185

185
Throwing the last of the trash she’d dragged out of the house into the Dumpster, she jumped back when a bumblebee buzzed so close to her face she felt the breeze created by its wings. Her heart thumped hard in her chest and the air left her lungs in a gush, and she laughed at her silly reaction.

But it was a similar reaction to how she felt with Tyler. She’d never admit to the belly-clenching, spine-tingling, heart-in-her-throat rush she got whenever he was near. Still it was true, and if weeks with Tyler left her feeling so out of her depth, what would a year be like? Two? She had to stay strong, not let him wear her down. He’d get fed up with her moods and her baggage and stupid issues and walk away for good. It was only a matter of time. Maybe Lily was right about some things, but she was definitely wrong about others.

Nothing was worth the fear of loving something you couldn’t control.

________

Tyler felt Paul's stare and braced himself. “Whatever it is, just say it.”

Lexi's father took his cap off and wiped a red patterned hanky over his head. “Just commiserating, son.”

Tyler stilled, the wood trim piece forgotten in his hands. How much longer could this go on? “Any advice?”

Four weeks had passed since the accident and miscarriage and even though he’d spent every morning and evening with Lexi, she kept him at arm’s length. She wouldn’t go anywhere with him, or do anything with him. He’d resorted to using any excuse to touch her, talk to her—and it took a lot of effort.

“None worth taking. I seemed to always do the wrong thing with my wife when she was alone. I guess if I did offer up something, it would be to remember that some people have to lose a good thing before they appreciate it.”

“Lexi and I have both learned that lesson the hard way.”

“No, son. I didn’t mean the baby. Lexi is testing your sticking power. Some people learn quickly, but others take longer,” the man continued. “Lexi is one of them.”

Paul held the trim piece in place with one hand and motioned for Tyler to grab the nail gun to fasten it to the window’s frame.

“You love her. I can tell. I'm sorry I doubted you at first.”

Tyler put his head down with a groan. 

“I guess what I’m saying is that some people have to hit rock bottom before they wake up and swim. You’re fighting, but Lexi is still floating.”

Tyler pulled the trigger and the blast of compressed air shooting the nail into place filled the house.

“She’s afraid to try because if she doesn’t, she can’t be disappointed again. Losing the baby…you.”

Tyler set the gun aside and grabbed another piece of precut trim. “How do I fight that fear? She’s afraid of failing, but not trying to make it work is failing.” He didn’t like the look in Paul's eyes.

“You can’t beat it, son. You’re not a boy with a crush. You see Lexi's faults and you love her anyway, but that fear in her is bigger than you and until she gets control, nothing you do is gonna win her over. Son, I never thought the day would come when I would say this to the man married to my daughter, but sometimes a man has to know when to walk away and hope what you’re wanting comes after you.”

_________

Tyler was about ready to pack up for the day when he heard slow, measured footsteps approaching. He hesitated, then continued what he was doing.

“Thanks for all your help around the house these past weeks.”

“Consider it all a wedding gift.” He turned to look at her and had a hard time biting back the words that came to his lips. He hadn’t seen Lexi much in the past couple days but she looked even worse than before—gaunt and exhausted and wound too tight. He stared at her, hating the situation they were in, knowing it could be easier if she’d bend a little and realize the baby wasn’t the end. But first he had to acknowledge that Paul was right.

Staying so close to Lexi certainly wasn’t helping her face what had happened. Their marriage had worked out and it had been acceptable to her so long as the baby was a buffer, but without it she was too scared to trust his feelings for her—and hers for him?

Heart heavy and aching, Tyler finished staining the last section and wrapped the brush up to clean later, then headed out onto the porch for the fresh air he needed to do what he had to do. “The fumes are getting to me,” he said as he seated himself on the steps.

After a minute or two, Lexi followed.

“Beautiful night, eh?” Fireflies danced over the grass. Smiling sadly, he got up again and stepped off the porch, headed out into the darkness. 

“What are you doing?”

Tyler reached out and caught one of the fireflies in his palms, carrying it back to her. She wouldn’t take it. “Lexi….”

He heard her swallow, the sound audible over the crickets in the woods behind them. Careful of his winged friend, Tyler snagged her hand in his and opened her fingers, gently pressed so that the lightning bug crawled into her palm.

“I made you a promise. And I want to keep it. But day after day you won’t give me anything in return. No friendship, no thought of reconciliation. No hope. I need more.”

“I—”

“Let me finish.” Tyler stared down at their hands, his chest tight. “Our marriage was starting to work out for a while. That last weekend before…It was everything we should’ve been. I know you need time to recover from the miscarriage, but I need some kind of sign or signal, something to hold on to right now. I’m tired of beating my head against the wall, Lexi. I’m tired of the way things are between us.”

“The baby is gone.”

“Yes, it is. But I married you because I love you.” Tyler lifted his head and looked her square in the face, letting her see everything he felt.

She closed her eyes. “No.”

“Yes,” he countered softly. “Maybe the circumstances weren’t ideal and maybe we rushed things, but I love you. And I don’t ever want you to doubt that. Especially now when…”

“When what? Why are you saying this?”