Faith.
Dad and I bike Mt. Tam today. The course we chose challenges us, probably less so than introducing Sinjin and Daddy. I shout to Dad who’s about ten yards ahead of me on the trail. “You weren’t nice.”
Dad doesn’t turn around. “I simply behaved as you expected.”
“It was based on your attitude toward me dating! I can’t believe you were reasonable.”
“Are you saying you want me to make him fear me? Make it clear his…”
I’m almost certain he said, “balls need to stay in his pants where they belong,” but the words get lost in the wind.
“Come again?”
Dad shouts, “I’ll continue to be friendly as long as he keeps his pants zipped.”
Time for me to shut the hell up before Dad has a stroke on the mountain.
For breakfast this morning I stopped by Noah’s Bagels. Along with a quart of orange juice and some fresh-cut fruit for us to share as well. I’m trying to find the courage to make this a booty call without a blindfold. Sinjin and I both deserve to make love without qualifiers or training wheels for my self-esteem.
Who knows whether I’m ready for this step? I’m so glad Sinjin was my first. Making love with him was amazing. He’s so damn hot. He did things to me that still make my stomach wobble when I dwell on them. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve been thinking about it as often as possible.
I’m wearing one of my new outfits—jeans and a royal-blue button-down shirt, paired with a black blazer and flat black boots. The blazer helps against the chill, but also helps provide another layer of coverage. Baby steps.
I need to tell him about Dana, too.
His roommate answers the door when I ring the bell. He’s beautiful. His brilliant green eyes shine with humor, and his smile lights his face. “Hello. Are you Faith?”
“Yes. Ty, I presume?” I smile in return.
His grin widens. “Yeah. Come on in. Caleb’s in the shower. Let me help you with those bags.”
He takes the bags from me, and I follow him to the kitchen. “I brought enough bagels to feed an army, or two football players. Will you join us?”
“I’d love to. I’ve heard so much about you. He’ll kill me for telling you this, but for the longest time he called you fantasy girl.”
“Me? Why?”
He raises his eyebrows and looks sideways at me. “Because you’re exactly his type.” He points at the bags. “What do we need for this feast?”
I empty the contents onto the counter. “Plates, glasses, and maybe some bowls for the fruit? We’ll need knives, forks, and a serving spoon.”
He gathers the supplies and arranges them on the counter in front of each barstool. “Tell me about yourself. Caleb says you grew up back east?”
I tell him about Newford being a suburb of Boston while we pour juice, arrange the bagels on a plate, and remove the lids from the shmears.
Ty asks, “You’re friends with Beau Waverly, right?”
“Yes.” I wonder how Ty knows Beau. “Why?”
“He’s been a good friend to me, too. I came out last summer… It’s been a struggle for me—finding my way.” He sighs. “Beau helped me put my parents’ reaction into perspective. Other things I struggle with too.” He wipes his hands on his pants. “Shit. This is probably TMI.”
“No. It’s not, Ty. Have you ever thought about sitting down and talking to someone professional about where your head is at? Sometimes, talking to someone who has access to resources helps.”
“Yeah, Beau’s had some thoughts he’s shared with me.”
I smile. “I’m glad you two are friends. I hope you join us next time we go to Teen Space—great energy. Amazing group of people. And those resources.”
“Yeah, maybe. Beau mentioned it, too. Look, I want to take him to dinner, but I don’t know where to go. What’s his favorite?”
“Phở. Vietnamese food. Take him to Khanh’s Restaurant across from The Row.”
“Thanks.” His smile spreads. “Appreciate it.”
The matchmaker in me wants to squee, but I don’t. The fact they’re friends, maybe more, warms my heart. Two good people making a connection. Like Sinjin and me.
Sinjin wanders into the kitchen and plants a kiss on my lips. “Good morning, gorgeous. Wow, you look seriously great.”
I smile. “Thank you. Congratulations on the win, Sinjin.”
He nods. “Thanks.”
Ty asks, “Sinjin? I smell a story.”
“Keep your nose out of it,” he tells Ty without real heat.
Ty tsk-tsks. “I’ll get Faith to tell me.”
“Later.” I wink at Ty.
Sinjin shakes his head. “What do we have here?”
“Cheddar jalapeño, sesame, Tuscan pesto and in case you two are boring, a few plain thrown in.”
It’s homey to sit with Sinjin and Ty, listening to them razz each other while we eat bagels. I like to stick to one, but every so often I’ll go for another half. Ty and I split a tuscan pesto while he tells me about playing football at De Anza College.
“I’d like to watch you play before the season’s over.”
“Sweet. I’ve got to hustle. I start work in a half hour.” He comes around the counter and gives me a hug. I hug him back.
“Don’t be a stranger. We’ll hang out again when I don’t need to run off.”
I smile. “I’d like that. It was great to finally meet you.”
“Same here, fantasy girl.”
We both glance at Sinjin to see his reaction. He closes his eyes. “Ty, tell me you didn’t.”
He laughs, slaps Sinjin on the shoulder as he walks out of the kitchen. “See ya.”
We shout, “Good-bye” to Ty as he heads out to work.
“I like what you’re wearing. You look professional. And hot. A hot professional.”
“Thanks.” I’m trying to embrace my body, doing my best to appreciate my curves. It will be a long time before I can reach the celebrate stage, but I’m doing my best to move forward by being nicer to myself, in thought and deed.
I wrap my arms around Sinjin and press my lips to his. I lick my way into his mouth and touch his tongue with mine. His hands pull me closer while he deepens the kiss. Desire for this boy, my Sinjin, spreads through my body. My pulse scrambles, and when his erection rubs against my belly, I go damp.
He nibbles my bottom lip, and then rests his forehead against mine. “If we keep this up, I’ll drag you back to my room, caveman-style.”
I make eye contact. “And if I were to say I’d be willing to go with you?”
“I’ll say thank you, Jesus. Then grab hold of you before you change your mind.”
That’s exactly what he does. He lifts me and I wrap my legs around his waist while he strides into his bedroom. It’s almost depraved being with a guy who is strong enough to carry me without breaking a sweat or his back. He kicks the door closed and places me on the bed.
“Okay, Ms. Lacerna, tell me how it’s going to be. This time I’m your personal servant.”
He unhooks his belt, slides it out of the loops, and drops it to the floor. The move is casually sexy, but I melt into a puddle of lust. Next, he pulls his T-shirt off, lets it fall. Then a look of panic crosses his face. “Oh shit. Where did I put that blindfold?”
He dives for his nightstand, nearly pulling the drawer all the way out in his hurry. I smile to myself. I trust him with my heart and my body.
He mutters obscenities.
“Sinjin, you don’t need it.”
“Maybe it’s under the bed?” He lifts the bed skirt. Goes still. “What?”
“Come here,” I say as he crosses the space between us. I cradle his face in my hands. “You don’t need to wear a blindfold, but the fact that you would makes me trust you even more.”
I kiss his lips, pulling his lower lip into my mouth. I swipe his lip with my tongue. “Will you undress me? I’m not sure I can manage the buttons on my own.”
I drop my hands from his face and hold them out between us. They’re shaking. He takes my hands in his and raises one then the other to place a quick kiss on the knuckles of each hand. “What’s your hurry? We can manage some fully clothed heavy petting long enough for your hands to stop shaking.”
“Deal. Can you help me with my jacket before we commence with the petting zoo?”
He barks out a laugh. “This is why I’m with you, Lacerna. Petting zoo? Apt. You bring out the animal in me.”
He helps me take off my jacket. Instead of flinging it to the ground, he hangs it over the back of his chair. “Do you want rules? Like no touching below the neck?”
I fall deeper in love every minute I spend with Sinjin. “The point of heavy petting is to drive each other crazy. Right?”
He smiles wickedly. “A challenge? Ms. Lacerna, I accept.”
I sit on the bed and crook my index finger at him to come hither. He crosses the room and kneels between my legs. He moves his hands behind my head and removes the band from my ponytail. He’s careful not to pull my hair. He takes the band and pulls it onto his wrist. His gaze meets mine. “Now I have something of yours. Every time I see it on my wrist, I’ll think of you.”
I’ve never been romanced before. His gesture causes my nerve endings to fizz and tingle. I reach for him, placing my hands on his shoulders and lean in. I brush my lips against his. “Caleb.”
I say his name and nothing more, because if I keep speaking, I’ll blurt that I love him. I can’t say it without hearing them from Sinjin first because I may never hear them. He may not feel that way about me. I’m just going to feel the power of them for now and bury them deep in my heart. Show him how much I care with actions, not words.
His throat becomes my focus. I lower my lips and press my mouth against his skin under his ear. His pulse throbs against my lips, and its beat matches my own. He flips me onto my back. “I’m just going to take off your boots.”
He removes them, dropping them to the floor. “Scoot back—I want you to be comfortable while I drive you crazy.”
“Maybe I’ll be driving you out of your mind, Sinjin.” I move backward on the bed.
He climbs on after me. “Every time I look at you, or spend time with you, I’m there. Now lie back.”
Sinjin turns his head. Just our lips meet. “I want you on top of me. I like the feel of your body, the way your soft curves press into mine.”
He pulls me on top of him, full length. His hands wrap around my back, follow my spine down to settle on my butt. “You have no idea how much you turn me on.”
He’s rubbing circles on my butt, exploring with his hands while his gaze holds mine. I press my pelvis against his, and he groans. “God, Faith.”
I graze his nipple with my lips. I want to drive him crazy. I want to fill him with the same need he infuses in me. I slide lower to taste the skin just above his waistband. I use my tongue to lick along his skin from hip to hip.
“My turn.” He flips me to my back.
He holds my hands over my head. Sinjin leans down to nibble on the lobe of my ear. My skin shrinks, and my body pulls tight. My stomach dips, and my nipples contract.
“When I get you naked I’m going to taste every inch of you.”
Yes, please. I want to say it. But the words back up in my throat. What he does to me feels so good. I really want to have sex with Sinjin without the blindfold. I can’t continue to hold on to my fears. Sinjin will not hurt me. He’s not with me to win a bet.
“Faith, stay with me.” He nibbles my chin, scraping his teeth in a featherlight touch down my throat. “Don’t worry about this. If you change your mind, we’ll deal with it. I want to be with you.”
I need to prove to myself I can do this. I need to show him that he’s earned my trust. “Sinjin, look at me.”
His gaze meets mine.
“I want to be with you, too. Take my clothes off.”
He leans down and kisses me. His lips are soft and probing. “Now you’ve made my hands shake.”
Sinjin leans back, keeping his weight off me while sitting on his knees. He works the buttons free, paying attention to the task at hand. He spreads open my shirt when the final button is undone. I’m not freaking out. I’m simply anticipating what will happen next.
He gazes at my exposed torso. His hands hover over my bra, and then settle on me. Fingers splay over the tops, and his palms cradle their weight. I love him. Sharing my body with him feels right. He leans down and uses his tongue to trace a path from the skin just above my left breast over to my right.
“You’re more beautiful than my imagination, Faith. This is probably too soon to say, but I’m falling in love with you.”
Those words. I’m stunned he said them. I’m staggered he feels the same way about me. I take his face in my hands. “Caleb, I’m falling in love with you, too.”