Chapter 29 Chapter 15 (i)
Fae
"What is it?” he asked, sounding curious but with a smile on his face.
“Jigo, you’re not the only one who’s a first… you know… intimate someone for me.” I went ahead of that, awkward for the lack of term for what to call him. “You’re also my first kiss!”
He blinked, looking at me. “What...?”
I laughed at his bewildered expression. “You’re my first kiss. I realized I haven’t ever kissed any man on the lips. Well, I wished to have kissed... never mind. But you’re the first of… everything. So far. Can you believe it?”
He gazed at me for a moment, then took a deep breath. “Thank god you never kissed him. Or you wouldn’t be with me right now because he would surely want more of this.” He tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him away gently, placing my hand on his chest.
“Just to set the record straight, I’m not implying that because you’re my first in everything, I’m looking for a commitment, okay?”
“No, it didn’t even enter my mind,” he said, innocently shaking his head while pulling me closer by the waist.
“No, really,” I insisted.
He looked into my eyes. “Now, why do I feel like you’re going to kick me out of here the next second?”
I huffed at that. “Jigo... I’m serious. I’m not trying to turn you away. I just want to make things clear. If this is another situation where I’ll be… I know I’ll...” I lowered my eyes.
“You’ll be… and you’ll what?” I heard him say, his eyes dangerously soft.
I sighed. “I really don’t know. Am I overthinking again?”
“Hey... look back up here.”
I furrowed my brow. I had raised my eyes at ‘hey.’ “I already am looking at you.”
“Look into me.”
“I am…” I took a deep breath, exasperated, then widened my eyes at him. “Like this?”
He stole a kiss first before continuing. “You know me more than you ever did before. And I want you to know, to believe me when I say this—that I’m honored beyond words I’m the man you’re experiencing all these firsts with. When I said I would take care of you, I had meant it. I still mean it—I’m not ever going to change my mind. Now, stop thinking and just feel this.”
“Really…” I said, dazed again.
“Kiss me, Fae.”
But I ignored the command in his voice because I still had a question. “Have you been someone else’s first?”
“Not one that I know of.”
I cringed. “I’m such a klutz…”
He chuckled and pushed me deeper onto the bed, kissing me passionately. While the sound of our kissing lips filled the room, another sound interrupted us.
My stomach. It growled, rumbling with hunger.
He lifted his head. “ I knew it.” He got up and pulled me to my feet. He rushed me to the kitchen, retrieved the bag of Chinese take-out from the coffee table where he had placed it earlier, and watched me as I sniffed one of the four rice boxes and servings of side dishes he laid out on the table in just a few minutes. Might be ten. I was so hungry and it was just gone.
I was full, and happily so. I watched him finish off one of the bowls of siomai, some of which he fed me with chopsticks.
“I thought you were so chill before. Cool as a cucumber. But you’re not only kind, you’re also mischievous,” I said.
“You’re okay yourself, kid,” he replied. “But I already knew that a long time ago. Loyal and honest. And patient.”
Ah, because of my long pursuit of Carl. Instead of saying I was obsessed, he made it sound as if my feelings for Carl were naïve. But I was a bit obsessed. Oh, yes. I was guilty. I tried to control it, never meaning to make Carl feel harassed. That’s just ridiculous. But I was defensive for a long time, and it escalated when ‘stalking’ became a street term. I hated the possibility of appearing like Carl’s stalker. I tried to control my constant desire to see him in the house and on campus. It got easier after I bought this condo and moved out of Easton House.
But Jigo didn’t make me feel any of those things. He simply described me as an admirer of Carl. As if this was normal. I was happy. It was a different kind of happiness. It felt like I was set free.
And as I indulgently watched Jigo while he watched me, I truly believed that I was going to be alright.
Instead of leaving after our late supper, Jigo helped me pack the remaining items I had to pack. When it got late, we tumbled into bed to sleep. He didn’t even ask if he should leave and go to his own house and sleep in his own bed.
Instead, he held me close as we lay down, and I fell into a deep sleep in his arms for the remaining hours of the night.