Capítulo 58

A feeling of air disappearing from my lungs came with full force, as if I had been crushed by a sumo wrestler. Steve had taken me to spend the weekend at Cassano's beach house? It was too much information to take in so suddenly. My expression crumbled, as did my entire anti-Nicholas fortress. Being in a house that belonged to him would be a hard fact to digest.

"I know I should have told you before, I'd even rather not tell you, but . I'm sorry, Lil," Steve muttered, sounding disconcerted. "We've fought about him before, and I know you guys don't get along, but.... Nicholas himself offered the house, and since I love this place and can't afford anything like it, I jumped at the idea."

" T-all right," I stammered, forging a smile that must have looked more like a grimace of pain than anything else, but which was enough to ease Steve's sudden tension. "He's your friend, I... I understand."

Understanding was one thing. Liking the idea, or rather, getting used to it, not shivering at the simple fact that that house belonged to Nicholas and knowing that I was there with another guy? Ah, that was something else entirely. But I had promised myself that I would not let anything get in the way of my weekend with Steve, and I held to that promise.

"Well, I'll take advantage of the unnecessary interruption to show you the rest of the house," Steve said, giving me a brief kiss. "You'll love the view from the bedroom, especially with the sunset."

I let myself be guided by him on our tour of the rooms, totally absorbed in thought. As much as I could smile from time to time at Steve's wondrous descriptions of each piece of furniture, my thoughts were still far away, dangerously close to the owner of that house.

I wondered for a moment if Nicholas had ever taken women there. Of course he had... But how many? Several at once? Had Kelly spent a weekend with him in the same house? I definitely had some work to do to get those kinds of thoughts out of my mind. Imagining Kelly walking through the rooms with only her underwear on (or even without), while his eyes followed her, caused a sudden burning inside my chest, which I quickly repressed furiously. I was beginning to convince myself that I had some incurable psychological disease.

"Now we come to the most beautiful place in the house," Steve warned excitedly, before opening the door to one of the rooms upstairs. "Close your eyes."

I sighed, trying to relax, and obeyed. I heard the door open and soon Steve's hands guided me around my waist a few steps inside. The sound of the sea there was much louder, and a pleasantly cool, beach-scented wind hit us after a few steps. He stopped me, and hugged me from behind before whispering in my ear:

"You can open it."

I did as he asked slowly, and a strong orange light infested my eyes. We were on the balcony of the room, from where we could see a relatively short stretch of sand stretching out until it was covered by the serene sea. The sun was about to "touch" the water on the horizon, radiating orange over everything below it and reigning alone in the sky, as no clouds dared to appear around it.

That view took my breath away. For me, sunset was one of nature's most beautiful spectacles. Whenever I could, I used to watch the beautiful and vibrant color oscillations in the sky as the sun went down, reflecting on something or simply listening to some music. It was extremely therapeutic, made me much calmer at night, and made me sleep better. Of course, with the twists and turns of the last few days, no sunset could calm me down, but I kept trying.

"Steve... It's beautiful!", I breathed, bringing a hand to my mouth in a sign of wonderment. He didn't answer, just let out a muted chuckle and settled his chin on my shoulder, with the side of his face pressed against mine.

That view made me see things much more clearly, analyze all those worries that the memory of Nicholas had brought with it more calmly, and even come to a conclusion. I had to get it into my mind that I loved Steve and needed nothing more. So many people wait their whole lives to find their soul mate, and I, at my measly 17 years old, was lucky enough to find mine. But still, I could be so low as to think of another man... To the point of having betrayed him with another man. It suffocated me. Guilt and reproach strangled me, cruel and painfully righteous. Nicholas would never be able to do half as much for me as Steve did.

I couldn't go on like this. I had to end it.

"If I ask you something. Promise you'll do it," I murmured, staring at the horizon, my eyes pinched by the wind.

"Whatever you want," he replied, also softly, as if he was afraid of interrupting the silence, and also because there was no need to speak loudly with our proximity.

"Please promise you'll do it," I repeated, biting my lower lip.

"I promise," he spoke, turning his face slightly so he could watch me "Don't you trust me?"

I sighed, unable not to trust him, and nodded. It was impossible not to.

"Then promise me just one more thing," I stammered, feeling my voice falter with nervousness. "If I ever hurt you... Promise you'll do worse to me."

Steve lifted his head, dropping his neck back to a straight back, and I hesitated before looking up at him. He was watching me with a serious, confused, and even slightly suspicious expression.

"What do you mean, Lil?" he asked, with a firm frown. "How could you possibly hurt me?"

"I just want you to give me the assurance that I will bitterly regret the day I ever hurt you," I insisted, turning to face him, my gaze sad. "I want you to promise that you won't leave me alone without punishing me for an injustice like that."

Steve blinked a few times, still not understanding, and I waited until he recovered from his surprise and answered me.

"You wouldn't make me suffer.... Would you?" he questioned, looking into my eyes as if looking there for an answer to his question. His resignedly frightened expression made a few tears well up in my eyes, in a mixture of several feelings. Remorse, pity, anger at myself, wanting to go back in time, wanting to drown myself in that sea right in front of us and get rid of that life that I definitely didn't deserve.

"Never," I whispered, closing my eyes and trying not to cry, but it was somewhat futile.

Two seconds later and my tears were wetting his shirt, just as my arms were hugging him so tightly that I considered hurting him. But as he wrapped his warm arms around me in an almost as tight embrace, I assumed that everything was fine.

Everything would always be fine, as long as I had Steve by my side.

And I didn't need anything else.