Chapter 161 Scared to see her
Ryder's POV
I told myself I would go see Sage tomorrow.
Then tomorrow came and I found another excuse not to leave Tommy's room.
He needed me. The doctors said he was stable but what if something changed? What if he took a turn for the worse while I was gone? I had seen him stop breathing once already. I could not risk not being there if it happened again.
So I stayed in the chair beside his bed in the Cardiac Care Unit of the hospital and told myself I would go tomorrow. Tomorrow for sure.
But when tomorrow came, I found another excuse.
The club needed updates. The police needed to talk to me about what happened. The brothers too had questions about what happened and what came next.
I handled all of it from Tommy's hospital room, my phone pressed to my ear while I watched my brother sleep.
The truth was that every time I tried to leave, the fear gripped me again. It wrapped around my chest like a vice and made it impossible to walk out that door.
I told myself Sage did not need me anyway. She had Diego and Elena. She had the Blood Sisters crew taking care of everything. What could I offer that they were not already providing?
But deep down, I knew that was just another excuse.
I caught glimpses of her sometimes when I ventured out into the hallway. She was always with Diego or Elena at her side. They looked like they had everything under control. Even though the ceremony didn't hold, it looked pretty obvious they were married. And I told myself that meant I could stay with Tommy without feeling guilty about it.
Except the guilt was eating me alive anyway.
On the fourth day, Tommy woke up for real. Not just fluttering his eyes open for a few seconds, but actually waking up and talking.
"Ryder?" His voice was rough and weak but it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.
"I'm here." I grabbed his hand. "How do you feel?"
"Like I got shot." He tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace. "What happened? Is everyone okay?"
"Dante's dead. The attack is over. The club is safe." I did not mention the casualties. I didn't want to burden him with that yet.
"Sage? Jaxon?"
I hesitated. "I don't know. I haven't checked in since the incident. Jaxon was shot too and Sage has probably been with him."
Tommy's eyes focused on me with more clarity than I expected from someone who had been unconscious for four days. "You haven't checked on them?"
"I couldn't leave you." The excuse sounded weak even to my own ears.
"Ryder, what the hell?" Tommy tried to sit up but winced and fell back against the pillows. "Jaxon got shot too. Sage is probably terrified. And you haven't even called?"
"I was focused on you—"
"I'm fine. I've been fine for days." Tommy's voice was getting stronger, fueled by anger. "Go check on your girlfriend, you idiot."
"She's not my girlfriend." Not anymore, probably. Not after I had abandoned her for four days.
"Then you're an even bigger idiot than I thought." Tommy shook his head. "Get out of this room and go find Sage. Now."
"Tommy—"
"I almost died and the first thing I asked about was whether everyone else was okay. You've been sitting here for four days and you haven't even checked if Jaxon survived surgery." Tommy's disappointment was worse than his anger. "That's not like you. That's not who you are."
He was right. I knew he was right. But the fear still had its claws in me.
"What if something happens while I'm gone?" I asked quietly.
"Then the nurses will call you and you'll come back." Tommy squeezed my hand. "I'm not going anywhere. But Sage might be if you don't get your head out of your ass and go talk to her."
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"Go," Tommy said. "I'll be here when you get back. I promise."
I stood up slowly, my legs unsteady from sitting for so long. Tommy was right. I needed to do this. I needed to stop being a coward and go find Sage.
I made it to the door before the fear tried to pull me back. I gripped the doorframe and forced myself to keep moving.
The hallway seemed longer than it should have been. Every step away from Tommy's room felt wrong, like I was abandoning him even though I knew that was not true.
I passed nurses and doctors, none of them paying attention to me.
I did not know which room Jaxon was in. The only reason I knew he was still alive was because I asked Diesel who had been to see him. Four days and I had not bothered to find out.
What kind of brother did that make me? What kind of man?
I was about to ask someone at the nurses' station when I heard voices coming from one of the waiting rooms. I recognized Elena's accent.
I moved toward the sound and stopped just outside the doorway. I could see them from the spaces between the window blinds
Sage was sitting in one of the chairs, her head in her hands. Diego sat beside her, not touching but close. Elena stood nearby, her phone pressed to her ear as she spoke rapid Spanish.
Sage looked exhausted. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she wore clothes I did not recognize, probably newly bought. Dark circles shadowed her eyes.
I took a step forward, ready to go to her.
Then Diego said something in Spanish and Sage looked up at him. He smiled at her gently and she almost smiled back, and I felt like I was intruding on something private.
I backed away before they could see me. I told myself I would come back later, that I needed to give her space and let her rest.
But I knew those were just more excuses.
I went back to Tommy's room and sat down in the chair, hating myself.
"That was fast," Tommy said, his eyes still closed. "Let me guess, you chickened out."
"She was with Diego. They looked like they were handling things."
"You're a coward." Tommy's voice was flat. "And if you lose her because you're too scared to walk into a room and talk to her, you deserve it."
I did not argue because he was right.
Two more days passed. Tommy got stronger and I stayed by his side. Sage stayed a ghost too.
On the sixth day, Snake came to visit Tommy. He brought flowers from the club and updates about the management of the club activities since the shooting.
"How's Jaxon doing?" Tommy asked him.
"Better. He woke up a few days ago. He's still in ICU but the doctors think he'll pull through." Snake glanced at me. "Sage has been asking for you."
The words hit me like a punch to the gut.
"She has?" I asked.
"Yeah. Every time one of us visits, she asks if we've seen you. If you're okay." Snake looked uncomfortable. "I think she's worried about you, man."
Tommy shot me a look that clearly said I told you so.
"I should go see her," I said.
"Yeah, you should." Snake agreed.
But when Snake left, I realized I may have already lost her through my silence.