Chapter 14 Chapter 14
ΚΑΙ
Alina's quiet sobs filled the car as we drove back to the palace. Each one pierced through me like a knife. I kept glancing over at her, my heart tightening with every tear that rolled down her cheeks. I wanted to reach out, to comfort her somehow, but I knew any touch from me would only make it worse. The guilt was a heavy weight in my chest. I had caused her so much pain, and now I was dragging her back into my world again.
"Alina... please," I tried, my voice barely above a whisper. I knew she wouldn't want to hear anything I had to say, but I had to try. "I know this is hard, but I promise, it's going to be okay."
She turned her face away, pressing her forehead against the window, like she had been since. She didn't respond, didn't even look at me. Her shoulders were trembling with each sob, and I felt completely helpless.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, though I wasn't sure if she could even hear me. "I wished there was some way I could make you feel better." I did not know if speaking was making things worse, but I could not just sit back and watch while she was hurting like this.
She kept crying, her breaths coming out in broken gasps. I wondered if this was how she was when I had hurt her that time. The guilt ate up at me and I suddenly went silent. I didn't know what else to say to her, to make her believe that I genuinely regretted everything I'd done. I could hear Nyx growling in the back of my mind.
'You're selfish,' Nyx snarled. 'You brought her back because you need her to ascend the throne, not because you care about her.'
I flinched at his words, "I'm trying to fix things," I hissed under my breath, hoping Alina wouldn't hear. "I'm trying to make it right."
'Are you?' Nyx challenged, his voice sharp and accusing. 'Do you really want to make it right by her, or just for yourself? Do you want Alina, or do you want her because you need her for the throne?'
I was quiet for a moment, swallowing hard. I felt a surge of frustration, both with myself and with Nyx. "Both," I muttered finally. "I want both."
Nyx let out a low growl of disapproval, but I shut him out, focusing on the road ahead. I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to face the truth that was clawing at my insides. Yes, I needed Alina to ascend the throne, but I also needed her there with me. I wasn't ready to admit that, not even to myself.
When we finally reached the pack, I turned to look at her. Alina's face was streaked with tears, her eyes swollen and red. She looked so small, so broken. The urge to protect her from pain and myself came at me strongly.
"Come on," I said softly, opening the door and stepping out. Before I could open her door, a guard had already done that. We walked into the palace, and I kept glancing at her, waiting to see if her reaction was going to change but it was nothing but the ordinary. When we reached upstairs using the elevator, I turned to look at her. "I've arranged for you to stay in a different room, closer to mine. It's more comfortable."
"No," she said sharply, her voice stronger than I expected. "Take me back to the chambers I was in earlier."
I hesitated. "But I thought-"
"No, Kai," she interrupted. "I don't want any special treatment from you. Just take me back to where I was."
I swallowed my frustration and nodded. "Alright," I murmured. "I'll take you back."
We walked in silence through the dimly lit hallways. The tension between us was palpable. When we reached the room, I opened the door and gestured for her to go inside. She walked past me, keeping her distance.
"Do you need anything?" I asked, my voice soft. I hated how small I sounded, how desperate I felt just asking her that.
She shook her head, "No. I'm fine," she replied curtly.
I nodded slowly. "I'll send someone in with some fresh clothes and food," I offered. "You should try to eat something, rest a little."
"Fine," she muttered, not meeting my eyes.
I lingered for a moment, taking in the sight of her-the tear stains on her cheeks, the redness in her beautiful green eyes. She looked so fragile, so vulnerable. I felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to pull her into my arms, to hold her close and tell her that everything would be okay. That I would make it okay, somehow. But I didn't. I knew better than to touch her. Instead, I swallowed the urge, feeling my chest tighten with the weight of all the things I wanted to do but couldn't.
"I'll leave you to rest," I muttered. "Just think about staying back here. I'd like you to stay, Alina." I regretted saying that, because I knew she could choose to not stay just because I asked her to.
But she did not say anything like that. Probably did not even register that I told her that as she turned away, hugging herself, " I'll think about it."
I felt a flicker of hope as I nodded, even though she wasn't looking at me, then turned to leave. As I closed the door behind me, I let out a heavy sigh. Nyx's voice came back, sharp and accusatory. Goodness, sometimes I really hated him.
'You're still thinking of yourself. You want her for the throne. You don't really care about her.' He growled.
I clenched my fists, trying to push his voice away.
"I do care," I whispered harshly. "I care about her more than you know."
'Then prove it,' Nyx demanded. 'If you really care for her as you claim to be then you will let her go because you know she is not good here. You are only going to hurt her more than you already have.'
I shut my eyes as I push his voice back at the back of my head. He knew that it was not possible. I did care about her, but I cared about the throne more. If I wanted her to stay here, I needed to prove to Alina that I wasn't the man who had hurt her three months ago, that I could be different, better. But how? How could I convince her to trust me again when I'd done so much to break that trust?
Minutes later, I made my way down the hall to find Lily. She was in the kitchen, preparing her signature steak that always made my stomach growl from hunger. She looked up when I entered, her face immediately softening with concern. "Come on, I cooked for you. I knew you would need it after today." She came towards me.
"Alina is back with me," I deadpanned, and her eyes widened. "We found out that Xavier was cheating on her."
She winced, "How is she?"
"Not good, She's broken. Hurt. I wish there was something I could do to help." I sighed.
"Is she going to stay here?" she asked.
"I want her to stay, but I am not sure that I have earned that yet. She is staying here in the meantime. I hope she will decide to stay back."
Lily placed a comforting hand on my arm. "I hope so too. Give her time," she advised. "Don't push her. Let her make her own decision. Show her that you're not the same man who hurt her."
I nodded, knowing she was right. "I am going to."
"I am not going to pretend you are doing this for her, not for the throne, but I hope you will make better decisions, Kai. She deserves more than what you are planning to do to her." She said and before I could reply, she turned around and dished the steak. She placed mine on a plate and served it to me, then walked away with hers.
I thought deeply about what she had just said. It was possible for me to have both. I looked down at the steak and suddenly, my appetite was lost. I heard Nyx stir in me again, trying to give me yet another earful but I pushed out before he could. I did not need any more guilt tripping for him again. I had to focus on what was more important. I was not going to hurt her again, I was very sure of that, but the Crown was more important to me now. I was not going to let anything stand in the way of that. As the epiphany settled in me, my appetite returned, and I dug into my steak.