Chapter 51 I kissed every part of her skin I could reach.
Ryan
Tomorrow, Saraphina leaves for New York City. I don’t know what to do with that. Sometimes I think about saying to hell with it all and just following her there. Other times, I just want to grab her and stuff her into my suitcase, take her with me everywhere I go.
We all had lunch today with our parents, me, and her. She was so calm about everything. How? Why isn’t she falling apart? I thought girls were supposed to get all emotional. So why do I feel like I’m the one coming unglued?
Since it’s her final night here, I planned something. I’ve been working on it for days. And I have to admit… God, I’m nervous.
Saraphina
Ryan Jake Williams is taking me on a date. A “real one,” he said.
When he says things like that, how am I supposed to keep myself together?
It’s my last night in Hawaii, and Ryan says we need to talk. We still haven’t had the talk. The one about ending this, because we’re both starting new lives somewhere else. I can tell he doesn’t want to have it. He’s been pushing it further away every day. But tonight is it. There’s no more time.
Oh, and I still haven’t told him my mom knows about us. I have a plan for that. Ryan won’t like it. Honestly, I don’t like it either.
“Ryan, where are we going?”
“Just walk,” he said, his voice low. His arms were around me, guiding me down a thin trail.
I’m wearing a blindfold, but I can hear the ocean and feel sand under my feet. From how narrow the path is, I know we’re at Virgin Beach.
“We’re at the beach. Why do I need this blindfold?”
“You ask too many questions,” he muttered.
Then he stopped. He took my shoulders and turned me around. The blindfold came off.
He was standing there with that incredible smile. And behind him, spread across the sand, were hundreds, maybe thousands, of tiny glass candles, all lit up. They circled a little makeshift tent with a table and two chairs inside.
My mouth fell open. I moved closer to the tent, covered in little lights. On the table were two wine glasses, filled to the top with vanilla milkshake. There was pizza, fries, and chocolate ice cream.
How does he know me this well?
“Ry…” The word barely came out. “You did all this?”
“Not too bad for a first date, right?” He gave me this shy, hopeful grin.
That smile. That’s the smile that started all of this. Yes, this. This complicated, beautiful mess. I am a mess.
Without warning, tears started down my face. I didn’t even feel them coming. Ryan’s smile vanished, replaced by worry. He cupped my face, his eyes searching mine.
“Saraphina, what is it?”
Everything, I thought. Everything is wrong.
“Nothing,” I said.
He breathed out slowly.
“Okay. I think I know why you’ve been so quiet lately,” he said, his fingers tracing the line of my jaw.
I stared at him. He knows?
“You’re thinking about us going different ways. About the future, and all that scary stuff. Right?”
I looked down. He’s partly right. I leave tomorrow. After that, there’s no more us. The next time we see each other… we’ll just be two separate people.
“Hey. Look at me.” He gently lifted my face. “I promise you, we’ll make this work. I have never loved anyone like this. I am completely in love with you. And I will do whatever it takes to keep us together.”
I couldn’t speak. His blue eyes held mine, and I felt fresh tears coming.
No, Ryan. There’s nothing you can do. There is no ‘us’ in this story anymore.
“I know three years is a long time. It’s a big thing to ask. But will you wait for me? The second my contract is done, I’ll come for you. Nothing will keep us apart.” He caught my tears with his thumbs, wiping them away.
I want to wait for you. You have no idea how much. But it’s not even about waiting now.
He waited for my answer. My throat felt too tight to speak.
“Ryan…” My voice was a rough whisper.
“Please say yes. Please don’t say no. I don’t think I can keep going without you.” His own voice broke a little, and in that moment, I felt like I could see right into him.
This love is going to ruin me.
“Show me,” I said, the words coming out slowly. “Show me how much you love me. So I’ll always remember.” I pressed my palm to the side of his face.
He looked at me with a kind of awe, his eyes growing deep and serious. Then, in one motion, he pulled me against him and brought his mouth down on mine. The kiss was possessive, full of need. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with everything I had left.
Because this is all I have left.
Ryan
When I asked her to wait, I saw the struggle in her eyes. I know she’s afraid. So am I. The next three years… I’ll be traveling the planet, and she’ll be on the other side of the country in college. I don’t know what happens to people then. Maybe she builds a new life. Maybe she forgets me.
The idea of her forgetting me makes my chest ache. She is not going to forget me. I’ll make goddamn sure of that.
I’m giving this everything. She’s it for me. She’s my only ending.
I kissed her like I was discovering her mouth for the first time. She kissed me back, all heat and need. Knowing she wanted me just as much… I lost control.
I gathered the material of her dress in my hand and pulled it over her head. It came off easily. She gasped, and I took her mouth again. My lips traveled down her neck, behind her ear. She made a desperate sound, her nails pressing into my back. I groaned and tore her bra open. I was being hard with her, but she didn’t mind, she just kissed me harder.
I lifted her and carried her to the tent. I laid her down inside, trying to catch my breath. She was half-sitting, propped up on her elbows, looking back at me.
God, she is so fucking beautiful. And she’s mine.
I took my time with my own clothes, unbuttoning my shirt and jeans before tossing them aside. She watched me, her eyes hazy.
And I’m hers, too.
“You’re all mine,” I said, closing the space between us.
For a second, her eyes seemed far away. She wants this, but she’s holding back. I’m going to make her remember me, remember this, if it’s the last thing I do.
“Tell me you’re mine,” I murmured against her skin, kissing along her collarbone.
My hand moved down her stomach and rested between her legs. I slid a finger inside her. She was ready for me. The feeling made me ache. I worked my finger deeper, claiming what belongs to me. She let her head fall back with a low moan.
“Tell me,” I pressed, my other hand holding her face so she’d look at me.
My finger kept moving inside her, slow and deliberate. I wanted her to feel it, to feel how much she needed this. She pushed her hips against my hand.
“Ryan,” she groaned.
“Say it, Saraphina. Tell me you’re mine. Because I am all yours.” I spoke the words against her ear.
“I am… yours,” she finally said.
That was it. I broke.
I pulled her underwear off, tearing the fabric. She cried out as I pushed into her, hard and complete. I covered her breasts with my mouth, tugging with my teeth. I moved in her, deep and without holding back, over and over.
She called out my name when she found her release. But I wasn’t finished. I turned her over and took her from behind, my hands planted on her hips. I kissed every part of her skin I could reach. I wanted to taste all of her. I wanted my mark on every inch.
She’s mine. I’m hers. We don’t have much time. But tonight, we make it last forever.
Saraphina
The sun is just starting to rise. The sky is soft with pale orange and purple light.
I rolled over carefully, trying not to make a sound. I reached across Ryan’s sleeping form and picked up his phone.
5:24 AM.
I turned off the alarm he’d set last night and put the phone back exactly where I found it.
Ryan is deep asleep, breathing steadily. He must be worn out. Last night was probably the best night of my life. The perfect first date… and the last one.
I watched his chest move up and down. I studied his face, his dark lashes, his cheekbones, his jaw, his lips.
I will never kiss those lips again.
I knew if I stayed in this tent another minute, I would shatter. So, with the little strength I had left, I gathered my things as quietly and as fast as possible.
Right before I left, I looked back at him one more time. A single tear rolled down my cheek.
He will always own a part of me.
And then I walked out. I walked, and walked, and walked. Tears were pouring down my face now. And then I started to run. I ran, and ran, and I did not look back.