Chapter 76 I didn’t know what to feel. Does that make me a horrible person?
Ryan
Who would have thought fish tacos could pull a person back from the edge of death?
It’s a wild story. It goes like this.
Once, there was a man named Pedro Gonzalez. He ran a little taco stand on the beach. He made fish tacos so good they ruined every other taco for me. Every morning I’d go surfing at dawn, and by noon, I’d drag myself back to shore and head straight for Pedro’s. Two plates. Every single day. For a whole month.
Pedro didn’t talk much. His English was rough, and my Spanish was pretty much just “hello” and “thank you.”
But he knew me. Or, he knew my routine. I was his clockwork customer. He’d have those two plates ready and waiting on my table right at twelve.
Then, one day, the plates were waiting, but I never came.
Pedro got nervous. He asked around. People said there’d been a big wave, and all the surfers had headed home. But he never saw me walk past. So he called the coast guard. Eighteen hours later, they pulled me out of the water.
I had already said my goodbyes to this world. I was ready. But the universe decided it wasn’t my time.
All because of some fucking fish tacos.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Williams. How are you feeling?” The nurse came in for her usual check.
“Good, thank you,” I said.
Almost dying at sea puts things in perspective. Lying in a hospital bed with tubes in your arm isn’t so bad.
“Your family is here to see you. They just flew in from America,” she said after checking the machines.
My family. Did that mean…?
“Hey, son.” Dad walked in, grinning.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see anyone. My face hurt from smiling so big.
“Dad!” I held out my arms, weak as they were, and he came right over and hugged me. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”
“I think I do,” he said with a chuckle, but his voice was rough.
“I told you all that surfing would get you into trouble,” he joked, stepping back. “You planning to go back out there?”
“Absolutely. The second they let me out of here.”
“You’re crazy. You really are my kid,” he said, messing up my hair.
“So… you came by yourself? Is Loiusa back home?”
When the nurse said family, I was hoping… for more.
“Loiusa was supposed to come. But she had to stay in New York,” he explained.
“Oh. With… Saraphina?” I asked, careful.
I wondered if Saraphina even knew what happened. If she was worried. If she wanted to see me.
“Ry… something happened. Saraphina was in a car accident,” Dad said, stopping for a moment before going on. “After she heard about you, she was rushing to the airport to meet us… and then…”
“What? And then what?!” My voice broke.
“I’m sorry, Ry. It isn’t your fault.”
“Is she okay?” The words tumbled out. “I have to see her.”
“She’s in surgery. Loiusa’s with her. She’ll call when she knows more.”
“Fuck! Dad, I need to go! Now!” I started scrambling, trying to push my weak body out of the bed.
“Hold on, you can’t leave yet. They still need to run tests.” He put his hands on my shoulders, trying to calm me.
“I don’t care! I need to get to her! Take me to her!” I shouted.
“Ryan!”
“Dad, please!” I kept fighting, even though he was trying to hold me down.
“What’s gotten into you? Nurse! I need help in here!” he called out.
“Dad… I love her. Please, take me to her.” I begged.
His eyes went wide with surprise, but I didn’t care about anything else. I just needed to see her face.
Two orderlies rushed in and held me to the bed. The nurse came over and gave me something through the tube in my arm. I fought it, hard.
Until everything went dark.
The next time I opened my eyes, my dad was in the chair beside the bed.
“Ry? You awake, son?”
“Dad…”
“I talked to your doctor. They’ll let you go in the morning. But when we get to the hospital in New York, they’ll want to check you over again.”
“Fine, anything. I don’t mind. How is she? Any news?”
“Loiusa said the surgery went well,” Dad said, his voice calm. “Saraphina’s stable. They’re just waiting for her to wake up. She’s going to be alright.”
A breath left me, long and heavy. It felt like a mountain had been lifted off my chest. I have never felt relief like that.
“I’m sorry about before. I just… I couldn’t think.”
“It’s alright.”
“I’m glad Loiusa’s there. At least she isn’t alone.”
“Yeah. We were… we were visiting her in New York. For her graduation.”
“That’s good. How is she?”
“She’s doing great. Got a good job at a magazine. She, uh… she has a boyfriend.”
Boyfriend.
The doctors told me my insides were fine. But in that moment, I swear I felt my heart tear right open.
“And, son.” Dad’s voice was quiet. “I don’t know the right time to say this… but I have to tell you. Loiusa and I are getting a divorce.”
“What? Why?” My eyes flew open. “Dad, it’s not because of..”
“We’ve had problems for a while. Especially after… after the miscarriage. We just couldn’t find our way back to each other. We tried. We tried for a long time. But we both knew it wasn’t working. We knew we needed to tell you kids. We just never found the right moment.”
My head was spinning. I felt awful for my dad and for Loiusa. What happened was terrible. But this also meant that Saraphina and I… We…
“We were having lunch with Saraphina after graduation. We meant to tell her then, too. But we just couldn’t. We were so proud of her, seeing how well she was doing. We didn’t want to weigh her down. We didn’t want to weigh you down, either.” He let out a long breath. “Loiusa and I, we both wanted this family so much. But I think we wanted it for the wrong reasons. She wanted a family because she never had one. I wanted one because I was trying to rebuild what I had with your mom.”
“Dad, I’m so sorry,” I said. But honestly, I didn’t know what to feel.
Does that make me a horrible person?
I never saw this coming. Not in a million years. I really thought they were happy. And I want my dad to be happy. I really do.
“It’s okay. It’s no one’s fault. It just wasn’t meant to be.” He sighed again, deeper this time. “Times like this, I really miss your mother.”
“Me too.”
“I miss her every day.”
“Me too,” I said, and we shared a look, a quiet understanding.
For a long moment, we just sat there. It was a good silence, but it got to be too much for him. He cleared his throat and looked away.
“So… you love Saraphina, huh?”
“Oh, shit. I really said that out loud, didn’t I?”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Dad, it’s not exactly casual conversation.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe since the first day I saw her.”
“Well. Wow.” He sat back.
“Yeah.”
“Did you two ever… when we were all…” He shook his head. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“We tried to stop it. We stayed apart. But I can’t do it anymore, Dad.” My voice was raw. “I love her so much it physically hurts.”
Dad didn’t speak. He was processing it. His face gave nothing away.
“Please don’t be angry,” I whispered.
“I’m not angry. Why would I be? My son is in love.” He let out a soft laugh. “I’m just… surprised. I never thought it would be with someone so close to home. That’s all.”
He paused, and his brow furrowed. “But this is Saraphina we’re talking about. Loiusa’s daughter. Are you sure about this, Ry?”
“Dad, I would die for her. No, more than that. I would live for her.” There was no hiding it now. That was the whole truth.
A little smile touched my dad’s mouth, but he coughed and wrinkled his nose like he was trying to stop it.
“It won’t be simple. You’ll still have to talk to Loiusa.”
“I know! Wait, does that mean…? Are you…?”
“Come on. Let’s get your things together.” He nodded. “We have to go get your girl.”
I never knew how amazing my dad was until that moment. This man deserved the whole fucking world and more.
I grabbed his hand and pulled myself up. I was still shaky, but there was a fire in my chest now. I had never been so sure of anything.
It’s funny. I thought my life was over, and then I was handed a second chance. I thought our love was impossible, but now… maybe there’s still a way. Not just a second chance at life, but a second chance at us, too.
We were so close before, but ‘almost’ was never going to be enough.
I was smiling as I packed, but then I remembered. Dad said she has a boyfriend. I don’t know where I stand now. Maybe she’s moved on.
Damn.
Well, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t fight for what I believe in. And the only thing I have ever truly believed in is us.
So.
Author’s Note: What’s your thought about this chapter?