Chapter 61 THE PROCEDURE
ARYA’S POV
I was worried, but I needed to brace myself up and be strong.
“This is the right thing to do.” I keep reminding myself each time my conscience wants to play tricks on me.
As I saw the door to the doctor's office closed and reopened, fear slammed against my body.
My heart hammered against my ribs as I watched the nurses walking in and out with documents in their hands.
I feared for my turn.
If not because I knew the doctor, I'd have had my procedure a week or few days from now.
I just wanted to get done with it.
Stella sat beside me, her thumb gently stroking the back of my hand.
“I’m really glad you’re here, Stella,” I whispered, with my voice cracked.
She squeezed my hand, her eyes still on her phone, but I knew she was paying attention.
“Of course, I’m here, babe. Where else would I be? I told you, you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re strong and brave. Don't worry about it.”
Strong. That word felt like a mockery right now. Strong people didn’t find themselves signing consent forms for an abortion, shame and guilt washed over me as I clutched my dress with shaky hands.
“What if it’s true, though? What the doctor said— about the risk?” I asked Stella, my voice conveying both fear and worry.
Stella finally put her phone down, turning her full attention to me.
“Arya, stop it. You heard him, you signed the papers. It’s a risk, yes, but living with this situation, going through what you’d have to go through… that’s a bigger risk for you. You made the choice you need to make for yourself. You’ll be fine. You’re going to walk out of here, and we’ll get pizza, and we’ll forget this day ever happened.” Stella tried to encourage me, her voice sounding calm.
Forget. Could I ever forget? This was too much for me, the weight of the guilt was forever going to weigh me down until I got drowned in the sea of my own wrongdoings.
A tear escaped my eyes as it trickled down my cheek.
I needed to be strong, I needed to focus on something happier. The pizza. Yes, it was enough to lighten my mood and make me happy.
If Stella was a man, I'd have loved her to be with me forever. She was a support to me, she was my everything.
The thought of me sharing her love with Dave made me a little jealous. I always needed her to be beside me.
“You will be fine. You're a nurse, remember? You've seen this many times babe,.this shouldn't scare you.” Stella continued as she rubbed the back of my hand to reassure me.
“Not when you're the patient.” I said as we chuckled about it, making me smile almost my fears.
Just then, the moment I've been dreading arrived.
“Arya Simons.” The nurse called. She had a stern look with cold eyes that shot around the waiting corners, looking for who was bearing that name.
Not wanting to waste further time, I spoke up.
“That's me.” I said in a shaky voice as she looked straight into my direction.
“Enter.” She said strictly as she walked back into the office.
My stomach tightened. My body trembled. Stella seemed to have noticed how my whole feelings instantly changed as fear swept over me.
“Calm down Arya. I'm here with you.” She encouraged me as she hugged me so tight.
“I'll walk you to the door. I'm never going to leave you.” She whispered into my ears.
I couldn't say anything, I just nodded my head as I tried to catch my breath.
We entered through the door, it led us to a short corridor that was cold. The metallic scent of blood and disinfectant made my stomach tighten in irritation.
At a door marked Procedure Prep, Stella stopped.
“Remember what I said, breathe, be strong for me. You’ll see me right here when you’re done.” Stella said as she held my hands and looked straight into my eyes.
“Okay. Thank you.” I said and gave her a warm tight hug, as if letting all my fears down.
She released me as she looked straight into my eyes while still holding my hands.
“I love you. Be strong for me.” I smiled, her words of comfort made me more brave and less scared.
I stepped inside the room.
The nurse, whose name tag read ‘Nurse Trisha’ gestured toward a curtained cubicle.
“Please take off your clothes and put on this gown. Leave your things on the chair.” Nurse Trisha instructed.
I nodded, not saying a word as I walked over to where I was instructed to undress.
I pulled the curtain after I entered the cubicle and began to strip slowly.
As I took off each piece of clothing from my body, my hands felt heavy, my heart was ladened with guilt.
Stella's smiles and words of encouragement kept me strong. I didn't want to have a personal bonding with the unborn child because of this moment.
I didn't want to feel the guilt of getting rid of the baby. It was going to ruin my life.
I changed into a hospital gown that was thin and transparent. It exposed too much of my skin, making me very vulnerable.
“This is how those patients always felt vulnerable.” I thought to myself.
As I came out of the cubicle, nurse Trisha was waiting for me with a clipboard in her hand.
“Have you had anything to eat or drink in the last eight hours, Arya?” She asked me without looking as her eyes were fixed to what she was holding.
“No. Just water, a little this morning,” I replied.
She frowned. “Water is fine, but you should have been strictly nil per os— nothing by mouth. We’ll proceed, but please follow instructions next time. Now, your vitals.”
The cuff tightened on my arm, my blood pressure was reading too high.
“You’re nervous, aren’t you?” She asked warmly.
“Yes, nurse.” I admitted.
“It’s a simple procedure, dear. Dr. Kelvin is one of the best. We’ll give you something for the pain, and you’ll be resting before you know it. Come, follow me.” She explained, trying to make me less nervous and to assure me that I was in good hands.
Little did she know that I knew the doctor, down to his pants.
She led me down another passage to a room that looked far more clinical than the prep area. Bright fluorescent lights glared down on a narrow surgical bed.
Some surgical tools were arranged on a tray.
Dr. Kelvin was already there, washing his hands at a steel sink. He turned with the same familiar smile on his face.
“Arya. Good to see you again, my beautiful patient. All ready to go?”
The way he played with his words, calling me ‘beautiful’ and the familiar smile on his face made me a little bit uncomfortable.
I clutched the end of my gown tightly. I was already too vulnerable, being naked under this see through and almost naked hospital gown.