Chapter 98 : I Messed Up
HAYDEN’S POV:
I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like this. The way my chest is still heaving, the way my hands are shaking where as they are gripping his shirt like if I let go, he might disappear again. Stephen is still right there. He was close and somehow not close enough.
His forehead rests against mine, both of us breathing like we just ran miles instead of standing in the middle of his room, surrounded by half-packed bags and everything we almost lost.
“You’re serious,” he says quietly.
It wasn't really a question, but I nodded anyway. “Yeah.” My voice comes out rough, like I haven’t used it in days.
His eyes searched for mine again, like he was still waiting for the moment I pulled back, I laughed it off, or shut down, or pushed him away like I always do, but I didn’t.
“I’m not running away this time,” I add, softer now. “I’m done doing that.”
Something in his expression shifts. It’s small, but I see it. The tension in his shoulders eases just a little, like he wants to believe me… but he is still bracing for impact.
“I meant what I said,” I continued, my grip tightening slightly on his shirt. “I don’t want you to go, not like this. Not… away from me.”
His jaw tightens. “Hayden…”
“Stay.” The word comes out before I can stop it. It hangs there between us, heavy and raw. “Stay,” I repeat, quieter this time, but more desperate. “Please.”
That does it. I see it hit him, really hit him. His composure cracks just slightly, like he wasn’t expecting me to be the one asking.
“You don’t get to just….” he starts, but his voice falters.
“I know,” I cut in quickly. “I know I don’t deserve to ask that after everything I said and did but I’m asking anyway.”
I swallow hard, forcing myself not to look away. “Because I need you here.”
There was a silence that followed. It was thick, heavy, and almost unbearable.
“I messed up,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper now. “I was scared and I handled it like an idiot, and I hurt you. I know that. But… don’t leave because of that. Don’t walk away thinking you don’t matter to me.”
His eyes flickered, something raw surfacing there.
“You matter too much,” I say, my voice cracking slightly. “That’s the problem.”
For a second, neither of us moves. Then he exhales slowly, like he’s been holding his breath this entire time.
“You’re asking me to give up something very imp…,” he says quietly.
“I’m asking you to stay,” I replied. “With me.”
His gaze sharpens. “That’s not a little thing, Hayden.”
“I know.”
“Westbridge isn’t just some random opportunity,” he presses. “It’s everything I’ve been working toward.”
Guilt twists in my chest, sharp and immediate. “I’m not saying it doesn’t matter,” I say quickly. “I’m not saying you should throw your future away.”
“Then what are you saying?”
I hesitated because the truth is messy. “I’m saying… don’t make this decision thinking there is nothing here for you,” I admit. “Don’t leave because you think I don’t want you. Because I do.” That lands. I see it in the way his expression shifts again, something softer breaking through. “And if you still decide to go,” I add, even though it hurts to say it, “at least it won’t be because of me pushing you away.”
His eyes hold mine for a long moment. Then, slowly, his hand comes up, resting lightly against the back of my neck. The touch is gentle, but it sends something sharp through my chest.
“You’re making this really hard,” he mutters.
A weak huff of laughter escapes me. “Yeah… I’ve been told I do that.”
He shakes his head slightly, but there’s no real irritation behind it. Just… conflict.
“Say it again,” he says after a second.
“What?” I looked at him with a grin on my lips.
“What you said before.”
My heart stutters. “Which part?”
His gaze doesn’t waver. “The part where you admitted it.”
I swallowed. This shouldn’t feel this hard but it does.
“I….” My voice catches, and I force myself to start again. “I care about you.”
His expression doesn’t change.
“More than I should,” I added quietly. “More than I know how to deal with.”
He didn’t react so I pushed further. “I don’t want anyone else,” I admit. “I tried that. It didn’t work. It was just… empty.”
That’s when something finally breaks through his walls. “You’re serious,” he says again, softer this time.
“I am.”
He paused. Then he spoke. “Okay.”
I blink. “Okay?”
He exhales, running a hand through his hair like he’s just made the hardest decision of his life. “Okay,” he repeats. “I’ll stay.”
For a second, I couldn’t process it. Then it hits me all at once. “You will?”
He nods, though there’s still hesitation in his eyes. “Yeah.”
Relief crashes into me so hard it almost knocks the air out of my lungs. “Stephen….”
“But,” he cuts in quickly, his gaze sharpening again. “This doesn’t mean you get to shut down again. It doesn’t mean you get to pretend this didn’t happen if it gets too real.”
“I won’t,” I say immediately.
“You better not,” he mutters.
“I won’t,” I repeat, more firmly this time.
He studies me for another second.
Then, finally… he nods. “Then I’m staying.”
Something in my chest loosens completely. Before I can think about it, I pull him closer again, my forehead pressing against his, my grip tight and unrelenting.
“Thank you,” I murmur, the words slipping out without thought.
He huffs softly. “You’re really lucky I….”
I don’t let him finish. I kissed him again. This time slower, less desperate, but deeper somehow. Like I’m trying to memorize it and make up for every moment I wasted pretending this didn’t matter.
His hands find me just as quickly, steady and sure, like he’s done fighting it too.
Everything else fades. The room, the bag, the noise in my head.
It was just him and for the first time in a long time… I don’t pull away.