Chapter 58 This feeling is so familiar it hurts
"A couple… hundred, maybe? Ha-ha, I do not remember."
Mental note: Elle and free alcohol are a terrible mix.
"Elle, please be careful with that," I tell her. "This carpet costs a fortune. Cole will actually murder you if you so much as sneeze on it."
"Ah, Cole the lover boy!" she exclaims. "Where is he?"
"Probably in the hallway. He said he wants to be a good host and greet everyone, but I think he is just creeping people out," I laugh.
"He is a great guy, is he not?" Elle slurs.
"The best. He is my hero," I agree.
"Well… what do you think of him?" she asks, raising her eyebrows in a playful way.
"Cole? I told you, he is the best. What are you trying to say, Elle?"
"No, I mean like… as a boyfriend."
"Elle, be serious," I say, holding back a laugh. "Do you not know?"
"Know what?"
"Cole is gay," I whisper into her ear.
"Oh, honey," Elle gives me a look full of pity.
"What?"
"Cole is not gay," she states plainly.
"Elle, I have been friends with him since high school. I know him. He is so gay. I mean, think about it. In all the years we have known him, when has he ever said he liked a girl?"
"Oh, dear lord, have mercy," Elle starts fanning herself with her hand.
"What?"
"Saraphina, if you were not my friend, I would smack your head so hard they would hear it in North Korea."
"What are you talking about?"
"Cole is not gay. He is very, very straight."
"No, that is impossible."
"Okay, has he ever told you he liked a guy?"
"Well, no. But I thought it was because… he is in the closet."
Elle smacks my forehead.
"Ouch," I yelp.
"Okay, sorry Cole, I cannot do this anymore," Elle grabs my shoulders and stares right into my eyes. "Listen to me, Saraphina Livingston! All through high school, he never looked at other girls because he has been in love with only one girl. That girl is his best friend, and he is scared shitless he will lose her if he does something stupid. So he never said a word. But he loves her, my god, he does. He drank spoiled milk just to make her laugh, he lets her think he is gay just so he can stay close to her, and he throws her this amazing party because he wants nothing but the best for her. Are you getting my point here, Livingston?" Elle is furious, her nostrils flaring, as if steam is about to come out of her ears.
"Elle… how do you know all that?"
"One summer, about three years ago, a friend introduced me to his cousin, Cole. Cole and I became friends, and he told me about his feelings for this girl who was in Hawaii for her mom’s wedding. I said I would help him. I even gave him tickets to my show so he could take her. But that night, that girl ended up talking to Noah instead, so it was a total failure. Thank god she and Noah did not work out! And now, three years later, here we are. The guy is still waiting, and you are still completely clueless!"
My jaw practically falls to the floor. I would never, in a million years, have guessed this.
"Oh… Elle… I never knew…" I am shaking my head, unable to believe it.
"Not entirely your fault. I told him to stop wearing vests. It makes him look gay."
With that, Elle and I burst into wild laughter. But even as I laugh, I can taste the bitterness in it.
I cannot believe Cole has feelings for me. I cannot believe he has kept it a secret all this time. My own best friend, the person I spend every single day with. How could I be so blind? I am the worst friend ever. No, I am the worst person in the world.
I have to talk to Cole. I do not know what I will say, but he is my best friend and I need to hear the truth from him.
"You probably will not remember any of this tomorrow, but thank you for telling me, Elle," I pause before adding, "I think I am going to go talk to him now."
"Yep. Go get him, tiger," she attempts a wink and fails completely.
After making sure Elle is sitting down, far from the champagne and the expensive rug, I head toward the hallway. The room is crowded as more people arrive and mingle.
I turn my head, searching for that familiar tall shape. And that is when I see him, looking unbelievably good in a suit.
That is impossible.
I look again because I cannot trust my own eyes. But it is him. There is no mistaking it.
I can see the tattoos on his neck, just visible above the collar of his dark shirt. His hair is longer now, and his face looks a little older. He has light stubble on his jaw, but he is still just as handsome.
Oh. My. God.
Then our eyes meet, and everything else in the room just fades away. We stand there, just looking at each other for what feels like forever. I can see a storm of feelings in his eyes, but he stays perfectly composed. Meanwhile, so many emotions crash through me that my mind just stops working. I go completely blank, and can only come to one thought:
This has to be a dream.
Then, suddenly, a smile touches his lips. That smile. I know that smile so well. I have dreamed of that smile every night for three years.
Without looking away from me, he walks right toward me, and I turn to stone. I am pretty sure I am not even breathing anymore. Still smiling that smile, he stops when he is just an arm’s length away, standing directly in front of me.
This feeling is so familiar it hurts.
"Saraphina," he says, his voice gentle and warm.
"Ryan…"