Chapter Seventeen—Katie

Shit, shit and shit.

We came back at seven, and Pete said he had to get some rest since he had a potential contract job. Being back here was completely different to being in the hotel. I had to get the twins fed, changed, and ready for their morning walk.

After having a shower and getting changed, I was ready to go when I saw Pete standing by the elevator.

“I thought you were sleeping?”

He yawned. “I was. The nanny kept me up all night.”

I giggled and blushed, thinking I was worried about us getting back to the penthouse and things going back to the way things were, but this was the opposite. Not only does he seem to want to spend time with me, but he was just as keen as when we were back in the hotel.

I wrapped my arms around him and he didn’t move away. His strong musk scent tingled my nose as I closed my eyes for a brief second.

“Maybe we should go lie down for a while. Sound good?”

I nodded, then shook my head. “No, I need to go check on the twins. I’m acting as if I’m on vacation.”

He smiled. “You are. Spoke to Rick,” he jerked my hand as we walked in the direction of his room, “he said that he’s at the club. The twins are with Aunt Elizabeth, so you have the weekend for yourself. Come Monday morning, it’s back to work. We are going to relax and I’m going to take care of you.”

I stopped in my tracks. No one had ever wanted to take care of me, like ever. I felt as if this was all too good to be true. “Take care of me?”

“Yeah.” He yanked my arm so we could keep moving. “You just seem as if you have trust issues, as if you have never fully relaxed—even when we were together and I was assuring you that it’d all be alright.”

“I’m not that bad,” I said, a little defensive as we arrived in his room, and I crossed my arms.

“I didn’t mean to push a button. Just that between what happened with Ben, it’s almost as if there was nothing in your life apart from him. You have a BFF and you don’t even seem interested in connecting with her. You said you sent her a text, but all this time, you haven’t seen her in a gig? I understand that you were working so much now, but Rick would give you time off. Even the time he did give, you wanted to come back to work. Thinking you had been away too long.”

I said nothing, waiting for him to get it all off his chest.

“Even when I asked you about your family, you completely clammed up, then jumped back in about Ben.”

“You asked about my ex?”

He shook his head. “No. I asked about you. What you’re interested in? What you liked to do? I want to know everything about you, but it’s like…”

“There’s nothing to know, right? Well, you know now, I don’t feel like sleeping or resting? Think I’ll go and get a book and something and read in my room.”

I ignored his pleading for me to turn around and for us to discuss it. I hated to admit the idea of what he said was true. I knew whenever he did ask me about what I did in my free time or something, Ben did come up in conversation.

Was Ben really my shell?

Now that he was out of the picture, there was nothing to me. I’d become one of those women I’d hated for so long. I’d seen other girls do it back in high school, but it never dawned on me that I was no better than them. I was trying so hard to hold back the tears and to not think about the words Pete had said, the truth, the one that was hurting so much.

I took out my phone from my pocket and started to go through my pictures. All I could find were the few that were taken when we first arrived in L.A.—houses of the rich and famous tour, the Sunset Strip, Venice Beach, landmark museums, world-famous theme parks. We did all those things in our first month, before I started working, and that was over three years ago. Since then, I’d not taken any photos with him. I saw family photos, but only with him. I would be in a couple of selfies, but everything had been about Ben. How had I been so blind?

I remember Mom warning me, telling me not to follow him to L.A.. Dad died when I was young, and Mom was a teacher, so I was home most of the time alone. The only reason I fell into Ben’s arms was because he paid attention to me. He seemed to want me. The little friends I had disappeared as time went by, and I ended up only hanging out with him or his friends.

It was staring at me in color as I trolled through years of photos. I slumped down on the door, feeling defeated and weak. I’d never realized until Pete pointed it out. He was only helping, but then maybe he could have been sensitive to the whole thing. Then again, maybe he never knew.

Fuck!

I just came across as one fucked-up, stuck-up chick telling him he was out of order. I sobbed as I started to delete the photos. This had to be a new beginning, a better one—one which truly didn’t include Ben, and only involved me.

***

I sighed as the sun settled. I was hungry, but the whole idea of leaving my room and bumping into Pete was too much to bear. I was so embarrassed by my outburst and the way he told me the truth, and I let pride stand in my way. I’d managed to not only upset one brother but two in the first month of me staying here. Great going.

I toyed with the keyboard until I did what I wanted to do. Then I remembered having a couple of candy bars in the side closet. I went to grab them, and stuffed them into my mouth as I drummed up the courage to call Mom.

I should have called her weeks ago. I’d done it once in a while since I’d been here, but every time we talked, she asked if I was happy, if I’d made the right move. I’d usually change the conversation and hang up the phone. This was the real reason I needed to find courage to speak to her. I needed to not only hear her voice, but to tell her something I should have done a long time ago.

I dialed her number, then stood and paced before I sat back on the bed.

“Katie, is that you?” I heard her screech as I moved the phone away from my ear and put it on speaker.

“Yes. It’s me. This is my number.”

I really need to stop being so defensive.

“I know. It’s just I tried it a couple of times and it went to voicemail, so I thought maybe you changed your number. And besides, Will said to me, no one in L.A. listens to their voicemail, they all Insta or something like that…” She laughed, and I could picture her playing with her hair. Mom sounded as nervous as I was.

“No. I haven’t changed. Still same number. Must have been busy.”

“Hanging out with all your friends, I’m sure. Is it always a party there?”

She had this vision, one I’d created when I first came here. We went out to parties, ones we weren’t invited to, until they found out and threw us out. The fun times. The idea of being here and not thinking this was all a big mistake never entered my mind. How things change in such a short span of time.

“Katherine? You still there?”

It felt weird hearing her call my full name. Ben had told me that it made me sound like an old-maid, which was why I started telling everyone my name was Katie. Even when I did give them my ID. I told them I preferred being called that name.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“I haven’t heard from you for nine months. I just didn't want it to be another eight before I heard from you again.”

Had it really been that long?

“I’m here.”

I felt guilty, as if the candy I’d been eating was about to come up my throat again. I hadn’t called her in nearly a year, and when I did call, she was nervous about me not calling her again.

“I was just coming in myself. I’d been on a date.”

I choked, happy for the change in direction. “Date. You? No way, who with?”

She chuckled. “I do have some life left in me. Do you remember Ken, the guy who fixes the car all the time?”

“The one who always fixes the car for free, cause he has a thing for you? Of course, I remember him. How’s he doing? And his daughter too, Sarah. How’s she doing?”

“Oh, fantastic. She’s applying to med school. She’s loving college life and comes home regularly. She always asks about you.”

Again, the conversation changed. Sarah, the one who Ben constanlty picked on at school. The one who begged Mom to talk to Ben, to see if the bullying would stop. Our town wasn’t small, but it was big enough for bullies like Ben to be seen as the popular guy who could do whatever they wanted and people like Sarah, the intelligent ones, to be classed as boring.

“That’s nice.” I sighed as a chill crept down my spine at the idea of Sarah asking about me. Probably hoping Ben had dumped my ass and given me a little taste of my own medicine.

“I want to hear about your date.” I smiled as I rolled my head back on the pillow and listened to her talk about Ken. It was weird, her talking about him like that, then again, talking about any man. I tried to remember as she said, after all these years he just came out and asked her out. Something Ben said he should have done a long time ago.

Men like that are cowards. They deserve to be single.

I agreed when Ben called him that, knowing full well the reason why Ken had struggled to ask Mom out. He was a widower, like Mom, and he had raised Sarah by himself. Something admirable, but Ben took it as a sign of weakness.

The man who stole from women.

Broke my heart.

Ben left me peniless and used me, and he shouldn’t have a say about how he feels about anyone; he didn’t even deserve any love, let alone mine.

“Sorry, I’m boring you Katherine. So, tell me about things. How’s things with Ben? Is he in a new movie yet?”

A tear escaped my eye as I remembered the lie I’d told her the last time I did speak to her.

“I told you we were at a celebration party. Now, I remember… because Ben had finally got his big break.”

I started to sob quietly.

“Yeah, you said some big shot director saw him by chance. I can’t remember the full story, but then, it was the break he needed and you could quit waitressing, and it was all about signing the contract and getting the right deal. I thought I hadn’t heard from you because you were out with the big shots. Who would remember someone like me?” She sighed, probably feeling sorry for having such a quiet life.

“Mom, why would you say that about yourself?”

She chuckled. “I’m just a medium-sized town math teacher. No one gets excited about us. Not even me on a good day.”

“It was a lie.” I didn’t hold back. “Everything I told you about our lives here was a lie.”

The words were rolling out uncontrollably as soon as I started, and I couldn’t stop. I told her about my life. I didn’t feel ashamed about it, and for some crazy reason, saying it out loud confirmed what I’d already knew. I had to move on and let it all out, otherwise I would feel nothing but regret about pretending to be someone I used to be a long time ago.

Confident.

Full of life.

Kind.

Considerate.

Since I’d been with Ben, there was only one word which would sum me up in a nutshell and that was selfish.

“I’ll book my flight. I’ll come and get you!” I could imagine her fluttering around, trying to figure out what to pack, how to tell the school she needed time off, and how to arrange everything. As much as I wanted to see her, I knew I couldn’t.

“Mom, I’m fine. I told you, I’m working as a nanny and besides, it’s where I need to be right now.”

She cried, “No one judges you for the past. No one thinks of anything that happened back then as you. They know it’s all him.”

I stuttered, “That’s sweet, Mom, but you must let me take some of the responsibility. I am an adult. I did know what I was doing. Ben didn’t hold a gun to my head or anything.”

“No! Just his hands around your neck!”

The memory which flashed through my mind made me drop the phone on the bed. I remembered the one time Mom begged me to leave Ben. She said things were getting out-of-hand, and instead of listening to her, I ran off with the man. He never squeezed tight enough to physically harm me, but the intention was there. I saw it in his eyes as he moved away from me. In his stare as he cut his eyes at me, and at Mom, as if she’d disturbed something I completely deserved. I told her we never got rough physically—another lie. All I ever did was lie about my relationship with Ben.

“Yes, he did. I know, but I need time. Time to remember who I used to be, what I want to be, and to adjust to that in the future. I’ll talk to Rick, my boss, and see if I can have you visit. He’s really nice and I’m sure he’ll be up for that. What do you think? Maybe the holidays? You could come here for Thanksgiving, what do you say?”

“I mean, I could. You wouldn’t need to ask your boss. I could rent a room, and we could spend the holidays together like we used to do when your dad was around.”

It was two months and counting, and the idea put a smile on my face. I was ready to face the world, including Pete and Rick. I wanted to catch up some more with Mom and figure out where she could stay. Having Mom around and being with someone who truly loved me excited me. She giggled as she told me about her next date with Ken. I didn’t know what made me feel better, having everything out in the open or hearing that for the first time in a long time, my mom was truly happy.