FIFTY-SEVEN
**-Indy’s POV-**
I wake up, still tired. I feel like I’m able to sleep all day! I think about last night, I spent all night in Fiona's room. We’ve talked.. a lot. The moment I told her she was going to be a grandmother, she cried from joy. It’s a bit weird, though, our kids will be only weeks apart. Especially since I’m expecting twins, who are probably coming a bit early. I feel a shadow appearing, thinking about the little twin. He or she is not growing well, said the doctor yesterday. I sigh and turn around, only to see the gorgeous faces of my two mates. It must be early, if they’re both here. I smile, when I touch Ryan’s face. I insisted on sleeping on the side tonight, because I felt like I needed some space. I know that if I sleep in the middle, I’m being crushed by two big guys, eager to hug me as tight as they can.
That reminds me of another big guy, a big wolf to be precisely. I can feel Buwan is excited about her pup too, but I know she’s as much worried as I am about the little one. And although she’s as much a mate to Ryan’s and Scott’s wolves, she has the urge to be with Raki. I think she feels that he needs her more than the others.
*Hey, love?* I mindlink my wolf.
*Hmmmm?*
*I’m scared…* I just say, feeling tears poking behind my eyes already. It’s like Buwan is the only one that knows exactly how I feel. Maybe she is, at this moment. Literally.
*I know, Indy. I’m too..*
*Do you want to visit Raki? I’m not sure if I’m able to mindshift, I forgot to ask the doctor, but I can give you my body for a moment?*
*I’d love that.*
Good. I’m lucky I’m sleeping on the side tonight, so it’s easier to sneak out. I grab a bathrobe and put it over my pyjama and tiptoe out of the room. I feel like I know exactly where to go, it doesn’t matter that the packhouse still feels like a maze to me. I just know where to go, Buwan knows.
We go outside and follow the pull by heart. I’m surprised to realize we’re not heading towards the hospital, but I don’t say a word and let Buwan guide us. She’s walking to a small house in the village, not far from the packhouse and I stand still in front of the door. Should I knock? Go inside? Is Raki even able to open the door? I chuckle, who am I kidding? It’s a wolf, I bet it’s better to just walk inside. He probably already feels we’re close anyway.
I open the door, step inside the darkness and wait for my eyes to get used to the darkness. Meanwhile, I push my awareness to the back of my mind and let Buwan see through my eyes. *Do you want me to look?* I ask her.
*Not this time, if you don’t mind. Soon, I promise.*
I don’t ask anymore questions, I trust my wolf. I close my eyes and make myself comfortable in the corner of my own head.
---
**-Buwan’s POV-**
I really love my human. She’s so kind, loving and patient! Without words, she already knows what I need. I’m so glad the Moon paired us together. I've waited for a long time to be able to show myself, but now that I'm here I don’t want any other human! I feel our connection, trust and bond growing each day. We’re slowly melting together to one.
I wait for my human to settle down in the back of our consciousness before I open the human eyes. I know he’s here. I feel warm and I wish I had a tail so I could show my happiness.
“Raki?” I wait for a moment. “It’s me, Buwan. I - I miss you. I wish I could shift, but it’s not safe… I - we - have to tell you something.” It’s weird how this human heart is bouncing in the chest. What is this feeling? It’s like I’m scared for Raki’s reaction. No, not scared. But I don’t know the word for it.
Suddenly, I feel the soft fur of Raki against my hands and instinctively I grab his fur and pet him. “Hey, you. Thanks for showing yourself.” I whisper. I get down to my knees and wait for Raki to come close again. My eyes are already used to the darkness, but because of the black fur of Raki, it’s still difficult to see him. I can see his eyes, though. They’re mesmerizing, the white and brown of his eyes are a huge contrast to the darkness around us. I smile, knowing he can see me perfectly fine. He should recognize my aura, my smell and my eyes. He knows I’m not Indy, but me: Buwan.
I really wished I could connect with him like I can with Indy. I want to mindlink him, but that’s only possible if we mate. But that have to wait before I'm able to shift again and only when Raki wants to. Luckily, we’re wolves with instincts and I can read his heart and body language perfectly fine.
Raki sniffs the air and comes closer again. He pushes his big head against mine and I chuckle. “Easy, Raki. It’s just this tiny human body.” Although Indy thinks she’s not tiny, I do think so. My body is much more solid, bigger and better. I laugh internally, because I know she knows that I feel this way now. We can separate our thoughts and body’s, if we want to, but not our emotions and feelings. And I do feel know that she’s irritated at the lack of appreciation I have for her body at this moment.
*Easy, girl, it’s just a joke. You’re good to.*
I just had to mindlink her, assuring her that everything is fine. If she chooses to, she can get dominance every second. I mean: it’s her body, she chooses to let me dominate it now. But if she wants to, she can take it back anytime she wants. It’s the same with me and our wolf-body. The moment she shapeshifts, I’m in dominance and can control when she shifts back. But that’s not the point, I just don’t want her to get insecure or left out. I’m grateful that she lent her body to me for this meeting with Raki.
While I was in my own thoughts, Raki lays down next to me, his big head resting on my folded legs. I let my fingers run through his fur, feeling he’s content with me right now.
“I’ve missed you, Raki. Oh I wish I could run with you every day, but I can’t. I want to visit you as much as possible, though. And I want you to meet Indy soon too. I want a lot, am I? But I really do, Raki. She’s part of me.”
I felt his body stiffen the moment I mentioned Indy. He still feels hesitant about the situation. Indy still killed Khal, if you think about it. And Raki is not ready to let Khal go, yet.
Raki pushes his nose against my belly and growls softly. I smile. “Yes, there’s a pup in there. No, two! Indy’s pregnant, *we* are pregnant. And although this pup is not yours, I hope you will accept it as much as you love me. Can you do that please?” I feel water coming out of Indy’s eyes, I believe it’s called crying. I feel sad. I feel sorry for Raki, but I’m very happy to be with him. And I know it all will be alright in the end. Raki just needs time, but I know he will accept Indy. And Ryan and Scott. I’m sure we can all be a big, happy family in the end, with all of us. I need all of them!
I’m enjoying these ‘stolen’ moments, knowing it can all be interrupted very soon. The moment Ryan or Scott wake up, we are in trouble. We shouldn’t have left without saying anything, not with all that was going on the past days.
I inhale the scent of Raki and let my head rest on his for a moment. I stare into his beautiful brown eyes and give a little peck on top of his snout. “I love you, Raki. But I need to give back control to Indy. You understand that right?”
I get a lick on my face as an answer and I chuckle. I hug his body one last time before I stand up and stretch this weird body. “Ugh. It’s stupid this body can’t sit comfortably on the ground for long…” I complain. Khal guides me to the front door and I open it. “I’ll be back soon, Raki.”
I start running back to the packhouse while I give Indy back control.
---
**-Indy’s POV-**
*Why are we running? Buwan?* I ask her, worried. What happened?
*We need to get back to our room! The boys will wake up soon and then we’re in trouble!*
I chuckle. *Relax…* I stop running and stare at the building that has risen through the trees already. *I mindlinked Ryan before I gave control to you. He knows.*
*Really?* Buwan asks me.
I nod. *Yes, I told them you were restless and needed to see him. I promised to be back in an hour. We’re fine.*
*Oh, thank Goodness. You’re clever.*
I chuckle. “I know…” I say out loud while I walk the last meters to the packhouse. *How was Raki doing? And why isn’t he in the packhospital anymore?*
*He is… fine. He didn’t need any medical attention anymore. And because there’s never been a case like his before, they gave him shelter in one of the small houses in the village. Trying to think of a more fitting solution. He didn’t want to get back to his old pack. So, yeah. It’s all temporarily I guess…*
I sigh, thinking about Buwan’s answer. I guess she’s right, I didn’t think of it that way. Without his human, he’s… nothing? He cannot rule a pack anymore, neither is he going to be accepted to a new one. Not because the rules don't allow him to, but because there’s no way to communicate with him and ask him the needed questions before he enters a new pack.
But there has to be a solution. I think I like the idea of him being around, maybe I even need him. I still feel a pull, although it’s rather faint and maybe it’s just because of the bond between Buwan and him. But still. I want him to feel good, be happy. I want my wolf to feel complete and happy. Feelings I can never have anymore, not fully. All because one stupid mistake I made. One rushed decision I made. And although it was all ‘valid’, because of the wolf-law, I didn’t have to. I could have found out what that darkness was, in Khal’s body. Maybe I still had time.
For the first time since the ‘accident’ I realize what I did. What the consequences are. And for the first time I’m not that confident about the choice I made. Hence, I’m blaming myself. I stand still, abruptly, and I feel the guilt burning in my chest. I feel my legs weaken and I fall to the ground, crying and sobbing.
*INDY!* I hear the worried voices of Scott, Ryan and Buwan in my head. But all I can do is cry…