Chapter 19

Chapter 19


Liam's POV

Jason hates me.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt so bad. Hearing Jason words hurt like a dagger being stabbed into my heart. I was bent down on the floor, and my chest was heaving up and down. The pain was unbearable. Ryan walked towards me. He placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't cry, Liam. It's going to be okay. Jason will calm down and realize what a bitch he was being."

"No, Ryan. he won't. he hates me. he hates us." I sobbed.

At that point, I didn't want Ryan's affection or care.

I mean, yes, I loved him, but Jason ...

Jason was my best friend. I loved him. he meant a lot to me. And I just lost him.

" Liam Stop crying."

"I can't. I can't. This is really bad. Didn't you hear him? He hates me. He wants me out of his life. Ryan, I have no other friend, and I'm not close to my family. Jason has always been like a brother to me. I need to fix this." I said.

I stood up. My hands shook as I made my way to the bedroom. I needed to get my clothes and leave.

"Hey. Hey. Calm down, Liam." Ryan reached to grab my hand, but I pushed it away.

"Don't touch me. This is your fault. If you hadn't seduced me. If we hadn't gotten together, none of this would have happened." I yelled.

I quickly put on my clothes.

"What the fck, Liam?" Ryan asked.

"It's my fault now," he said.

"Yes," I replied.

"I told you from the very beginning that you were trouble and you weren't good for me, and all you're going to do is ruin my life. That's what boys like you do." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Also, why did you even bring me here? Huh? Why did you bring me to this place when it was raining? You should have taken me back to the dorm. Jason wouldn't have found us together if you'd just done that. Now, I lost my best friend. This is your fault, Ryan. No one is to blame but you."

I began to panic and paced around the room. From the corner of my eye, I could see Ryan. He looked hurt and angry.

He folded his arms and frowned.

"Are you ashamed of me, Liam?" Ryan asked.

"What?" I was confused.

"Are you ashamed of me? Do you think being with me is so horrible that it will ruin your life?" he asked again.

"That's ... that's not what I said." I protested.

"But that's what you meant. You're ashamed of me, Liam. You're a goody two shoes who's afraid of people finding out that you're dating a bad boy. That's why you care about what Jason or Brandon thinks. Because you're ashamed of me. Isn't that right?" Ryan yelled.

"You're being ridiculous, Ryan don't spin this on me. You're the one who wanted a one-night stand. Don't try to play the victim. Ok." I argued.

Ryan tapped his feet and sighed.

"I thought you were different, Liam. I thought you loved me for me. I was ready to make you mine. I asked you to be my boyfriend-"

"And I said yes." I interrupted him.

"I said yes because I love you, Ryan, and I want to be with you. But not like this. Not if it means losing Jason. He's like family to me. And you don't seem to care about that. He's your brother. And that's the thing, Ryan, Jason is right. You don't care about anyone but yourself."

I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. I didn't mean to say it like that. I needed him to understand how special Jason was.

I had no other friend. As an adopted kid, I didn't have much of a social life. My family never took me places or allowed me to attend school activities.

I was closeted growing up and even homeschooled some of the time.

Jason was the first person I ever connected with. He was my everything. He was my only friend.

My family didn't matter. I barely knew them. They had no impact on me.

But Jason.

Losing Jason was painful.

Ryan looked like I had slapped him with my words. His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

"Wow." He muttered.

"I can't believe this, Liam. You care about Jason more than me," he said.

" Jason is my best friend." I cried.

"And-and I'm what? Not important? I don't matter to you?"

"No. That's not what I meant." I tried to speak, but he cut me off.

"Yes, that is exactly what you meant. You are ashamed of me, Liam. And that's fine. Don't worry. I'm used to being ashamed. All my life, people have been ashamed of me. I'm a loser. I'm good for nothing. Jason was right. All I do is play around with girls and get arrested. I'm trouble. I'm not good for you. Maybe you should leave, Liam" Ryan shouted.

I was shocked. He was raising his voice at me and pointing at the door.

"Maybe you should get the fck out." He yelled.

"Are you serious... right now... Ryan." I stammered.

"Are you kicking me out?" I sobbed. I could feel the tears threatening to fall.

This couldn't be happening. Ryan was angry. Angrier than I had ever seen him.

His eyes were red, and his body was stiff. He looked like he was about to explode.

This wasn't my Ryan. This wasn't the same Ryan I had made love to earlier. The one who told me he loved me and wanted me to be his.

He looked scary.

"No. Go ahead, Liam. Leave. Get the fck out. You were right, it was a mistake. This. Us. It's a big fcking mistake." He growled.

"R- Ryan. What's wrong with you?" I asked. I took a step closer to him.

When I looked into his eyes, I could see that he was holding back tears.

He was hurt.

" Ryan... Please..." I whispered. I tried to touch his cheek, but he caught my hand and pulled it away.

"I can't do this, Liam. Just leave. Get out. Get out. Now." He demanded.

I jumped back in surprise and stumbled. He had a stern look on his face.He looked cold and angry. His grip on my hand tightened as he tried to catch his breath while he spoke.

"You are what's wrong with me, Liam," he said.

He moved closer and held both of my arms. He placed them on his chest and held them tightly.

"Look At Me." He demanded.

"I am a screw-up. I always will be. People are right about me. But I'm tired of that. I want to change. And I thought you would help me. I thought you believed in me." He paused.

Then he let go of my arm and took a step back.

"I love you,Liam .But right now, I'm pissed off. So, it's better you leave before I say something stupid and ruin things between us even more. Just go." He said.

I nodded. I was hurt. So hurt by his words and actions. Ryan was breaking my heart. It felt like a million pieces of glass were piercing through my heart.

"Ok. Okay. I'll go." I replied.

I turned my back on him and slowly walked out the front door.I closed the door behind me and let the tears roll down my face. I cried and cried until no more tears came. Then, I wiped my face with my sleeve and pulled out my phone. It was night already. The rain had stopped. The moon was shining bright in the sky. I didn't know where I was or which direction the dorm was. The only way out of here would be ordering an taxi. I turned back to the house again.

For some reason, I hoped that Ryan would come out and apologize. Maybe, he would tell me that he didn't mean what he said and he wanted me to stay. He would pull me into his arms and kiss me. And tell me everything was going to be okay. Having him kick me out like that really hurt. But then I remembered Ryan's words.

Ryan doesn't care about anyone but himself. And maybe he never will. That thought crushed my heart and brought a whole new set of tears. I felt the sadness wash over me again. The feeling was overwhelming. My heart hurt. My eyes hurt. My body was aching. All I wanted was a long nap and time to cry for days.

The taxi I ordered finally arrived. I told him the dorm address and got in. I rested my head against the window and watched the world pass by.

I had lost Brandon, Jason, and even Ryan in a day.

This was a nightmare.

How was I going to fix this? How was I going to make Jason understand?

I loved Ryan. I really did. And I know I was wrong for hiding the truth from him, but what could I have done? My mind was racing, and my body felt exhausted. The taxi driver noticed how sad and quiet I was and tried to cheer me up. He asked if I was okay. I nodded and forced a smile.

Then I asked him to turn the radio on. The music was loud. It helped to drown out the voices in my head. I leaned back into the chair and closed my eyes. I needed a moment. I just needed a moment.