Chapter 92

Chapter 92
Amerald
“Ashley, Jaida is ready,” he called softly as he stared down at the little girl cradled in his arms in a towel.
He ran a finger down her face. Every time he looked at Jaida’s blue eyes and blonde hair, he missed Lucy more. All of their kids did, but she was her mother’s twin and he couldn’t stop himself from still loving Lucy. She was perfect after all. He shook his head as he handed the infant to Ashley. He hated that it was the gang helping him with his kids. It should be him and Lucy but it couldn’t be.
He reached down to pick Merlot up to set him in the baby tub before turning the water off. He couldn’t wait until the kids could all sit up and hold themselves up. It would make bath time so much easier if he could just bathe them in pairs or threes instead of one by one in the stupid little baby tubs. He drizzled water over his son, cooing to him. It was his last night with them for a few days and it was always the hardest night. He wanted more time with them. He wanted to be a real father and not just a weekend dad. He smiled at Merlot as he picked him up to wrap a towel around him and drain the tub.
“Look at how big you’ve gotten. You’re going to make Mommy and Daddy so proud. A true Alpha.”
He carried Merlot over to the changing table in the room to dry him off and get him into a diaper and his pajamas. When he was done, he turned around to smile at Ashley.
“Thank you for the help. I really appreciate it.”
She brushed her fingers over Joyce’s hair. “It really is no problem, Amerald.” She smirked at him. “Even though, I must say this is not how I thought you would be as a father.”
“How did you think I would be?”
She laughed. “Honestly? I thought you would expect the mother to do all the work but you don’t. I thought you would bang on your chest and say, ‘I am man! I hunt, you tend to the kids.’” She stopped to giggle. “But you’re not. You do everything you can for them. You don’t like to ask for help and I can see how frustrated it makes you to do so. I just want to say that I’m proud of you and I know she is, too.”
He stiffened at the mention of Lucy. She didn’t have to say her name for him to know that’s who it was. He always knew and every time someone mentioned her, his heart shattered in his chest. He gave her a tense smile.
“Thank you, Ash, but it doesn’t matter if she is. We’re not together.”
She walked over to give him a hug, squeezing him tight. “I know that’s what your mouth says but I also know your heart screams something else.” She kissed his cheek. “Goodnight.”
He watched her walk out, shutting the door softly behind her. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before he collapsed 5 of the bassinets so that they lay on the floor. He positioned Joyce, Merlot and Keith on the floor. It had been such an eventful weekend with Keith shifting for the first time that he had been toying with the idea of staying a little longer to tell Lucy. He knew with Josh by her side it would be safe. Josh wouldn’t let her get close to him. He desperately wanted to share this with her. He was their father and she was their mother after all.
‘Yeah, keep telling yourself that,’ Saber huffed. ‘Why don’t we just challenge him for her? She bears our mark, too. We could do it. We could win.’
Amerald rolled his eyes as he positioned the 5 in the bassinets around in a circle before he let Saber out to curl around the other three. He uttered a small half growl half purr noise and the three next to him shifted into their tigers. He carefully licked each one of them as they got comfortable by his side to sleep before turning his head slowly to lick each one of the babies in the bassinet. When he was done, he curled his body around the kittens by his side and started emitting a low purr. The kittens nuzzled in closer and Amerald and Saber were both instantly content, being surrounded by their children.
‘It’d be better if we had Lucy, too,’ Saber said, making Amerald huff in frustration.
Every fucking day he was with them, Saber said this and on the days when he wasn’t, it was ‘I miss our kittens and Lucy.’ It didn’t matter to Saber that two of them had no animals and that only 2 had shifted at that time, they were all kittens. Amerald secretly loved it, because it made them all equals, even though the shifters were biologically superior but it didn’t matter. Little Nomad and Lola were perfect, too. He shifted his gaze to study the two in question and smiled internally when he saw Lucy’s blue eyes shining from Lola’s face as she watched him. He leaned over to lick her face, making her smile and grab his fur. He chuckled in his head. He could already tell that little Lola was going to be a heartbreaker. He was going to have to get a gun. Or at least that’s what the humans would say. Saber growled.
‘Heartbreaker just like OUR Lucy. We should practice protecting Lola on Joshua,’ he spat.
Amerald rolled his eyes, sighing. He wished things could be as simple as Saber saw them. There were only three things that Saber believed were the reason for his existence. One, to love his mate forever. Two, protect his pack. Three, hunt, kill, eat and repeat. It just really sucked that Saber held onto Lucy for two of the three reasons for him to continue to fight for survival. To him, she was his mate and the luna of his pack. As much as Amerald tried to convince himself otherwise, Saber was right. She was theirs. Their mate, their luna, the mother of their children, and everything else that could and couldn’t be put into words. She was perfect and truly good. That was why he had to keep walking away. She deserved more than he could ever give her.
He tried to hide his pain from Saber as he thought about all the times he had secretly spied on her at Deegan. She was such a good mother. Josh was a great father, too, and he loathed him all the more for that. Saber whimpered as he crawled up to him in their mind to lay his head in Amerald’s lap. He nudged Amerald’s hand to make him pet him which he did with long strokes over his side, holding in a groan when he felt Saber’s ribs. He had lost too much weight since she had left them. He sighed.
“It’ll fade soon, Sabe. I promise.”
“And what if it doesn’t?” he asked sadly.
“I don’t know.” He closed his eyes. “I just don’t know."