Chapter 38 SLOANE
Chapter 38 SLOANE
Chapter 38
SLOANE
Ever since that text, I had always wondered, actually, I kept racking my brain. Thinking of what I did or might have said to Xaden but I couldn’t remember. My mind was as blank as a blank screen.
But I knew I did something. Because whenever Xaden looked at me since that night, he seemed taken aback. He doesn’t look at me the same way again and I am scared. Scared that I might have let myself say some horrible things to him because I felt hurt that he had left me years ago.
“Sloane?” His deep, worried voice yanked me out of my mind, forcing me to look at him as I had been seated next to him for the last thirty minutes without saying a word while he worked on the file on his iPad.
I turned to him, eyes flickering, dragging down his round neck white top. My eyes flickered as I pulled myself to keep my gaze on his face. “Yes?” I answered, trying to look unbothered but I don’t think I am doing a good job. Even if I am, Xaden knows me too well to buy my act.
“You look like you have a lot of things on your mind that you want to say right now. Do you have something you want to talk to me about?” He asked, calm, collected, patient, and sweet. His eyes held no demand but concern settled on his face.
You know what? Fuck it!
“Did I say something mean to you?” I blurted.
“What?”
“Tell me,” I demanded.
He shook his head, looking bewildered, “I have no idea what you are talking about, Baby.”
“The night I got drunk,” I said. “Listen, I know I said something wrong. I must have hurt your feelings that night. Whatever it is, I’m sorry. I… I just… I don’t want you to hate me because of something I did when I was drunk.” I whimpered, fidgeting.
Silence.
“Peach? Baby, look at me.” He demanded and I did.
“You tortured me that night.” He admitted.
I groaned, “I knew… I probably rubbed it in your face how sad I was and hated you. Even though you also had a lot going on at the time, maybe even worse… I’m sorry and I —-“
“Will you let me finish?” He cut me off.
“Right… sorry, go on.”
“You did not torture me in the way you think you did.” He paused and slammed his eyes shut while his throat bobbed in the most seductive way possible. “Sloane, after that kiss, my life never remained the same.” He started.
Oh… is he telling what happened five years ago?
“When my father died, he didn’t just die and… he left our family with debts. Debts that would have taken forever to pay and he wasn’t just owing banks, he was owing a lot of people… bad people. People who… “ he paused.
I had never seen him struggle to speak before. Xaden was one to avoid the topic because it was too hard but for him to stutter or his voice to break mid-sentence, that has never happened before.
“Five years ago down to the last two years ago was hard for me, it was a part of my life I never want to remember. I part I want to remain buried for as long as I am alive and I know it’s not fair to you.. You deserve an explanation but Sloane, baby… I … I am not ready to face those hard feelings… they were scary… I was alone…I…” he paused again, “I’m sorry. baby, you deserve better and I will never hate you… never… even if I want to, I could not possibly hate you… have you met you? You are the most likeable person I have ever met.” He ended with a smile.
Silence.
I was selfish.
There were hints.
My mum asked if he was okay. Isaac talked about what he might have gone through but I ignored it. Because I was blinded by my childish anger, forgetting that he lives in a different world where things can’t simply be black and white. And instead of making him feel loved and happy, I added to his problem.
He said it was scary. He said he was alone. And a part of me shattered.
My mind tried to picture what he could have gone through. My mind tried to imagine how he must have trembled all myself but no matter how much I tried to imagine it, it won’t change anything.
“Sloane, I—“
“Can I hug you, Muffin?” I asked. The words rolled off my mouth before I could even talk myself out of it. A part of me just felt that, he needed that hug.
He didn’t refuse. So I took that as a yes, sat on the arm of the couch, and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding his face to my chest.
“You’re not alone…. Not anymore. You have me now and I am sorry I ignored what you might have gone through and focused only on my pain. But that changes. I will be here for you going forward, no matter what you need. Will you let me stay?”
Silence.
He leaned on me. “If I say no, will you stay away?” He asked
“No.”
He giggled. “Thanks, Peach.”
I stepped away, “What did you mean when you said I tortured you? Did I harm you in any way? Did I bite you? Or curse at you? Oh my God! Don’t tell me I caused you any bodily harm?” I gasped, hands over my mouth.
He laughed, “If you caused me bodily harm, I’d be in the hospital and the answer to all your questions is no….but just how hard have you wanted to harm that you are so worried you might have unleashed a huge amount of pain on me?”
“No comment,” I whispered. “But seriously tell me.” I pouted.
He locked his iPad and lifted himself off the couch. He strode to the kitchen and I followed him. “Tell me, Xaden.”
He dropped his cup of coffee and turned to me. “You need to sleep, Sloane… you have a full day tomorrow, do you know how big the Sky Art Museum is?” He asked.
“Xaden, stop changing the topic and …”
His lips pressed against my cheek, cutting me off, “Good night, Sloane.”