Chapter 69 More than this
Lila POV
The second I heard him lock the bedroom door, I knew I had acted foolishly again. I pushed him and provoked him by asking the question I knew he wasn’t ready to answer. But I was getting restless, confusion was taking its toll on my mind, my sanity and my well-being.
Ever since we got here, I had no desire to leave the room. I had no desire to face reality, but now I rather stay here between these four walls and live inside the world Nico and I had created for ourselves. Our world felt safer. I felt stronger and I liked it.
On the inside of our world, nothing else mattered not even feath, money, lies, deceit or sadness…nothing mattered but us and this weirdly twisted bond we seemed to share. I didn’t want to step out of this bubble we were in only to face a reality I wasn’t sure I would be strong enough to survive in.
I had convinced myself I was still his prisoner, and I preferred it that way. I preferred to live in our world, rather than live in mine…or his.
In the world the Moretti lived in, they did not care for any rules but their own. Loyalty was everything, yet a life held no value. I realized that the day I watched my father die…the day I saw Nico hold the gun that killed his mother.
All the chaos and uncertainty that surrounded me while living in the midst of a world I knew nothing about, I felt safer right here in this room, protected against the unknown.
But it seemed different now, after the game we played.
The second Nico told me to run earlier, I experienced a tiny fragment of freedom I had been denied for weeks, and it made me realize I could no longer live like a prisoner. I needed space. I needed air. I needed to feel alive outside the bedroom Nico and I shared. I wanted to be more than just the person he fucked in order to give his demons what they craved. And during those brief moments of freedom, I hoped Nico felt the same. That he, too, wanted and needed us to be more than just players in the dark. More than just two people who depended on each other to satiate and tame the warped desires that stemmed from the darkest parts of our souls.
But I was wrong, so very wrong. To him I was nothing more than a possession, something he owned. I was a pet, a slave. I was whatever the fuck he wanted me to be, nothing more. The sound of the door locking was proof of that.
I flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. At least this prison room was prettier and much bigger than the first one I had. And there was a bathroom. And a great view. And Nico shared it with me.
Goddammit!
Why did it feel like everything changed…yet it hadn’t? Nico killed his own cousin to keep me from being raped. He killed his own mother, betrayed his family, to save me. This was just another example of how impossible it was to know what he was thinking, to know what he was feeling. Nico was an enigma, a puzzle from which the pieces only created more questions. A mystery unsolvable among a thousand riddles. Whenever I was alone, I didn’t feel strong enough for him. Yet when we were together like we were earlier, I felt like we were two pieces of a force so powerful it could destroy us both.
I gently touched the skin around my neck, feeling the burn Nico belt had left behind. My body ached, and my mind was a minefield of questions and confusion. Yet I had never felt more satisfied. As little as I could see inside Nico mind, he somehow managed to see everything in mine. He knew what I wanted, what I needed. He knew my body like it was a sculpture he had shaped and formed…as if he were god over my soul. He became the dictator, and I was merely the slave who obeyed his every command.
But the ultimate question that confused me more than any other why, after his family killed my father, after everything he had put me through, did I not hate him? How could I look at him, the man that starved me, had me beaten and humiliated, and still desire him more than anything else?
I closed my eyes and tried my best to focus on the pain that lingered throughout my body. It was the only way to stop the memories from storming back into my mind.
Damon belt.
Rex vile breath while he spewed threatening promises of how he would violate my body.
Nico mother’s eyes as she stared at me with so much hate I could feel it inside my bones.
And then seeing my dad bleed, witnessing the last breath escaping his body. It was tiny pieces of hell I relived over and over inside my mind. I tried my best not to think of it. But then again, thinking of Nico wasn’t helping either. All it did was confuse me more, making my mind spin out of control.
He locked the fucking door, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it didn’t bother me…it did. This all started with me as his prisoner. Would it ultimately end with me at his feet as his slave?
Along with the satiated ache between my legs and the burn on my skin, I could feel the darkness trying to claw me in. Confusion, grief, heartache, angst it all churned deep inside me, simmering, boiling, threatening to erupt. Unless…unless I found a way to let it all out.
Pain.
Pain had always been my cure. It purged me from things I wasn’t strong enough to deal with. It had been a part of me for so long. It calmed me, soothed me, and kept me in control.
I got up from the bed and glanced at the door, thinking of the lock, and the key Nico walked around with, probably in his jacket pocket. The more I thought about it, the more memories started to flood through my mind.
The sound of gunshots the screams, the blood then death and pain.