Chapter 27

Neither of them spoke for several moments. She never dreamed Danny would admit to changing as much as he had. But maybe this was a good thing. If he was finally willing to acknowledge something was wrong, maybe he could get some help. Maybe they could salvage their relationship.

The thought of that had anxiety rising up in her. She loved Danny, but did she want to be with him? Did she want to fix their relationship? Doing so meant no more Bradley, and the idea of giving him up completely had her breaking out in a cold sweat.

“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, Carissa, and I never wanted to hurt you,” Danny said.

“I know. I never wanted to hurt you, either.”

He smiled, a bitter laugh escaping. “Yet, here we are.” He held his arms out to his sides, then let them drop, his palms smacking against his thighs. “Seems all we do is hurt each other.”

She wanted to remind him that he hurt her more than she’d ever hurt him, but she bit her tongue. Saying that wouldn’t solve anything and only cause more problems.

“You scare me, Danny,” she blurted before she lost her nerve. “When you get mad, and we argue… You say and do things that terrify me. Like leaving me at the bonfire.” She hugged herself and resisted the urge to shiver. “All my friends had already left. My phone was broken.” Her voice hitched.

“That was a dick thing to do. I know that, and I can never tell you how sorry I am. For what it’s worth, I did go back, but you were already gone.” He scrunched up his face. “Tiffany told me you were safe, and that made me feel better, but… where were you?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. Should she tell him the truth? His behavior right now was confusing, to say the least, but was he being genuine? Could she be totally honest and continue to have a meaningful conversation with him? Or would he flip out on her like he usually did?

“Bradley found me,” she said, hoping Danny would accept that answer and drop the subject. She should’ve known better.

“My roommate Bradley?”

She nodded.

Danny narrowed his eyes, his jaw tensing. “So, you were with him all weekend?”

“Yes.” She cleared her throat. “But nothing happened.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t for lack of trying on his part,” Danny mumbled.

The hair on the back of her neck rose with a mix of fear and uncertainty. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, please.” Danny huffed. “I’ve seen how he looks at you.” He shook his head with disgust. “He wants you, Carissa, and I’ve given him the perfect opening.” He muttered a string of curses under his breath.

Carissa tensed. Danny was a lot more observant than she’d given him credit for, and now she couldn’t help but wonder who else had noticed the weird tension between her and Bradley.

“He’s a friend,” she said with emphasis. “Nothing more.”

The lie tasted bitter on her tongue. She might not ever get another chance to be completely open and honest with Danny, and rather than seizing the opportunity, she was piling one lie on top of another. But what guarantee did she have that Danny wouldn’t flip some invisible switch and become that guy who frightened her?

“I have no idea what to do anymore.” Danny wandered toward one of the stone benches that lined the wall outside the cafeteria building. He propped his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. “I’ve fucked up so bad, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Carissa’s resolve softened, and she sat next to him. “You need help, Danny. Professional help. You need to deal with our loss and get control of your temper.” Cautiously, she rested her hand on his arm.

He dropped his hands from his face and turned to look at her. Tears pooled in his eyes. “I know.” He sat up straight. “And I’m willing to do all of that. I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right between us.”

She gave him a genuine smile. Hope bloomed in her chest. Maybe this was a turning point for them. “And I’ll support you all the way,” she promised.

Even if they didn’t—or couldn’t—save their relationship, she wouldn’t go back on that promise. Danny needed someone in his corner, someone he could count on to help him help himself. She’d be that person for him, because deep down to her core, that was the type of person she was, and she’d fight with everything in her to get that girl back.

“Thank you.” He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “So, what does this mean for us?”

She licked her suddenly dry lips. Her heart thundered, and her stomach twisted with nerves. Now was her chance to say what had been on her mind, but now that the moment had arrived, she wasn’t sure she could form the words.

“I think…” She took a deep breath and eased her hand from his. She wiped her sweaty palms on her legs. “I think we should take a break. Just until you get the help you need.”

His eyes darkened, and she scooted away a little, then angled her body toward his. If she couldn’t make him understand what she meant, this conversation would explode into an argument.

“You want to break up?” he asked, his tone tight.

“Just until you get better,” she said, her voice pleading. “I think it will be better for both of us. You can focus on dealing with your grief and anger, and I can focus on me. Neither of us are the same people we were a year ago. You have to know that.”

“I do,” he admitted, though a little reluctantly.

“When we first met, things were amazing. We were great together,” she said with a sad smile. “But now, all we do is fight and say things to hurt each other. We both need to find ourselves again so we can get back to the way we used to be. I miss that. I miss us.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“I miss us, too,” he said with a heavy sigh. After a moment, he nodded. “Okay, so we take time to fix ourselves, then we fix us.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, wondering if she really would uphold that deal. She’d figure that out when the time came. For now, she’d take this as a win. The weight that had been bearing down on her for months lifted, and for the first time in too long, she could breathe without feeling like she was constantly gasping for air.

“Just promise me you’ll be here when this is over,” he said. “Because I don’t want to lose you, Carissa. I’m doing all of this for you. For us.”

“I told you I’d be here for you,” she said.

Even though she’d been lying to him—and kissing another guy behind his back—Carissa refused to promise him this. That’s where she drew the line. Now that she had the freedom to truly be herself again, she vowed to make choices that stayed true to who she was.

Danny slipped his hand along the side of her neck and drew her closer. Then his mouth was on hers in a kiss that was sweet and short and reminiscent of the way he used to kiss her. Nostalgia for the earlier days of their relationship flooded her senses.

“I love you,” he said, resting his forehead to hers. “And I’m going to prove that I can be the man you fell in love with. No matter what it takes, I’ll prove I’m worthy of someone as wonderful as you.”

Carissa blinked back tears, her smile more of a frown. She cupped his cheek. “I know you will.”

And that terrified her. Because what if Danny became the same guy she’d met a year ago? She’d loved that guy with her whole heart. She’d convinced herself that he was the one, the guy she’d spend the rest of her life with.

But so much had changed. Could she forgive him for all he’d done, for all the pain and heartache and tears he’d caused her? Even if she could, what about Bradley? He’d gotten under her skin, and she couldn’t shake him. She didn’t want to.

“I’m going to go call my dad,” Danny said as he stood. “He always knows the right things to say.” He titled his head, eyes filled with love. “Want me to walk you back to your res hall?”

“No, thank you.” She met his gaze. “I think I’m just going to sit here for a while and think.”

“Are you sure?” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, but thanks.” She smiled.

“Okay. Will you call me later to let me know you’re home safe?”

Another wave of nostalgia crashed over her, and she gripped the ledge of the bench on either side of her legs, the rough stone cutting into her palms. He used to ask her to do that all the time, and she always would.

“Of course,” she said after a moment.

“Thank you.” He hesitated. “Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later, then.”

She nodded.

Reluctantly, Danny turned on his heel and walked away, head down. Seeing him leave like that had a funny feeling brewing inside of her. How had they gotten to this point? Fresh tears pooled in her eyes, and she didn’t try to stop them as they coursed down her cheeks.

She’d wanted to break-up with Danny for a while, but now that she had, she wasn’t sure how she felt about the whole thing. Definitely relieved. And sad. But more than that, she was… at peace. This decision had been the right one, and she knew that, but the idea that this was the last time she’d kiss him or hold his hand had a strange sensation swirling in her chest. Emotions she couldn’t name bubbled up inside of her.

Her phone buzzed, startling her. She wiggled her phone from her front pocket and swiped her thumb across the screen.

Tiffany: You okay? We’re all really worried about you.

Carissa: I’m okay. Can you come home? I need some BFF time.

Tiffany: On my way.

Carissa smiled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She always could count on Tiffany to be there when needed. Shoving her phone into her pocket, Carissa stood and started the short trek back to her residence hall. A warm breeze caressed her face and helped to dry her tears. By the time she reached her room, her mood had lifted.

But the second she walked into her room and tossed her keys onto her bed, she broke out into sobs. The first time she and Danny had sex was in that bed. Tiffany had graciously found something to do one night so that Carissa and Danny could be alone.

She sank down onto her mattress and ran her hand over her comforter. She’d been so nervous that night. She hadn’t been a virgin when she met Danny, but she also hadn’t had a ton of experience. Danny had been so patient and tender with her. She sniffled and wiped her wet cheeks. That night had been incredible, and she’d never forgotten it.

Then again, she hadn’t been able to forget the few stolen moments she had with Bradley, either. The way he made her feel didn’t come close to how she felt with Danny. Being with Bradley was euphoric and intensely passionate. He stole her breath and made her heart race with very little effort. Sure, Danny gave her tingles, but he didn’t drive her to the brink of insanity like Bradley did.

If their make-out sessions were any indication, she had zero doubts that Bradley would be phenomenal in bed. A huge part of her wanted to find out, to drive straight back to his house and knock on his bedroom door. The more she thought about the idea, the more she was convinced that was exactly what she needed to do.

“Hey,” Tiffany said as she walked into their shared room.

Carissa looked up at her friend through tear-filled eyes.

“Oh, honey.” Tiffany sat beside Carissa and pulled her into a hug. “What’s wrong?”

“Danny and I broke up,” she said, her voice much calmer than she expected. “I know it’s for the best, but it still hurts, y’know? I feel like I’ve just lost an entire year of my life.”

“No.” Tiffany released Carissa, then took hold of her hands. Tiffany’s gaze was insistent yet full of compassion. “What you had with Danny in the beginning was great. We all saw that, and we all thought you two would be together a long time. Finding love like that, no matter how short, is never a waste.”

Carissa smiled through her tears. “Thank you.”

Tiffany nodded. “How did Danny take it?”

“Surprisingly well.” She stood and snatched a couple tissues from the box on the edge of her desk. “In fact, he admitted he needs help with his temper. He apologized for how he’s been acting and swore he would do whatever it takes to make things right between us.”

“And that’s what you want?” Tiffany leaned back on her hands.

Carissa shrugged. “I don’t know what I want anymore. All I know is I hate this person I’ve become.”

“Well, I think you’re fucking amazing, and my opinion is the only one that matters.”

Laughing, Carissa rolled her eyes. Tiffany always could make Carissa laugh and lift her mood, even in the worst situations.

“And because I know you’re dying to hear my advice, I’m going to give it to you.” Tiffany sat up straight and grinned. “I think you should take this time to have some fun. You went from dating Garrett in high school to then dating Danny your entire first year of college. You’ve had no time to just be you and have fun. So, seize this opportunity.” Tiffany stood. “I’m single. You’re single. We’re pledging our dream sorority. Let’s enjoy this.”

A smile broke out on Carissa’s face. Tiffany’s pep talk lifted Carissa’s mood even more, and Tiffany’s enthusiasm was contagious. After everything that happened this past weekend, Carissa hadn’t thought much about Theta Omega Pi, but once again, Tiffany was right. Carissa wanted to savor the pledging experience. She wanted to participate in every second of every silly tradition and ritual and prank—without fear of her boyfriend getting angry or jealous.

“You’re absolutely right,” Carissa said.

“Of course I am.” Tiffany gave her an incredulous look, like she couldn’t believe Carissa had any doubts. “Now, tell me every detail about Bradley.”