Chapter 19.

Chapter 19

~Maya~

My blissful life took a turn towards hell so fast, I couldn’t keep up with it. Although Elijah was still on his knees in front of me, looking at me with worried eyes, my mind wandered to the days where I had no control on so much as the air I breathed in.

*****

*“You like when daddy does that, sweetness?” his hands were on my chest, playing with them and breaking me at the same time.

*I laid idle on the bed as I was instructed to do. So much as a twitch of my finger or a whimper from my lips, I’d be beaten to plump.

*“Daddy’s going to make you feel so good, baby.” He whispered as he sucked on my neck. My lifeless eyes trained on my ceiling counting down the stars my father helped me put up before he left me. Left me to his monster.

*

*****

“Maya” With a rough shake of my shoulders, I was brought to the present. Elijah sat on his hunches in front of me look disturbed by my horrid behaviour.

Shaking my head, I tried to stand up from the corner but the firm grip on my shoulders prevented me to make any move. “Let me go.” My voice hardly above a whisper but he heard.

“You’re not going anywhere.” His eyes taking a hint of determination. “We are going to sit down and talk.” I was shaking my head by the time he finished. I wouldn’t talk about this. Never.

“I need Kyle.” I pleaded. Trying hard to shake myself away from him. I needed my sanctuary right now. To go to someone who would save me from this once again.

“YOU NEED ME.” He suddenly shouted. I cowered back not wanting to be near him right now. “Fuck.” Cursing he stood up. His hands shoved to his hair and he started pacing all over the room.

Looking at him, something came to my mind. I totally forgot to ask the most important question in the chaos of my past. Slowly standing up and wiping my tears from my face. I took a step towards Elijah. He stopped when he saw purpose in my eyes.

“How did you find out?” That question seemed to freeze him completely. His eyes widened with what seemed like a hint of fear and a lot of nervousness.

Stopping a feet from him I shouted “HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?”

He flinched at my tone and anxiously looked around. “Angel.” His voice small but heavy with guilt that instantly sent me on alert.

He closed his eyes in defeat and took a step towards me but instantly stopped when I pressed a hand to his chest. “Why?” my voice must have sounded as defeated to him as it did to me.

“You mean the world to me, Maya. And I couldn’t just stand there and let anything or anyone hurt you.”

“How do you know about what happened to me Elijah?” I had to know.

His eyes widened with what seemed like fear and worry. “I hired an investigator” As soon as those words left his mouth I felt something break inside of me.

“What?” My voice barely a whisper. My legs giving out and I my ass hit the bed I didn’t realize was behind me.

He was with me in a second, kneeling in front of me. “I know that was wrong…”

I cut him off “You said you’d wait. Wait for me to tell you”

“Angel, please.” His pleading mixed with so much regret in his eyes made me soften. But just a tad bit. “I know I said I’d wait but I couldn’t see you like this. Your nightmares, the constant fear in your eyes. I couldn’t let you live like this.”

Taking my face in his hands he pulled my eyes towards him. “I know what I did was wrong. But you can’t be mad at me for protecting you. You are my everything Maya. And I would move heaven and earth to protect you. I love you way too much to let you suffer this way.”

My breath stilled. He loves me.

I looked at him in his eyes which indeed reflected too much adoration and love. How could he love me? After knowing the stuff that happened to me. How? Did he even know everything?

“You love me?” My voice shaking but wanted to know. I needed to.

I was suddenly in his lap, straddling him. He pulled me so close our noses were touching. “I love you more than anything in this world.”

My head started shaking in denial. No one could love a person this damaged. This broken.

My shaking was stilled by his hands “How can you love me?”

His eyes filled with confusion as I stilled my breath. “You don’t get it, do you?”

I tried my hardest not to look at him but he wouldn’t let me run. Not even my eyes. “You had me he second I laid my eyes on you across that bar. You made me want something more than I let any woman give me. You made me want to live after I’ve been living him hell. How could I not love you, Maya? Your past doesn’t mean shit if you don’t let it. I love you the way you are and there’s nothing that would make me change my mind.”

I couldn’t believe this. Any of this. He didn’t know everything. If he did, he wouldn’t be sitting here declaring his undying love for me.

Wrenching myself from him, I stood up taking a few steps away from him. “You don’t know everything. You wouldn’t be saying all this if you knew everything.”

“Then tell me angel.” He stood up to but didn’t come near me. “Tell me everything and see I won’t leave.”

“Where’s Kyle?” I asked. Through the shouting and chaos he should have been here fast enough. Why wasn’t he?

“I send him away. He’s staying with his boyfriend.” Seeing the question in my eyes he continued “I needed to be alone when I talked to you about this.”

“Does he know? That…” I left out. A twinge of betrayal pushed into my heart. Why would he leave me knowing I had to go through this?

“Yes. He knows that I know. You have no idea how grateful I am to him for protecting you.” He said. His eyes earnest and genuine

“He not only protected me but he helped me. Helped me overcome everything I suffered.”

“And I’m so glad he did but now it’s my job. You’re mine. My responsibility. My love.”

Taking a deep breathe, I went and sat on the bed. Needing a minute. A minute to gather myself to what I was about to enclose. I might lose him forever after this but this is something I had to do.

“I was ten when my father died in a car accident leaving me and my mom all alone.” I started, not looking at him but at the wall right in front of me. “My mom wasn’t able to overcome this tragedy and after a few short weeks she went ahead and did every irresponsible thing she could. Drugs, sex, drinking and everything. I was left alone to fend for myself. We had no other family so I had no one to turn to except Kyle who lived next door. His parents were the nicest people one could be.” I smiled a little at the memory of James and Martha. “They offered me food and a place to sleep when my mom bought every new conquests every new day.”

Taking a deep breathe, I took a chance to look at Elijah. His eyes were sad but his jaw clenched. He must have seen something on my face to take a seat beside me. Ever so slowly he took my hand that rested on my lap and placed it on his, interlocking our fingers and giving it a light squeeze encouraging me to go on.

“It went on like this for and year and a half when… when he came in our lives. Jackson.” My face scrunched up in disgust. “He was nice at first. Getting me ice cream, making me food. More and more I started to get attached to him. Felt nice with him. I started to lessen my trips to Kyles and stayed more at my own house. Even my mother started to feel like her old self and that made me like him even more. Those next six months with him were the best regarding the death of my father.” I paused knowing how shitting this next part is going to get.

Elijah must have sensed my turmoil when he squeezed my hand once again. “Take your time baby. I’m right here.”

I turned towards him and saw an encouraging small smile on his lips which I tried to return but it was hard. Hard when I had to relive my past all over again.

Lowering my eyes to our adjoined hands I started again. “It was just after my twelve birthday when my mother started to act like her deranged self again. She hit me and that was the very first time because I by chance broke her favourite vase. Jackson send me to my room but I heard them shout. Shouting turned into my mother loud heart wrenching sobs but I didn’t leave my room. I went to bed and curled up and fell asleep….”

I was suddenly bought back to present by a finger wiping my tears. I hadn’t even realized my face was soaked with them. “Come here angel.” Wrapping his arms around me, Elijah pulled me to his chest and that was the most safe I’ve felt. I couldn’t describe it but it was so nice and surly helped me say the next part.

“I was woken up but a few fingers running in my hair, I turned to find Jackson sitting on the bed beside me looking at me with a weird face. He shushed me when I started to say something. His fingers left my hair and trailed all over my body. I didn’t know what was happening so I stayed still. Not knowing what was going on. He told me not to move an inch and promised he would make everything better. Stupid of me to believe I could ever have a normal life. That even if God took my father from me, he gave me another one to protect me.”

A small humourless laugh left me. How stupid and naïve I was. “You were just kid baby. Nothing that happened was your fault.” Elijah whispered in my hair, his voice soft but his tight body and grip on my armed indicated how angry he was. I knew nothing was my fault. Now after growing up I finally realized what happened to me it wasn’t my fault.

“I know that now Elijah.” A small smile took a place on my face at his world of support. I only wish he was there with me then but I couldn’t be ungrateful because I had Kyle and for that I would forever be grateful.

“He played with me, his finger touching my breast and the rest of my body and when I started to move away he would shush me. Tell me it was okay and it was normal for a father to do this to her daughter.” Elijah was physically shaking right now but I couldn’t stop now. Not anymore. The dam had opened and I won’t stop until everything was out.

“When his fingers entered me for the first time. I screamed then. I screamed for my mom but he put a hand on my mouth to silence me. His eyes suddenly had so much evil and he told me no one would come for me. Telling me he would beat me the way he beat my mom for me. He said I ought to be thankful for defending him from my mother. All he used to do was masturbate and come all over me.” We both were now vibrating. Me with fear and remorse and Elijah with anger and danger.

“He told me if I moved a muscle when he was with me he would do worse than he was doing now. This kept on happening for six months. Not once did he rape me. But he did come to my room every night and violate me. My mom was high on drugs every night and didn’t care about the agony I was going through. It had been days she didn’t leave her room and that had never happened. She never stayed in her room. Always in the living room. Probably something to do with Jackson. He usually bought his friends too. But never were they allowed to come near me. I wasn’t allowed to move a muscle. Just lie down still and accept all this. I wasn’t allowed to go to Kyles or leave the house. One night he saw. Kyle saw what was happening to me through my window when he tried to sneak in.”

“I saw him looking at me. At him violating me and his friends standing by the bed, stroking themselves. The look on Kyles face is still anchored in my mind. The look of pure horror that had never been on his face before. He immediately left the spot and ran to his house telling his dad what he saw. I remember the time when James came barrelling in my room with a look of pure hatred and anger when he was what was actually going on. Behind him were a few cops who immediately took a hold of Jackson and his friends. It was when I was wrapped in a blanket and secured in Martha’s arms, the police came to me telling me about my mom, who overdosed three days ago and was found dead.’ At that Elijah took in a sharp breathe. Probably he didn’t know about her death but that was least of m worries.

I sat up, detangling myself from Elijah’s warm embrace and turn towards him.

“Jackson was send to prison for a life sentence and I was given custody to James and Martha who happily took me in. I remember Kyle holding me every night even when my nightmares exceeded to destroy me. Those three people never gave up on me and for that I’ll be forever in debt of them.”

Wrapping his arms around my waist, Elijah pulled me on his lap, making me straddle him and placed his hands on my cheeks wiping my tears away. “I love you Maya.” I took in sharp breathe at that. “I don’t care what you say or what happened to you…No wait. I do care what happened to you and its taking everything in me to not go there and kill every single one of them who hurt you.”

I wasn’t breathing. I was so tense and still in his embrace not wanting to miss a single word that left his lips. ”And I promise you my angel. There is nothing that would stop me from protecting and loving you. Not even you. I would trample anyone and everyone.” He said with a smile and I was transfixed on it. How could he say all that after everything?

“Now hurry up and tell me you love me too. I don’t have all day.” He said while buffing his nails on his shirt, trying to look nonchalant. How could he possibly be this calm after everything I told him?

“I’m waiting angel.” My lips turned up in a huge smile and a small chuckle left me as he tried to hide his playfulness and appear all serious.

I moved forwards and smashed my lips on his with so much force that he had to lie back taking me with him. “I love you too Elijah” I whispered between our kisses. I did. I loved him with all my heart and knowing he still felt the same after everything he knew about me. That made me feel like I was the queen of cloud nine.

Every day with him made me feel like that. And I would never take this feel for granted. Ever.