Chapter 38

I reach out and turn up the music. Tha nature of the beast. Ice nine kills. I don't know how long Travis has been listening to this, but I like it. I think to myself that Hades is a huge INK fan and always has been. But why wouldn't Travis enjoy their music? I sit back and prop one leg up on the dashboard. He drives. He reaches out and grabs my tights. Pulls gently. Lets him hit me. He repeats it almost rhythmically as he hums softly.

"*Is the life we once dreamed now dead? But we won't breake, we will fight, we will storm through the night..."*

I don't hum along to it. I don't know the lyrics. I look at his hand instead. At the wedding ring he's wearing. At my hand. I reach over and open the glove compartment. He ignores me. I find the little velvet box and take the pair of rings from his hand. I examine it in the light and place it on his finger. He ignores me. He keeps the rhythm of the song with his fingers on the steering wheel. He tugs on my tights again and they give way. They break in one place. I look at him. He pulls his hand back guiltily. We go to the store. To the supermarket. I told him two days ago that it's weird to stay at his house and a little uncomfortable because I don't have the things I need. I don't have the coffee I drink or the cereal I eat and sure, maybe it's easy to buy a toothbrush once and leave it there or use his, but I need more than that. Cosmetics or some cream or even absorbents. Travis decided to go and buy the things I use. Which I like. I already bought the makeup I need and some creams, I bought the underwear to leave there, a few pairs to be clean all the time. The laundry detergent I use. He pulls into the parking lot and we get a cart. Now we buy what I drink and eat. And he actually does. His fridge is empty. When we enter the store, I follow him. I'm getting ready to playfully slap his ass when he grabs my hand in his.

"Don't you dare," he asks.

He knows me. I sigh and pull back. My hair is tied up, he was with me yesterday to straighten and dye it. I'm left with the left side half shaved. Slightly asymmetrical, the part underneath is red now and the one above is still pink, like before. I'm wearing my jeans, shorts and baggy pants. Boots and striped stockings, long to above the knees. Tights. A T-shirt of his, a loose gray one, cut short and my jacket on top. His plaid shirt tied at the waist. Travis is comfortable too. A simple T-shirt, khakis and baggy camouflage pants, he looks like some kind of military. But he actually looks good. Travis always looks good. I know I've only been free for a few days, not even a whole week, but I look at him and honestly I can't believe I'm married to this man. I'm divided in two. On one side is Hades and Apollo. There's the need to protect Hades and my love for him. But then, on the other side, there's Travis. It's the ease of being with him and the trust we have in each other. It's the support he gives me, that I try to give. It's... It's Travis.

I'm not sure why we split up between areas. I know he was fixated on healthy food and I went straight to Doritos. Sweet Chilli. I grab two bags and head to a slightly healthier area. Relatively. Cereal. I find him there. Reaching for a bag of oatmeal, already flavored.

"That's it," He's switching my bag to a box. "It's the same thing but a little healthier. You won't feel the difference, I promise."

I could take his word for it. His years as a coach should say something about him, I think. About his knowledge. But then, I wouldn't be myself if I kept my mouth shut.

"What if I don't want to eat healthy?"

Sigh.

"Yes, you do. You need healthy food, so your body can choose what it wants. If you don't eat much, at least eat real food, not preservatives and other crap."

"Do you think so?"

"I think I'm going to strangle you one day," he almost gives in irritation. "No…" he decides. "You look like you'd like this."

"We should try anyway," I decide. "Right? Hold on until you leave me signs," I whisper.

"Squeeze until…" he hesitates. "No. No. If I squeeze too hard what would happen then? You're so small that I think I could break your neck with my bare hands."

"You wouldn't do that," I say, and I don't know where I got my trust in him.

"No. I'd try not to. I'm used to you. Even if you're the devil on earth sometimes. Now, eat what I tell you and I'll... I'll convince my dad to hire you."

I understand why David is hesitant. I have no experience in the field and relative or not, I just got out of prison. Plus, Ted knows about my feelings for Hades. What Ted doesn't know is that I love Travis too. Different. But those are details.

"We have an understanding," I assure him.

He grins like he's won something and leaves me alone for a few moments. I look at the back of the box he put in the basket for me. I don't understand much of it anyway, I've never been good enough at chemistry to know what the hell those substances are. Someone clears their throat next to me.

"Kassie Velcro?"

I turn around. A little girl, about 12-13 years old. I look at her. Her mother comes up behind.

"Wade," I was mumbling without being sure why. "Yes. Is there a problem?"

"I'm Laura," she introduces herself cheerfully. "And this is Jenny. I just wanted to tell you that I'm your fan and that..."

"Fan?" I'll leave the box in the basket.

"Yes," her mother insisted. "She's practically obsessed with your case."

Not creepy at all.

"Okay…" I hesitate. "Thank you, I guess."

"Do you want to take a picture with us?" The girl insists. "For Instagram? Or at least a short story? I have a fanpage for you," she giggles.

Not creepy at all. But I feel bad about refusing so I accept. I let her take a selfie, just one, and I'm glad when Travis turns around. When I feel his hand on the hem of my pants and he tugs gently.

"I can see your back," he announces.

"Is this your first time?"

I can't help myself. He throws two packs of condoms into the basket as he reaches for my hip and kisses my forehead. For a few moments I forget what I was doing. I forget where I am and who I'm with.

"Who are… your friends?" He asks me.

"Oh! Laura and Jenny," I answer without bothering to tell her who is who. "Laura has a page dedicated to me on Instagram. He is my husband," I introduce him for the first time and I feel his fingers pressing against my skin. I am sure he is filled with the same emotions that are taking over me.

"Husband? Are you married?" Jenny asks.

"But I thought… That you were a feminist!" The girl hesitated.

"I can be a feminist and have a husband," I shrug. "And you need new interests. It's not okay to... I'm not a good role model for anyone, you understand? You need idols who haven't killed people."

She answers me something but I'm not paying attention anymore. She insists anyway. And I feel like I did my duty by warning her once. I know she's at an impressionable age. I know she shouldn't admire me, there's nothing to admire in my gesture.

"Tonight I'm staying at your place," I announce Travis. "Is that okay?"

Okay. I've never slept there. I know he wants me to do it anyway. I know I want to do it today because I wouldn't know how to explain to my dad that a little girl finds me a model.

"We have to stop by Gerald's first. You have the dress for tomorrow there and honestly, I won't wake up in the morning to bring it to you or take you to get it."

"Lazy."

"I like sleep," he shrugged.

"Damn," I stop next to some chocolate and hesitate.

"You can have it if you think you're eating it," he assured me. "I'm not going to tell you it's not healthy at all."

I don't care. It's the chocolate my dad always bought my mom. I grab another brand, not looking at the flavors. A box of candy. I know Travis doesn't understand. I appreciate that he doesn't ask. I appreciate that he respects my privacy, that he doesn't treat me like I'm made of glass. I try not to, but my mind compares him to Hades. Hades insists that I eat. Whatever. Travis knows that this is my decision, that he can't force me and that I have to be the one to decide. He just suggests that I eat things that actually help me.