***"You always try to hide the pain***
***You always know just what to say***
***I always look the other way***
***I'm blind, I'm blind***
***In your eyes***
***You lie, but I don't let it define you."*** *\- The Weeknd*
***Holden Young***
The bar had an energy I’d always loved. Soft, warm lights, ambient music, murmured voices in the background. It was a place where I could just be myself, away from the flashes and curious stares, and tonight, I wanted to share it with Alissa.
She was sitting across from me, her glass between her hands as her gaze wandered around the room. There was something about her that made me want to protect her, but at the same time, it drew me in with an almost magnetic pull.
“You’re tense,” I commented, smiling.
“You brought me to a place where I don’t know anyone and told me to trust you. How do you expect me to feel?” she replied, raising an eyebrow, though the corner of her mouth lifted in a faint smile.
“Trust me,” I said, leaning my elbows on the table and inclining slightly forward.
“Trust is complicated, Holden,” she said, taking a sip of her drink.
I stayed silent for a moment, letting her words linger between us. I didn’t want to pressure her, but I also wanted her to know I was willing to do whatever it took for her to trust me again.
“You’re afraid I’ll give up, aren’t you?” I asked, watching as her grip on the glass tightened slightly.
“I’m afraid of being a burden to you,” Alissa said, finally lifting her eyes to meet mine.
There was something in her gaze that made me want to reach across the table and hold her, but I held back.
“You’re not a burden. You never were,” I said, my voice lower but full of sincerity. “And even if you were, you’d be the kind I wouldn’t mind carrying.”
She looked away, fiddling absentmindedly with the napkin in front of her.
“I don’t know how you manage to be so… you,” she said, laughing softly at herself.
“I’m like this because you make me want to be,” I replied, my playful tone softening the words.
She looked at me for a moment, and there was something there. Something I couldn’t explain, but that seemed to connect us.
“And the owner here?” she asked suddenly, changing the subject. “You know Sofia pretty well, don’t you?”
I looked away, focusing on the glass in front of me.
“We’re friends,” I replied, trying to sound casual.
“Of course,” she said, but there was a hint of teasing in her voice. “Friends.”
I sighed, smiling. “It was nothing serious. The chemistry wasn’t there.”
“How many times did you have to try to figure that out?” Alissa asked, laughing as she brought her glass to her lips.
I watched her for a moment, fascinated by how she could make me uncomfortable and completely at ease all at once.
“You can tell right away when something doesn’t work,” I replied, moving my hand toward hers on the table.
My fingers lightly touched hers, our skin connecting. I slid my thumb gently, feeling the softness of her hand.
“This kind of thing…” I began, keeping my gaze locked on hers, “*You feel it. It’s like an electric current running through your body.*”
I saw how nervous she became. Her cheeks flushed slightly, and she quickly looked away, calling the waiter to order another drink.
“And you?” I asked, curious. “Have you dated anyone in the meantime?”
She hesitated but eventually answered. “There was a guy. Greg.”
“Greg?” I repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Interesting name.”
“He was like He-Man, but with Bart Simpson’s brain,” she said, making me laugh.
“Something about him attracted you enough to date him, didn’t it? I know you,” I said, pointing a finger at her.
“The six-pack abs helped,” Alissa joked, but then her tone grew serious. “He was kind. Of course, he had his flaws, but he respected all the… limitations I have.”
I felt a pang of guilt hearing that. It wasn’t exactly jealousy, but something close.
“Am I pushing too hard with you?” I asked, my voice low.
She shook her head, and a small smile formed on her lips. “No. You’re doing everything right.”
I smiled too, relieved.
“How about dancing?” I asked, leaning closer to her.
“That, right there, is the limit,” she replied, laughing, but there was something in her eyes—something about the way they sparkled as she looked at the people dancing. I could tell she wanted to.
“I can teach you some moves,” I insisted, standing up and extending my hand to her. That was all it took for her to rise, curiosity evident in her gaze.
“Is it really safe here?” she asked, glancing around.
“A lot of powerful people come here,” I replied, pointing toward the private rooms in the back. “They like to keep things discreet.”
She hesitated but eventually placed her hand in mine. I led her to the small space that served as a dance floor, where a few people swayed to the rhythm of *“In Your Eyes” by The Weeknd.*
I held her hand, keeping a comfortable distance but still close.
“Just follow the rhythm,” I said, smiling. She looked at me as if she wanted to say something but ended up just starting to move, shyly at first.
“You’re doing great,” I said, trying to encourage her. Slowly, she began to loosen up. I stayed attentive, letting her decide how close she wanted to get.
Then, she stepped closer, placing her hands on my arms, her fingers brushing against the skin of my forearms. She seemed to be testing, seeing how far this could go.
And I? I was completely hers. Alissa had me in the palm of her hand.
I let her explore. We kept dancing, the lyrics of the song narrating our story, making the moment feel bigger than the two of us.
*“But I hope you know I mean it when I tell you’re the one that was on my mind, oh,*” I sang out loud as we laughed, holding hands. Alissa’s smile was so wide it made my heart race as I noticed how even more beautiful she looked under those lights.
She slid her hands up to my biceps, then to my nape, intertwining her fingers in my hair. Her nails against my skin sent shivers through me. Her touch was soft but filled with a warmth that drove me crazy. Our eyes met, and it felt like the world had disappeared.
The lyrics of the song seemed to align perfectly with the moment.
Then she leaned in slightly, and I did the same. This was my cue. Our lips met, and the citrus taste of her drink mixed with the sweetness of her saliva. Soft, intense, full of feelings that overflowed through our bodies.
She buried her hands in my hair, pulling me closer with an intensity that made me lose my mind. I had to control how much her touch was making me crave more.
My hands gripped Alissa’s waist, feeling the sliver of exposed skin as her blouse rose with the friction of our bodies.
For the first time in eight years, I felt whole. It was as if we had finally found an answer to something that had been there all along.