama, revenge, rush, love-life and emo.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t do that.
I have bills to pay and attend to my daughter’s needs.
Good thing though I didn't have a headache when I cried a lot in that room. I don't know if I will regret it or just accept it because I want to. It's not who my opponent is here, just myself.
That’s what I thought not until I encountered Auntie Criselda again one afternoon when I go downstairs. Levi and Ria are gone because they let me know earlier that they have something to buy outside. They invited me but they failed to take me because I couldn't really go out yet.
It pushed Uncle Saldy while riding in a wheelchair. The latter seemed unhappy and just remained staring at nothingness.
"Why are you still here?" She asked me right away.
I was stunned by her question. I can feel the sudden trembling of my hands that I didn't have before. When I looked at it there were still traces of anger and pain in her eyes.
I bowed. “Levi didn’t want me to leave,” I told her, stuttering.
I heard her sarcastic laugh again which really hurt my ears. This old woman is getting into my nerves that if only I didn't have high respect for her because she is the parent of the person I love, I have sung it before. Actually, it must have been a long time.
“Really? Or are you the one who doesn't want to leave my house? How dare you showing up your face here? Knowing all your family history, I won’t be surprised that you’re only after my son’s money so you made him impregnated you right away,” she continued accusing me.
I bit my lower lip. I could see my tears constantly falling to the floor while repeatedly receiving swords from her.
"Or if that's really my son's child. Knowing my son, when he is crazy at a woman he does things he should not do,” she added.
I sighed. I rolled my eyes to find someone to save me from this monster but I could find none. I wish I had just joined the two of them. Or I just went home to the condo with Ria. I shouldn’t be here alone!
"I-I can't fool your son, especially since I'm not interested in this family's money," I almost whispered in response to her because I kept my voice from breaking.
I tried to clear my throat as I was trying to look at Uncle Saldy. I was surprised for a moment when I saw it staring at me. Associated with that look was the sadness and pain in his eyes. It seemed like he wanted to say something but he couldn’t because of his current condition.
“Stop fooling yourself and everyone in this house, Rae! You shouldn’t be here. I will never allow my son to marry you!” She told me almost out loud.
I closed my eyes tightly. I was already holding onto my chest and it was slightly beaten because of its extreme pain.
“I-I really love Levi, Auntie. I can’t afford to lose him because he is the father of my daughter. I'm not either—”
“Love is just a bulls, Rae. It can only ruin you. Do you know what’s the real meaning of that prohibited word? Sorrow.” It's a bitter cut to what I would say.
“Sure, it is one of the most beautiful things in this cruel world but it can also give you sorrow. That you can't afford to carry for life. It will never give you happiness even if you are still with it until the end,” she also added. Tears started to fall from her eyes.
She’s right about the sorrow because I can only see it in her eyes. It is evident on her eyes especially when she glanced at Uncle Saldy who was looking in another direction.
"I-I don't know what you and Levi have been through over the years but please, I can't bear to see my son marry the daughter of the woman who ruined my whole life and still tortures me to this day," she said, offended it told me.
As I stared at her, I remembered my mother's struggles during her lifetime. I used to think that papa was the reason why she cried every night but I was wrong. It was Uncle Saldy. It was her greatest love. The kind of love that was willing to do everything just for you to be together but it didn't do anything. Both parties are still suffering until now especially those who remain here in the world. But why does she keep us involved in this matter? It’s not her decision to make us separate.
“Just leave my son. He can accept that, I know him—”
"You don't really know your son then," I paused and gasp and air. "I-I really understand where you're coming from but like Levi told you, we haven't yet existed during those times," I added and tried to look at her again.
It was when she laughed again sarcastically. Her eyes were full of anger and hatred.
“Y-you don’t know what I was talking about! Just go home and take your child with you!” It kept shouting at me.
I could feel my chest pounding because of her scream. When I looked at Uncle Saldy, I was even more surprised to see him wipe away his tears. Is he crying? Why?
I shook and bowed. There were so many tears streaming down my face. Continuous. Uninterrupted. Every drop of it is heavy. Like how heavy we both feel but we can do nothing.
“I-I'm sorry, Auntie. It's nice to be loved by your son but it is so hard and painful at the same time," I told her as the fire inside of me lit again.
"P-please tell him that I love him but I'm having a hard time," I finally said and let myself run.
I was still moaning quietly inside the taxi. After some minutes, my phone beeped and I saw Levi’s name on it.
Levi
Where are you? We’re on our way home
I bit my lower lip while typing a message for him. When I was finally able to send it, I immediately turned it off.
To Levi
Bring Asteria back to my condo. Let’s end everything here. I don’t want you anymore