Chapter 97 : A Shaky Laugh
HAYDEN’S POV:
By the time I got to his bedroom, my chest felt like it was caving in on itself.
I didn’t knock. I shoved the door open.
Stephen was there, sitting on the edge of his bed with a half-zipped duffel bag at his feet, clothes folded too neatly beside him like he was trying to make this clean. He looked up at the sound of the door, surprise flashing across his face before it disappeared just as quickly.
“You should knock,” he said evenly. The calm in his voice hit something raw in me.
“You’re leaving,” I shot back, ignoring that entirely.
His jaw tightened slightly. “Yeah.”
That was it. There was no explanation or hesitation. Just… yeah.
Something in me snapped. “That’s it?” I demanded, stepping further into the room. “You’re just going to pack your stuff and leave like it’s nothing?”
Stephen let out a quiet breath, standing up slowly. “What do you want me to do, Hayden?”
“I don’t know….maybe not run away?” The words came out sharper than I intended, but I didn’t take them back. I couldn’t.
His expression hardened instantly. “Run away?”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice rising despite myself.
“omThat’s exactly what this looks like.”
A bitter laugh escaped him, short and disbelieving. “Wow. That’s funny coming from you.”
I clenched my fists. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means,” he said, stepping closer, his voice still controlled but tighter now, “you don’t get to stand here and act like I’m the one running.”
My jaw tightened. “You’re leaving, Stephen.”
“And you shoved me away many times like I didn’t matter,” he shot back.
The words landed hard, but I pushed through them. “That’s not….”
“Isn’t it?” he cut in, his voice finally cracking just slightly. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you made it pretty clear what you wanted.”
“I didn’t say I wanted you to leave!”
“You didn’t have to,” he snapped. “You made it obvious.”
Silence hit the room, heavy and suffocating.
I shook my head, frustration boiling over. “This is so messed up. You’re just… quitting on everything.”
His eyes flashed. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Call me selfish like you’re not the one who….” He stopped himself, exhaling sharply and dragging a hand through his hair. “I got an opportunity, Hayden. A real one. I’m not going to turn that down.”
“Because it’s easier, right?” I said before I could stop myself.
That made him freeze. “Easier?” he repeated quietly.
“Yeah,” I said, even though something in my chest was already twisting. “You don’t have to deal with anything here if you just leave.”
For a second, he just stared at me.
Then he let out a hollow laugh. “You really don’t get it, do you?”
“Then explain it to me!” I snapped.
His expression shifted then, something deeper breaking through the surface. “I did try,” he said, his voice quieter now. “In that kitchen, multiple times before that. I tried, Hayden.”
My throat tightened.
“Yeah,” he continued, shaking his head slightly. “I think I made myself pretty clear. And you….” His voice caught for half a second before he forced it steady again. “You pushed me away like I was nothing.”
Guilt hit me hard this time, sharp and undeniable.
“That’s not what….”
“Then what was it?” he demanded, stepping closer again. “Because I’m still trying to figure that out.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out because I didn’t have an excuse. Not a real one. The silence stretched too long.
Stephen let out a slow breath, like he was done. “Exactly.” He turned away from me, bending down to zip his bag the rest of the way.
Something in my chest cracked. “Stop,” I said.
He didn’t.
“Stephen, stop.”
“I’m busy, Hayden.”
“No, you’re not,” I said, my voice breaking despite myself. “You’re leaving.”
He stilled. Just for a second.
Then he straightened slowly, his back still to me. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I am.”
That was it. That was the moment everything hit me all at once.
The fear, the regret, and the realization that if he walked out that door… this was it. There was no fixing it or second chances.
“Don’t go.” The words came out rough, unsteady.
Stephen froze completely this time. “You don’t mean that,” he said after a second, not turning around.
“I do.”
He shook his head slightly. “No. You don’t.”
“I do,” I repeated, louder now, desperate.
He turned then, finally facing me again. There was something guarded in his expression, something that made my chest ache.
“Hayden,” he said carefully, “you can’t just say that now and expect it to mean something.”
“I’m not just saying it,” I shot back.
“Then why now?” he demanded. “Why not two days ago? Why not when it actually mattered?”
“Because I was scared!” The words tore out of me before I could stop them.
Stephen’s expression shifted slightly, caught off guard.
I ran a hand through my hair, pacing once before stopping in front of him again. My heart was pounding too fast, my thoughts spilling over each other.
“I didn’t know what to do, okay?” I said, my voice unsteady. “I didn’t…. I’ve never.,,,,” I exhaled sharply, frustrated. “This isn’t something I know how to handle.”
His eyes stayed on mine, searching.
“I was scared,” I repeated, quieter now. “Of… this. Of you. Of what it means.”
Stephen didn’t say anything.
“I was scared of what people would think,” I admitted, the words bitter in my mouth. “Of what it says about me. About… us.”
The air between us felt too thin.
“And yeah,” I added, my voice cracking slightly, “I was scared of how I feel about you.”
That one hung there.
Stephen’s expression faltered, just for a second.
“I thought if I just… ignored it, it would go away,” I said. “If I pushed you away, if I acted like it didn’t matter….then maybe it wouldn’t.” I let out a shaky breath. “But it didn’t go away.”
He swallowed, his gaze flickering slightly.
“It got worse,” I admitted. “Every second you weren’t there, every time I thought about you leaving… it just….” I shook my head, unable to finish. Silence stretched again, but it felt different now. “I don’t want you to go,” I said finally, my voice low but firm. “Not like this. Not without fixing this.”
Stephen studied me, his expression still guarded. “How do I know this isn’t just… guilt talking?”
“It’s not.”
“You pushed me away, Hayden,” he said quietly. “You said….”
“I know what I said,” I cut in. “And I was wrong.”
His jaw tightened slightly. “That doesn’t just…”
I closed the distance between us before I could overthink it and then I kissed him.
I wasn't hesitant or unsure. It was everything I had been holding back for the past two days, everything I hadn’t known how to say, everything I had been too scared to admit.
For a second, he didn’t move.
And then…..He kissed me back like he’d been holding it in too and he didn’t believe it, but he needed it anyway.
My hands found his shirt, gripping tight as if I let go, he’d disappear.
When we finally pulled back, both of us breathing harder than we should’ve been, his forehead rested briefly against mine.
“You’re an idiot,” he muttered, his voice rough.
A shaky laugh escaped me. “Yeah. I know.”
He pulled back just enough to look at me, his expression still uncertain, but softer now. “If this is a lie…”
“It’s not,” I said immediately.
He searched my face for a long moment.
Then, slowly….He gave in.