Chapter 172 Confessions
Sage's POV
I watched Ryder process what I had just said, saw the hope and fear warring on his face in a way he was not even trying to hide. I took a breath, knowing that what I said next would change everything. There was no going back from this confession, no pretending anymore.
"Diego asked me if I was in love with someone else," I said. "And I couldn't lie to him."
Ryder went very still. "What did you tell him?"
"The truth." I met his eyes and held them. "I told him yes. That I was in love with someone else and had been for a long time."
"Sage—" Ryder started to stand but I held up my hand to stop him.
"Let me finish," I said. "I need to tell you all of it."
He sat back down, and I could see the effort it cost him. Every line of his body was taut, like he was holding himself in place by sheer force of will and not entirely succeeding.
"Diego saw it before I even said anything," I continued. "He saw how my entire face changed when your name came up in conversation. Someone would mention Millbrook or the club or ask about Jaxon's recovery, and they would mention you in passing, just your name, nothing more. And Diego saw how I would light up for just a moment before I could stop myself."
"You lit up?" Ryder's voice was barely above a whisper.
"Every time." The tears that had been sitting behind my eyes for the last hour finally started to burn properly. "Every single time someone said your name I couldn't help it. My face would change and I would lean forward like I was desperate for any scrap of news about you. And then I would catch myself and shut it down and force myself back into the role of dutiful bride-to-be. But Diego saw it happen over and over again and he kept that observation to himself and waited."
"Why didn't he say something sooner?" Ryder asked.
"He wanted to give me time," I said. "He thought maybe I just needed to adjust. That maybe if I gave myself a genuine chance to build a new life in Arizona the feelings would fade on their own. He was trying to be fair to both of us." I shook my head slightly. "But they didn't fade."
Ryder leaned forward. "Two weeks isn't that long though."
"Yea. But it was as if I loved you more from afar. I was trying so hard not to think about you." I wiped at my eyes even though the tears had not fallen yet, refusing to let them. "I was trying to convince myself that I could be happy with Diego. That I could build a good life with a good man who had proven he would show up for me, who would never leave me sitting in a waiting room alone. But the harder I tried, the more I realized it was you I kept reaching for in my head. Every quiet moment. Every night. It was always you."
Ryder's hands gripped the arms of his chair so tightly I could hear the leather creaking under the pressure.
"Diego asked me directly about a week ago," I continued. "We were having dinner and he just put down his fork and looked at me across the table with this calm, patient expression. And he asked me plainly. He asked if I was actually in love with you. If that was the real reason I could not find my way to being happy with him no matter how hard I tried."
"What did you say?"
"I said yes." I forced myself to keep looking at him, to not look away from the weight of what I was saying. "I told him I was in love with you. That I had been in love with you for years. That I had tried to stop by moving to Manhattan, putting distance between us, building a life that had nothing to do with Millbrook or the club or any of it. But I could not stop."
"Sage." My name came out broken in a way I had never heard from him before.
"Diego didn't get angry," I said. "He didn't raise his voice or accuse me of leading him on or wasting his time. He just nodded, slowly, like I had finally said out loud the thing he had already known for days and had been waiting on me to get to."
"He's a better man than I am," Ryder said quietly.
"Maybe." I acknowledged it honestly. "But he's not the man I love."
Ryder sucked in a sharp breath.
"I was afraid to tell him the full truth at first because of his earlier threats," I said. "I thought if I admitted how I felt he might use it against you or against Jaxon. But he told me he couldn't keep me when my heart so obviously belonged somewhere else. That holding onto me knowing what he knew would be cruel to both of us."
"So he sent you home." Ryder's voice was thick.
"He sent me back to Millbrook," I said. "He told me to go be with the man I actually loved. He said life was too short to spend it with the wrong person, even if that person was good and kind and safe. That watching Jaxon nearly bleed out on that porch had made him understand that much at least. That none of it was worth wasting."
"He let you go." Ryder was staring at me like he was still waiting for the part where this stopped being real.
"He let me go," I confirmed. "He drove me to the airport himself and he bought the plane ticket for me. He told me if it didn't work out with you, there was always a place in Arizona if I ever needed it. And then he wished me luck and watched me leave."
We sat in silence for a moment. I had said everything I had come here to say. Laid my heart completely bare with no armour and no distance left to hide behind. Now it was up to Ryder.
"You love me," he said finally, like he was testing the words and still not quite sure they would hold. "You're in love with me."
"Yes." There was no point in softening it or qualifying it anymore. "I love you, Ryder. I tried to stop. I tried to fall for Diego instead because it would have been so much easier if I could have. But I couldn't. It has always been you."
Ryder stood up abruptly, his chair scraping hard against the floor. He moved around the desk and I thought he was going to reach for me, but he stopped a few feet away, close enough that I could see exactly what the last two weeks had done to him.
"Do you still love me?" He asked desperately. "After everything that happened? After I failed you when you needed me most? After I let you leave without fighting for you? After weeks of silence? Do you still love me?"