Chaos

Nicklaus

I couldn't comprehend what the doctor said, his words resounded in my head and I turn to look at Bianca and Rex only to see them looking surprised like me

"No…no…no…this can't be happening" I panicked, holding my head in confusion.

"How, when, why?" I ask nobody in frustration,

"Nick you have to calm down," Rex said holding my hand but I flung his hand away

"Nicklaus wait" Bianca made to call me but I turned to Rex

"Make sure Ashley finds a donor, I'm out of here," I said storming off

"Fuck man you are making a mistake" I heard Rex saying, but my mind has already gone far to come back as I have a lot of things going on…in my head right now

I walked out of the hospital, it was already dark but I cared less, I continue walking on the not-too-busy road

I could hear strikes of thunder as the cloud made noise indicating that rain was about to fall, wind began to blow, the weather became windy.

I watch as people start to run under stores and anything cover able for safety against the rain that's about to fall, but all I could do was walk in total despair,

I don't even need a shade at this moment, all I ever need is for this rain to wash my tears away, wash my pain away…. if only it could take away the pains in my chest…the agony…how did all this happen in just a day…

Minutes later, the rain started to fall, but all I ever needed at the moment was the rain…I need it so bad to soothe my burning heart, my heart is on fire, I feel like the pain is going to burn me to death

The pain is too much for me to handle, my chest tightens…I couldn't hold back my tears as I allow them to flow, the rain fell on me and wash my tears away, but why can't it wash away the aching pain in my heart

"Ahhhhhhhhhh……..!!" I screamed loudly in the middle of the road falling to my knees

I just want to die and give up, I have nothing to leave for…. my child is gone, and now I have just one month to live

"What do I tell Ashley when she wakes up?" I was supposed to be with her at this time, she's fucking there because of me, I feel like giving up

I kneel in the middle of the road crying in the rain, I watch as passersby look at me, but that's the last thing I cared for at a moment like this

I don't know for how long I knelt under the rain crying, but by the time I raise my head, It already stopped raining, I sighed and stood up to go when I saw one of my guards standing before my car, guess Rex told them to follow me

"Boss''

"Take me to my penthouse downtown"

"Yes boss" He made to open the door for me but I beat him to it, I entered and slammed the door along

I sighed and leaned back on the seat as he drove off.

He drive for some time before, we arrived at my penthouse, He parked the car and I came out, ignoring every greeting, I walked to one of my room, I entered the bathroom and took off my clothe, not bothering to take any shower,

I moved to the wine bar and poured myself a drink. I tried to fight my tears but they just kept coming. I Can't help but recall our first night at the strip club. Everything about my Kitten is so adorable. How do I leave her behind?

"Why does this have to happen now?"

Everything is finally falling into place. Why now?

I don't know how many bottles of alcohol that I've taken but all I know is that I kept on gulping bottle after bottle hoping that by the time I woke up all of this had practically been a dream

I'm a mess right now, a ghost of myself

"Krrrrrrrr…..!!" I could hear the sound of my cell phone ringing, I look at the screen in my drunken state to see it's Rex calling

I sighed pushing the phone far away from me, I was totally drunk at the moment,

"Kitten……where…are…you" I slurred and staggered up, but the whole place was going in circle, I staggered up again and made to find my way with my hands but all I could feel is air

"Where is the fucking bed?" I groaned in my drunken state, and stumbled upon the bottles laying on the floor, I fell hitting my head on the bed stand, but I felt no pain

I staggered and was able to locate the bed with my hand, I managed to stand a little and land on the bed, spreading out my whole body, and I fell asleep.

The next day, I woke up to the blaring sound of my cell phone,  I look at the screen, and this time it's Bianca

I sighed and dropped the phone, I have nothing to say to anybody, my heart is literally broken into pieces I can't even think at the moment

I stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom. I brush my teeth, and wash my face. Looking at myself in the mirror, I look like a mess but what messier than the mess I'm in right now...

I came out of the bathroom and picked up my phone, I called both Rex and Bianca to find out how Ashley is doing and thank goodness she's fine, I warmed them never to tell Ashley about my situation, I wouldn't want her to know I'm going to die, it's better she hates me than thinking that way

I've decided not to see her till I know what I will do about this whole thing, I'm slowly losing my mind

"Sir breakfast is ready" A maid came into my room alerting me

"Sir……"

"Get out….." I whispered calmly

"But…… "

"Get out…..!!" I screamed slamming the flower vase on the wall and watched her running off in a flash

I walk towards the wine bar and furiously pulled out a cocktail, I opened it and gulped down a good amount directly from the glass

I was feeling tipsy after finishing the second bottle, but I don't feel like stopping, I just started, I laugh at my thought and continue drinking, trying to forget all my worries but just like a fucking knife, it's so stuck in my heart

I feel so terrible not being with my kitten right now, for fuck sake she needs me…I fucking miss her like her…. but she needs to start learning how to leave without me, that for her own good

I'm already a working corpse, all my plans are gone

"I'm so screwed" I cried in pain, holding onto my chest tight.

It's been a week since, I've been in my penthouse, mourning and grieving both my condition and wondering how to face my Kitten

But in all those days, I know it's crazy but I couldn't think of anything as the only thing I could think of is to let go

I don't want to give my kitten false hope, I don't want her to die if high blood pressure when I'm gone,

I want her to be happy and leave her normal life, I know it's crazy but I don't want her to forget me

To me the little times and moments we've spent together have been the best times of my life, she was the first woman to bring true happiness in my life, she loved me for who I am and not for what I am. She cherished me even when I'm the worst

She loves me regardless of my flaws, if that isn't true love then I don't know what it is…

A week later

It's been a week reminding me I just gave three weeks left, slowly with each day that passes by I draw near and closer to my grave and today I made up my mind

I made up my mind about what I'm going to do, to me it's better She hates me than she watches me die…I can imagine the kind of pain she's going to be in

I know if she hates me, probably one day she's going to move on, and I'm going to cheer for her from the other side.

So today, I made up my mind, I'm going to the hospital, to do what's needed, I know it's crazy but I have no other choice, this is the only thing I could think off

I walk into the bathroom and take my bath, I came out and dress up casually, I took the white sheet of paper and slide it into my pocket before walking out,

My driver saw me and rush towards the car, he opened the car door for me and I entered while he entered too

"Destination sir?"

"Hospital" I muttered checking my wristwatch while tapping away on my cell phone.

He drove out of the penthouse, straight to the hospital, I tried my best to put on a cold face for what I'm about to do, even though I'm in pains

"We drove into the husband, and he rushed and opened the car door for me, I stepped out gloriously hiding my pain deep in my soul

I walk into her ward to see Rex, Bianca, and Nelly surrounding her as they chat happily, seeing her smile alone brought happiness to my soul making my heartbeat triple like a tornado

''Babyyyyy……!" Her scream brought me back to reality, my face stiffen as she opened her arms in embrace waiting for me to rush to her,

I badly wanted to feel her warmth and shower kisses on the whole of her face, but remembering the reason why I'm here, I maintained my posture and kept a straight face

"What's happening?" She pouted and brought down her hands, on seeing my frowning face

I look at Rex to see him looking at me in a warning manner, I turn to Bianca and she has the same expression... I don't need to look at Nelly that lady is a tiger, I chuckled inwardly remembering our last encounter

"I never loved you" I started

"Nick, what are you doing?" Rex asked and made to come forward but I stopped him with a raise of my hand

"I used you for fun and now that I'm done with you"

"Baby what are you saying?" She asked in fear, and jumped down from the bed, disconnecting all the injection that was connected to her hand, I so much want to scream at her for doing that but I know that will be spoiling my plans

"Nicklaus Baldwin????!" Bianca called in a warning manner, but my mind is already made up

"I was with you because of our child and now that he's no more, there's nothing left," I said looking away, her tears might make me change my mind,

"Baby look at me" She made to touch me, but I flung her hand away making her to stagger back, I nearly made to rush to get but Rex was fast enough to catch her, making me exhale in relief, I saw Rex glaring daggers at me

"I never loved you, I can't be with a slut"

"We've talked about this already please babe"

"I don't want you, Ashley, you have to understand that"

"I love you, Nicklaus!! I love you even when I didn't know your real face, I love you because you cherished me and made me feel things I never felt before, I let you break down my wall, I cared for you I was willing to carry your child not minding your identity…I was ready to start my life with you, ….. I nearly gave up my life for you and this is how you want to throw away everything we have shared?"

"I never asked you to do all that!" I replied and watched the woman I love broke into pieces, I watch her hold onto her chest in pains

"When you kiss me I feel like nothing will hurt me, Nicklaus when you hold me I feel like I'm the luckiest woman on this planet earth, and when you adore me I feel like I'm the most important person in your whole world, how could you have the nerve to hurt….. me this way?" Her voice finally cracked as tears dropped

I tucked my hands into my pocket, knowing I'm about to break her completely, building up the self-confidence to say that even when I know I mean nothing, not even a single word…I muttered

"It's simple, you are just a distraction, I never love you"

I watch her held onto the hospital bed for support as Bianca and Nelly went to hold her

"I already cancel the contract, Ashley Brooklyn you can leave to your house from here, I don't want to see you near my mansion ever again I'm divorcing you"

I turned around and walked out with her screaming

"Nicklaus came back……..!!!"