Chapter 80 Clement and I are getting a divorce
Ryan
She wouldn’t see me. Well, the nurse said it. She was too worn out, no visitors yet, only her mom. So Cole and I ended up back in those awful waiting room chairs.
It was killing me. After all this, she’s finally awake and I can’t even be there. It felt like a punch in the gut, but I get it. She needs time. I just had to wait. But I really wanted to tell her. What would she even say?
Sitting there with Cole was fucking impossible. I couldn’t leave the hospital, though, so I headed for the roof.
It was peaceful up there. You could see the whole city spread out, clear as anything. No stars, just a million little lights from buildings and streets. It wasn’t the ocean, but it was something.
Wait, was I actually trying to like this place?
What if I stayed? Let’s think this through. First: no ocean. No surfing. Second: it costs a fortune to live here. I’d need a proper job. Third: I don’t know a soul.
Except Saraphina.
Saraphina.
And just like that, my list didn’t mean a damn thing. If I had everything except her, it would all be nothing.
I could see it so clearly. Coming back after work, opening the door, and she’d be there. Curled up on the sofa with a book. She’d look up and her whole face would light up just for me.
“Welcome home,” she’d say, with that smile just for me.
I’d go to her and kiss her. She’d taste like chocolate. I’d breathe her in, that smell that was just her.
“That’s right. You are my home,” I’d tell her.
God.
I had to stop. Thinking like that just made everything worse. I’d found the one person I couldn’t lose, and nothing else mattered. It was time to choose.
I took out my phone and called my dad. He answered after a few rings.
“Dad, I need a favor,” I said, the words coming out fast.
I didn’t wait. I turned and walked back inside, straight past Cole in the waiting room. He looked confused, probably wondering where I was going. I just gave him a grin.
I knew exactly what I was doing.
Saraphina
I fell asleep again after asking for my mom. When I woke up, she was dozing in the chair beside my bed. I was starving, but I didn’t want to wake her. She looked exhausted.
Then I noticed a big brown bag on the table. It hadn’t been there before. I reached for it and looked inside. A milkshake. McDonald’s fries. A slice of pizza from Joe’s. A little tub of Ben & Jerry’s.
A note was stuck to the milkshake cup. It said: “Dear K, eat me.”
Oh, that idiot.
I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help smiling. Only one person in the world would write something so gross and perfect.
“Hey, you’re up,” my mom said, her voice rough. “You need anything? Should I call the doctor?”
“I’m okay,” I said, already eating the fries. “Don’t worry.”
“Where did that come from? I’m not sure you should be eating that right now.”
“Come on, Mom. I almost died. Let me have this,” I joked. She didn’t laugh.
Her smile faded.
I realized I was in this ugly hospital gown. The sleeves were too short. She could see the marks on my arms. Her eyes moved to the bandage on my wrist. I tried to pull the gown down, but it was too late. She let out a long breath.
“I didn’t know you had a tattoo,” she said quietly.
Oh, no. Of course she saw it. She probably saw everything.
“Mom, please don’t panic. I know it looks really bad, but I’m done with all that. The wrist… that was an accident,” I said quickly.
“Cole told me everything,” she said, and I could see she was trying not to cry. “I wish you had told me… that you loved Ryan.”
I looked away.
“I think I saw Ryan here last night,” I whispered. “What happened?”
“While you were in surgery, they found him. Way out in the ocean off Mexico. Clement went and got him, and they came straight here.”
“Oh. Good.” A quiet relief settled in my chest.
He was safe. And he was here.
“Honey, I’m so sorry,” Mom said, her voice breaking. “I keep thinking… is this my fault?”
“What? No, Mom. Why?”
“You two loved each other. I made you end it,” she said, the words sounding heavy. “I thought it was just a summer thing. You were so young. I didn’t take it seriously.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I said, meaning it. “Ryan and I… we weren’t right for each other. I just… my heart hasn’t caught up to my brain yet.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She pulled me into a hug.
“Love is terrible, Mom. It hurts so much. I don’t know how people stand it.”
“I’ve had my heart broken more times than I can count. And let me tell you, it never stops hurting. But that is never a reason to hurt yourself. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you. And I promise, I’m done with that,” I said.
She looked at me for a long moment, then nodded.
“If it hurts so much, why do people keep doing it?” I asked.
“Because some loves are worth the pain,” she said. Then she paused. “You know how many loves in my life have been worth all the hurt?”
“A hundred?” I tried to smile.
“One,” she said.
“A hundred and one?”
“Just one. It’s with my soulmate. And it’s you.”
“What?” I stared at her.
“I mean it. So many men have come and gone. But my one true love is you. You were always there with me through every heartbreak. You’re my rock.”
“Mom, that’s so sweet. But I can’t be the only one. There’s Clement.”
“Yeah… about that.” She took a deep breath. “Clement and I are getting a divorce.”
“What? Mom! Is this because of me and Ryan?”
“No, honey. It has nothing to do with you. I never told Clement about you two, just like you asked. He never knew.” She sighed. “Clement and I… we’ve had problems for a while. Since the miscarriage. That made us see things clearly. We were trying to build a family for all the wrong reasons. We decided a while ago. We were going to tell you on our last day here. We were waiting for the right time.”
“Mom, I’m so sorry. Really. Clement is a good man. He makes you happy. Are you sure?”
“Clement and I get along. But no matter how much we pretended it was real, we both knew it wasn’t. After a while, we couldn’t ignore it anymore. We both deserve something real.”
I wrapped my arms around her and held on tight. She hugged me back, stroking my hair, her chin resting on my head.
“You should have told me how you felt about Ryan. I would have listened.”