Chapter 176 Why are you back?
Sage's POV
Every eye in the room was on me, waiting for my answer about Diego and what had happened in Arizona.
I took a breath and chose my words carefully. What had happened between Diego and me was personal, and I did not owe the entire club every detail of it. But they had taken a hit because of me and they deserved some explanation. They had earned that much.
"Diego is a good man," I started. "One of the best men I've ever met. He was kind and patient and he did everything he could to make me comfortable in Arizona. To make me feel like I was building something real."
The brothers listened silently, their expressions respectful, nobody interrupting.
"But I couldn't be happy there," I continued. "I tried. I genuinely tried to build a life with him and convince myself it was what I wanted. I woke up every morning and told myself today would be different, that today the feelings would start to change. But after a while I realized that wasn't going to happen."
"So what? He asked you to leave?" Snake asked.
"He told me to find my happiness." I felt Ryder's arm tighten around my shoulders, a slow and steady pressure. "He told me he wasn't going to keep me somewhere I didn't want to be. That he wanted more than just a political alliance or a marriage of convenience. He wanted something that could be genuine over time, and when he realized it wasn't going to, he did not pretend otherwise."
"So there was no marriage," Diesel said. More a statement than a question.
"No marriage," I confirmed. "Diego drove me to the airport himself and sent me back to Millbrook. He said I deserved to be where I wanted to be, with the people I wanted to be with. He did not hold it against me. He did not use it as leverage. He just let me go."
"He's a better man than most," one of the older brothers said from somewhere near the back, and several heads nodded in quiet agreement around the room.
"He is," I agreed honestly. "But he wasn't the right man for me."
The brothers seemed to accept this. Some of the tension that had been sitting in the room since Snake asked the question visibly eased. A few looked relieved that there was no marriage, no complicated political debt, and no Vasquez alliance hanging over the club's head that might cost them later.
"Glad you're back," Snake said simply, raising his beer. "This is where you belong."
"Cheers to that," several brothers echoed, and the mood in the room shifted back into a warmer mood.
They moved on to other things, pulling me into the flow of conversation and catching me up on everything that had happened in the two weeks I had been gone. The rebuilding efforts at the clubhouse were ahead of schedule, the contractors having made faster progress than expected after the damage Dante's men had done to the property.
"Federal investigation is wrapping up," Diesel told us, settling into the chair across from us. "Looks like the club is going to be cleared of most charges. Inspector Adams' corruption actually helped our case. They're seeing the club as victims of his manipulation rather than willing participants."
"That's good news," I said, feeling relieved that nobody was likely going to jail.
"Yeah." Diesel's expression turned somber and I wondered why. "We had funerals for the brothers we lost. Six of ours died that night. Their families are being taken care of but it's been hard on everyone. The younger brothers especially. Some of them hadn't seen that kind of loss before."
The guilt hit me low and sudden. I had been so wrapped up in my own pain and my own decisions and the back and forth of my own heart that I had not thought carefully enough about the other people who had bled for what happened that night.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I should have been here for the funerals."
"You were dealing with your own stuff," Snake said. "Nobody blames you for that."
But I blamed myself. Those brothers had died defending my family, defending Jaxon, defending the club from a threat that had come through our door. The least I could have done was be present to honor them. I made a note to myself to visit the families when things settled. That was the least I owed.
The conversations moved and shifted the way they always did in a room full of Steel Wolves, loud and overlapping. Brothers filled me in on club business and asked questions about Arizona that I answered as honestly as I could without going into the details that belonged only to Diego and me. It felt good to be surrounded by this again. The noise of it. The weight of belonging somewhere.
The blood sisters in Arizona had been welcoming and warm. But it had not been the same. This was my home and it could not be replicated somewhere else. I had not fully understood how much I needed it until I had spent two weeks without it.
Ryder stayed close the entire time, his presence steady and constant at my side. Every few minutes he would catch my eye across a conversation and I would smile at him and he would smile back. I would feel again the certainty that coming back had been the correct choice.
Tommy made his way over after about an hour, still wearing the same grin he had had since we walked out of the office. "This is the best thing that's happened to this club in months," he announced, looking between the two of us with obvious satisfaction. "You two together, Sage back here where she belongs. It's about time something went right."
"Thanks, Tommy," I said, hugging him carefully. "How are you feeling?"
"Good as new." He patted his chest where the bullet had gone in. "Just a little sore still but nothing I can't handle. Ryder was way more worried than he needed to be."
"I almost lost you," Ryder said. "I was exactly as worried as I needed to be."
Tommy's grin softened at the edges. "Yeah. I know. But I'm okay now. We're all okay now."
Diesel appeared beside us again with his phone in his hand and an expression that said he had news. "I just got off the phone with the brother staying close to Jaxon at the hospital," he said. "I wanted to give him an update on how things are going here."
My heart jumped. "What did you tell him?"
"That you're back and the club is celebrating," Diesel said. "He wanted to know everything. He asked about you specifically, and wanted to make sure you were okay. He said Jaxon is stronger than yesterday."
Guilt and longing twisted together in my chest. I had not spoken to Jaxon since I left for Arizona. I had not called from Diego's place because I had not known what to say. Because explaining my misery over the phone felt impossible, and I had not wanted him worrying about me from a hospital bed when he was still fighting to recover.
"We've been keeping Jaxon updated on everything," Diesel continued. "Club business, the investigation, the rebuilding. He's been following all of it closely even from in there."
I realized with sudden and complete clarity that I had been putting it off long enough. My brother was lying in a hospital bed and I had been back in Millbrook for hours and he had not heard my voice yet.
"I need to call Jaxon," I said, looking at Ryder. "I need to tell him I'm back."