Chapter 14 *‘Stop pretending, princess.’*
Saraphina
The whole drive back, Ryan and I did not speak. He kept looking over at me, though. Just a quick turn of his head, checking to see if I was still in one piece. I stayed quiet, my thoughts a mess, trying to understand everything. Each time a memory came back, my stomach turned. But I made myself see the truth. It was over. I was okay. I was here, in his truck, wrapped up in his jacket. The heat from it was a comfort. I breathed in, and his smell filled my lungs. It was the only thing that made me feel sure I was safe.
When we got to the house, Ryan pulled in and stopped the car. He sat for a moment, drawing in a long breath before he turned the engine off. He seemed like he had something to say, but the words would not come.
"Thank you," I began, my voice low, breaking the silence between us. "Thank you for coming to get me."
Ryan let out a frustrated breath. "I told you not to get in the car with him. Why did you not listen?"
"I was not feeling well. He said he would take me home. And you were gone. I could not find you."
"God, Saraphina! He almost..! Fuck!" he growled. He was so angry. Why was he so angry with me?
"I am sorry," I said, my voice small.
"You do not get into cars with people you do not know! Did no one teach you that?"
"He was nice to me. At first. I thought he was your friend," I tried to explain.
"Yeah, he is my friend. But I am a fucking jackass, Saraphina! All my friends are jackasses!"
"I am sorry. I should have been more careful."
"And you should not be drinking if you cannot hold it."
"I know. I know it is all my fault. I am sorry..." My voice broke. I was going to start crying again.
Ryan took a deep, loud breath. He made a fist, pressing his knuckles hard into the seat beside him.
"No," he said, his voice changing. "It was not your fault." He was quiet for a long moment. "I should never have left you. I am sorry."
Ryan
We took off our shoes at the door and walked up the stairs, careful to be quiet. We did not want to wake our parents. The last thing we needed was a bunch of questions. We made it to the top without a sound. I walked Saraphina to her door, but she stopped before going in and turned to face me.
"Thank you," she said again, her voice so soft it almost was not there.
She looked so breakable. It took everything in me not to pull her into my arms. I wanted to, so much, but a voice in my head told me I could not. So I just put my hand on her head and stroked her hair, gently. She lifted her gaze to me, her big blue eyes wide.
Damn, I wanted to kiss her.
I pushed the thought away as soon as it came. I looked away from her mouth and saw the dark marks on her neck. My whole body went tight and hot all over again.
I am going to fucking kill Cameron.
Saraphina saw me looking at the bruises. It made her uncomfortable. She pulled my jacket tighter around her neck.
"Can I keep this?" she asked, her voice so small.
All the anger inside me just melted away at the sound.
"It is yours," I told her.
"Good night," she said again, and then she was gone, slipping into her room and shutting the door.
I wanted, more than anything, to open that door and go in after her. But I knew that was a line I could not cross. So I just breathed out, long and slow, and walked away.
I needed a very cold shower.
Saraphina
I took a hot shower. I scrubbed my skin until it felt raw. I thought about what happened in the woods and I wanted to crawl out of my own body.
I am so tired. My skin is red and it burns. I left the lights on. Lying in bed, I could not stop thinking about it. What if Ryan had not found me?
I drifted in and out of bad sleep. Pictures flashed behind my eyes. Cameron’s words played over and over in my head.
‘Stop pretending, princess.’
‘I know you want this.’
‘I bet you are ready for me.’
‘I am going to fuck you so good.’
I saw it all again. His rough hands grabbing me. The hard press of him against my body. His hot, heavy breath on my neck. His tongue forcing its way into my mouth, making me feel sick.
‘Shut up!’ Cameron snarled, his hand closing around my throat. ‘Just be a good bitch and take it.’
I could not breathe. I could not move. I could not think. He was so much stronger. I had been so stupid to get into that situation. Cameron smiled, a winning smile, as he forced my legs apart and got ready to push himself inside me. I closed my eyes and waited for the worst to happen, wishing I would just die.
I screamed and woke up in a panic.
My heart was beating so hard. It was a huge relief to open my eyes and see my own bedroom ceiling. I took deep breaths, trying to calm down, telling myself it was only a dream. A bad dream.
I was breathing fast, covered in a cold sweat. I was so scared. I was afraid to close my eyes. Every time I did, I saw Cameron’s ugly, proud smile. I don't want to see him. I wanted to see Ryan. I wanted Ryan here with me. I wanted him to hold me.