Chapter 59

"Can I ask you something?"

"You're already asking, but I'll give you a credit."

"Oh, thanks. Hm... I don't really know how to ask this. It's going to sound corny, in fact, it is corny, but I want to know anyway."

"Then stop being silly and just ask."

I was sitting by the sea, hugging my knees and feeling the cold water touching my bare feet. The sound of the waves and the nice wind were making me sleepy, even more so with Steve's arms around my waist, drawing me closer to his chest and cradling me even more comfortably between his legs.

"Can you imagine yourself a long time from now.... Still with me?" he finally asked, making me turn my head to look at him.

Steve didn't return my gaze, but just continued to stare thoughtfully at the horizon ahead of us. We had lost track of time, but it must have been late, due to the darkness, which was not so glaring above us because of the lights emanating from the house. It took me some time to answer, with a shy smile on my face.

"To tell you the truth, I've been imagining this for about three years. " I spoke, turning back to face him and feeling my cheeks burn. That sentence had sounded more childish than I thought.

"You swear?" he exclaimed, his voice surprised by the revelation. "Since I started teaching you?"

I nodded, feeling like the dreamy little brat, even more so with Steve's satisfied laughter. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should do what I was thinking, but before I could come to a conclusion, I heard my own voice tell me off:

"What about you? See me in a while?"

He gave a short pause, assimilating the question, and I waited for his answer without moving, just watching the sea water touch my feet again.

"Actually, I try not to think about it. "He murmured, hugging me tighter, and although that was not the answer I expected to hear, I remained still. "I prefer to cling to every minute as if it were my last, as if you were a figment of my imagination and could vanish at any moment.... Thinking like that will make things a lot easier when I have to let you go."

I frowned slightly, feeling melancholy in his voice. My heart ached at those words, and again I turned sideways, putting my legs over his.

"Let me go?" I breathed, feeling my throat tighten, and fixed my gaze on his, even though it was unrequited. Steve gave a sad smile, again showing a certain pain in his expression.

"Face facts, Lil," he said, finally looking at me, and for a moment I wished he wouldn't, and would spare me the agony in his eyes. "You have a whole life ahead of you, and what do I have? A few more years until all I can offer you is my love, which you probably won't need anymore. And by then, someone much better than me will come along, and everything we've been through together will just be part of the past."

With every word he said, I became more disgusted. Why did he think that way? Wasn't the fact that I was there with him, loving him as I had never loved anyone, enough to prove that I wanted him forever? Why did he still have doubts that we would be together for a long time? If even I, who had a reason with a first and last name for thinking like him, didn't consider such a hypothesis, why did he?

"I can't believe you're telling me these things. "I said, my voice failing so badly. "Take it back, now!"

"Lil...," he insisted, crestfallen and with a humorless smile, but I didn't give him time to continue.

"Take it back! Now!", I repeated at a slightly louder volume, raising his face until his eyes were at the level of mine. "I don't ever want to hear you talk nonsense like that again, understand? If you don't want to hurt me, you'd better stop it! You offend me by talking like that!"

Steve took his time to return my gaze, and when he did, his pained smile turned into a light, shy smile. Even with the seriousness of the moment, I found myself fighting my facial muscles, wanting to smile at the cuteness of his manner.

"I feel like a little two-year-old with you fighting with me like that," he murmured, his smile slightly crushed between his cheeks by my hands, which were still firmly wrapped around his face.

"You don't have to exaggerate either, do you?" I smiled, still a little annoyed, wrapping my arms around his neck. "One minute you think you're too old, then you make me feel like a pedophile? Make up your mind, Suan!"

This time Steve let out a hearty laugh, which made me smile even more. It didn't even seem like we had been at a critical moment so recently.

"I think I've made up my mind," he said, staring at me as he slipped one of his arms under my legs and wrapped my waist with the other, "I've decided that it's a little chilly in here, and we'd better go inside and get warm."

"Hm. "I spoke, pretending to analyze the decision and doing my best to maintain the pleasant atmosphere that had been restored so quickly. "Do I really need to say that I agree?"

Steve also looked thoughtful, and then smiled again.

"I guess not," he laughed, getting up with me on his lap with enviable agility. Steve walked to the house, twirling every now and then and making me laugh, hugging his neck. Before we entered the house, we washed our feet in the shower next to the door, and at no time did Steve put me down. And frankly, I loved being carried. A remnant of childhood, perhaps.