Chapter 90

Chapter 90
One Month Ago
He leaned against the pillar watching Lucy do tummy time with their kids on a large, thick green blanket under the warmth of the sun. He loved that she had blossomed in her new role as a mother. It was almost as if this was the only thing she had been created to do. He could just see her surrounded by a dozen kids, patiently working with each one of them. She never got overwhelmed and she was never shy about asking for help when she was unsure. He sighed as he stuck his hands in his pockets. She was perfect. The perfect little mother and mate that anybody could ever ask for.
“She looks happy,” Joy mused from beside him, making him jump.
He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed her approach him. “Yeah. She’s a great liar, isn’t she?” he asked defeatedly.
“What’s she lying about?”
“Being happy.”
Joy watched her for a few minutes. “She looks happy to me. Do you really think she’s not happy or is that just your guilt talking?”
He sighed. “I know she’s happy but she’s not as happy as she could be. And yes, it’s my guilt, too.”
“What isn’t she happy with?”
“She wants to have Amerald. She told me she did but I also know she won’t see him again because she promised me.”
“Oh. Hmm. How does that make you feel?” Joy asked softly.
“It makes me feel happy. I feel like I am the most important thing to her. It makes me feel… at peace about everything.”
She turned to look at him. “But?”
“But then I look into her eyes and I see the sadness. I see the pain. I see everything she tries to hide from me. Ever since I spoke to the Goddess about this, I can’t pretend like I don’t see it.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“It takes me back to all the nights I would listen to her talk to him about me. He would be lost as to what to say but he would let her cry her feelings out while he held her. She said that I was her emotional mate but he was always there for her even when he didn’t know what to do. And here I am so caught up in how I feel about things that she can’t even talk to me about how she feels. Amerald is a good guy. He never hurt her. He made her smile and laugh. He loved her and protected her. He was everything she ever wanted in a mate. Everything she deserves in one and I took that from her.”
“So, how are you going to fix it?”
“I don’t know if I can. They would never trust anything I had to say.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I have tried to talk to her about him a few times and she shuts down. I’ve hurt them both so much with my actions that I don’t know how to fix this.”
“I had a mate once, you know, before Sterling and Slonsky. He was my perfect mate. Attentive, loving, protective, loyal. I watched him be murdered to protect Sommer and me. I felt so guilty over his death that I didn’t trust myself to truly live. When I first met Sterling, I still held back. For years I tortured us both by being close without being together. I was with Slonsky before I came to Dragão and when he realized I was here he wanted to be together, just like Sterling did. Sterling was also with Slonsky during that time. I am not sure why he came to me that day, but I’m glad he did. We haven’t spent a day apart since we became one.”
“Do you ever regret taking two mates, Grandma Joy?”
She laughed. “Goddess, no. Those two are wild. I do miss my fated mate sometimes.”
“Do they get upset when you do?”
“No. I know they miss theirs, too. Well, more so Odanya than Anastasia. When those times come, we just hold each other and we don’t let go, simply because we don’t have to. That’s the good thing about being grown, Josh, words and actions. If you can’t talk to them, show them. If they won’t listen, make them see.” She turned to him and cupped his face. “You have a special woman, little one, and she has not one, but two wonderful men who love her with every fiber of their beings. You don’t have to have the same type of relationship Sterling, Slonsky and I have, but you should consider her happiness. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Her happiness will bring you even greater joy. Who knows, maybe one day you and Amerald can be friends.”
His eyes moved back to Lucy. “Friends that share a woman?”
She patted his cheek. “If that’s what you have to call it to make it easier to handle.”
He sighed. “I just want her to be happy.”
“I know you do. We all do.”
“Will you help me fix this?”
She beamed at him. “Just tell me what to do.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “I need to know where and how Amerald spends his time when he’s not with the kids.”
“I’ll have Slonsky do that. He never gets busted when he spies on people.”
He hugged her. “Thank you.”
She patted his back before pushing him gently in the direction of his family. “While we are waiting on that, go show her how much you love her.”
He hurried down to lay next to her on the blanket. She took his hand immediately.
“Look what Merlot can do.”
He turned his attention to the infant as he rocked himself until he rolled over. Lucy tickled his belly before turning him back over. She grinned at Josh.
“He’s progressing so fast. He’s so incredible. They all are.”
He couldn’t help but lean over to kiss her. “That’s because they have the most amazing parents in the world.”
She hesitated. “We are pretty great,” she said softly.
He pulled her closer to his side and kissed her forehead. “Amerald is pretty great, too.”
She looked up at him. “Is he?” she asked hesitantly.
He nodded. “Yeah. It’s okay that you miss him, Lucy. It’s even okay that you talk about him. I’ll listen.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Because it hurts?” he inquired softly.
She nodded. “A lot,” she whispered, turning her face into his shoulder.
He stroked her hair. “It’s okay, baby. Everything will be okay. I promise you.”
“I hope so.”
“It will be,” he repeated as his determination to get him back for her was cemented even more.
For as much as he wanted her to himself, it wasn’t worth destroying her in the process. It was time for him to go back to being the mate she fell in love with. And that time was now. She couldn’t wait anymore. She needed this and he was going to move heaven and earth to do it for her.
He jerked awake when he heard her whimper in her sleep. Apollo breathed their fire over her and she quieted. This was the only time her grief was out there for him to see uncensored. Her nightmares had gotten more frequent and it crushed him every time she had one. He tucked her hair behind her ear.
“Soon, baby. I promise I’ll never ask you to choose again.” He picked her hand up to kiss it. “Even if I have to let you go.”