Caleb.
I sent a text to Faith to let her know I just parked in the garage at The Row. She replied with a kiss-face emoji. Nice.
It’s late, and the five-hour flight back from Honolulu was rough with air pockets. Every time I started to nod off, the plane would drop or shake and I couldn’t sleep. I’m exhausted, despite being pumped from our win. Faith and I will see each other tomorrow morning. Tonight, I look forward to climbing into my own bed and sleeping for the next several hours.
I get off the elevator and turn left for the condo. The strap of my duffel bag hangs crossways around my neck and bounces against my legs as I walk. I’m hungry, but I’m too tired to nuke something. I want to take a quick shower and jump into bed. Those two things are on my mind when I notice Dad sitting on the floor next to my door.
Fuck.
Him, I don’t need right now. “What are you doing here?”
When he stands, the dual crack of his knees sounds off as he straightens. “I was hoping to catch you. Have a conversation.”
“Now is not a good time.” I insert my key into the dead bolt.
He lifts his palms. “Okay, Son. If not now, when? You send all my calls straight to voice mail.”
I look over my shoulder at Dad. The man I used to idolize. He looks haggard. “I can’t do this now. Do you have any idea what you put us through? If you wanted out of your marriage, you should have just left Mom.”
“I didn’t want out,” he pleads.
I push against the door because I won’t be able to avoid him any longer, and I don’t want to hash this bullshit out in the hallway. “For fuck’s sake, Dad, what did you want? A damned blow job?” I pull the duffel strap off my neck and dump my bag to the floor. My back is still turned. “Congratulations, now we both know Dana has questionable morals and a great mouth.”
He spins me to face him. “I deserve that comment. I can’t be sorrier for my actions. I know you don’t believe me, but not a day goes by where I don’t wish I’ll wake up and realize this was all a nightmare.”
I can’t find a way to forgive him yet. “If you keep pushing me, we’ll never have a relationship.”
“Caleb, when I turned forty-seven last April, I kept thinking about the fact I am now older than my dad when he died.”
He grabs my shoulder, not in a hurtful way, but to get my attention.
“I was in school at the University of Arizona when he died. When your grandma found him slumped on the floor of the garage. God. What the hell was I supposed to do? He’d never been sick. Never.”
He makes eye contact with me. I’ve heard this story. The fact my grandpa died at forty-six didn’t occur to me before, but it must have had a huge impact on Dad. I can see it in his eyes. The old me would have said anything to comfort him. I ignore the impulse and step away.
His hand drops to his sides and he says, “Something’s been off inside me even before summer began, and Dana started making excuses to come inside my office. One minute I’d think she’s a cute kid, no sexual vibe whatsoever, and the next thing I know she’s got her face in my lap.”
Stomach acid rises to touch the back of my tongue, and I swallow it down. Enough. I don’t want to have that mental image to reboot. “Stop. I was there. I don’t want the instant replay.”
“Caleb, I missed the opportunity to say no and avoid this catastrophe because I wasn’t paying attention. I’ve looked back and saw where I could have ordered her to stop dropping in, but I didn’t. I ignored my instincts. One moment of inertia destroyed my life.” He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Son, oh Jesus, I’m sorry.”
He meets my gaze, and his eyes have a suspicious sheen in them. That tops it. He’s almost crying. The last time I saw Dad cry was at Grandma’s funeral. I was eight.
“I’ve fucked up so bad. I can’t figure out how to do the right thing. Fucking mid-life crisis. I should have bought a Lamborghini or screamed at her to get out when I had the chance.”
The last thing I’ll tell him is that this is okay. It’s not. What happened to our family was avoidable and his fucking fault. I’m decades away from forgiveness. “You already own a Porsche.” His betrayal cuts too deep. I’m too fucking raw inside. “Dad, I can’t do this with you. I can’t have a conversation where the words fuck and off aren’t at the forefront of my thoughts. Will you just go?”
“Son, I’m sorry I hurt you and your mom. I can’t even explain myself. No reason and no amount of apologizing that can make this go away. Will you please let me know when you’re ready to talk again? I’ve lost your mother forever. I can’t lose you, too.”
I want to yell that he should have thought about that before he unzipped his pants, but the deed is done. No going back, only forward. “I need time. Give me the space to come to terms with what you did.”
“Don’t make me wait much longer.”
I don’t answer him. The door closes behind him. I drop to the floor and rake my hands through my hair. Resist the urge to pull out handfuls. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I take it out and read another text from Faith. Two words: missed you.
I need to hear her voice. She picks up my call on the first ring.
“Sinjin, this is a surprise.”
“Faith, it’s late, and I probably shouldn’t have called.”
“Yes, you should. What’s wrong?”
I pick up my duffel and head to my bedroom. “My dad was on my doorstep when I came home.”
Her voice sounds cautious. “I’m sorry, Caleb. That must have been a brutal surprise.”
Just hearing her voice calms me. Because she gets me. I don’t bother with the lights and drop down on my bed. I like hearing her voice in my ear in the dark. “Totally. How did the meet with your mom go?”
She sighs. “She wants to have another baby. I can’t even think about it right now. Tell me about your run-in with your dad.”
I tell her about finding him on my doorstep, about his sorrow and his desire to make amends.
She asks me, “Will you tell your mom about this?”
“No, she doesn’t need to know. She’ll worry, and she’s had to deal with enough crap over the past few months.”
“Right? Still, I’m sorry you had to deal with this tonight. My friend Kirsty’s mom just had a cancer scare.” She pauses. “They’re close. As tight as I am with my dad. As tight as I assume you were with yours.”
I don’t want to hear Faith pushing me toward Dad, too. “I’m sorry for your friend. Since you said scare, I assume everything’s okay?”
“Yes.” She takes a breath. “Sinjin, it’s none of my business. I’ll just say this once, but maybe you should consider forgiving your dad. Maybe not today but think about it. He lost his wife. His son now shuts him out. My dad would die if we weren’t speaking. But I’m on your side, regardless.”
I know she means well, but I need to change the subject, before I start yelling at her to shut the hell up. “Why does your mom want to have another baby?”
“She wants a chance to do the mommy thing on her own. Her words. And she wants me to contribute to her mother-daughter self-help book. She wants me to tell the world how she helped me overcome my issues.”
“That’s fucked up.”
She laughs. “I told her no thanks. You should have been here to watch my dad lose his mind when I told him earlier.”
“Since I haven’t met him, I’ll make do with my imagination.”
Faith takes a deep breath. Then hiccups. I know it’s nerves, but it surprises me when she says, “Fine. Let’s do this.”
“What are you talking about?”
Her breath hitches again, and I grind my teeth. I want her to invite me to meet her dad. She has to say the words. Damn it, I’ve waited long enough. Prince Charming had to kiss Snow White. Big Deal. I’ve had to climb Faith’s trust wall, which is as tall as a mountain, smooth as glass, and booby-trapped.
“Sinjin, I’d like…” Hic. “You to meet…” Hic. “My dad.”
My smile spreads. Finally. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Sinjin?” Hic.
“Yes.”
“Kiss my ass.”
“It will be my pleasure. You have a kissable ass, Ms. Lacerna. Do you still want me to come over tomorrow morning?”
“Yes.”
I finish showering, and glance at the time. It’s midnight and I’m wide awake. I head into the kitchen to grab something to eat, hoping we have burritos left in the freezer for easy nuking. I really don’t feel like cooking and then having to clean up afterward. I step through the archway and see Ty at the stove scrambling eggs. “Hey Caleb, I heard you in the shower. I’m making enough for us both.”
“Thanks man, I’m starving.”
“You look a little rough. You get hurt during the game?”
Ty has the ability to sense when things are off with me. “Nah, just the normal crap.”
“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Ty serves me scrambled eggs while we talk about what happened when Dad showed up. One part of me wants to just say to hell with it, I don’t need him in my life. The other part of me keeps considering what Faith said and longs for the days before I walked into his office and found him with Dana.
Ty takes a breath. “I’ve got to say that not having my parents in my life is fucked up. I miss them. It’s easy to think fuck you if you can’t understand what you did to me. But they’re my family, and they’ll never be a part of my life again.” Ty pushes the eggs around his plate with a fork. “There’s a hole in me. You’re right, you need time, and there’s no doubt your old man fucked up. Bad. Think on it some more. Maybe you can try to forgive him, even though you probably won’t forget what you saw.”
“I wish he wasn’t pushing me about this. Why can’t he fucking get that leaving me alone is the best way to help it all blow over?” I shovel eggs into my mouth and swallow.
Ty makes eye contact. “Your dad isn’t known for his patience. And I don’t think distance will dull your memory.”
I nod. True. On both counts. Dad is not patient. And I can’t get the image of Dana going down on him out of my mind. The hurt on my mom’s face is permanently inked on my brain, too.
“He hurt Mom, Ty. Hurt her bad.”
Ty scoops up more eggs. “He did. Your mom is the best woman I know. She didn’t deserve it, and neither did you.”
We clean off our plates in silence. Ty stands and carries our plates to the sink. “I got a drunk text from Grace earlier. I called her back.”
Oh shit. Ty’s ex-girlfriend. Ty broke up with her before he came out to his parents. At the time, Grace didn’t know about Ty. Still doesn’t, as far as I know. He didn’t want his ex to think she was a portal he’d explored then emerged from to claim his sexuality. “What happened?”
“Grace came home from a party and was still feeling the effects of the four shots she slammed in an hour and at the chatty stage of being wasted. Said she called to rip me a new one. Grace admitted to making out with this guy who she said ‘launched a full-scale strategic assault on her with the sole purpose of getting her to say yes to a date.’”
“I miss that girl.”
He smiles. “So do I.” He glances at me. “I came out to her.”
“How did she take the news?”
“She was relieved. We spoke for two hours. Once she got past the idea she turned me off women and realized our relationship was real to me.”
“Did she believe you?”
“Yes. I told her I’m tempted to visit Duke University and beat the shit out of this guy, even though we aren’t together anymore.” He looks away. “We’re going to stay in touch now.”
“That’s awesome, Ty.”
“Yeah, I’m relieved that worked out. I’ve had to say good-bye to too many people lately. It was nice to get Grace back.”
That statement resonates with me, too, but I’ll think about that later. Now I need to climb into bed before I collapse.
“Nice. Text me your schedule for the week, I’d like to introduce you to Faith.”
“I get to meet fantasy girl?”
“About time, don’t you think?”
“Hell yes. You convinced yourself you were in love with Dana. With this one? No question in my mind you’re already there.”
It doesn’t surprise me that Ty can see right through me. “Guilty.”
The next afternoon, I ring the bell at Faith’s condo. Now that I’m about to meet Mr. Lacerna, I regret pushing her for the introduction. Khaki-colored pants and a navy-colored button-down shirt were my choice in wardrobe for the day. I opted to wear black loafers instead of Nikes. My palms sweat, and the contents in my stomach curdle. Mouthwash wore off five seconds after I spit it out. Shit.
Faith answers the door wearing a Billy Idol White Wedding sweatshirt. Ha! Funny. Oh God, I hope she’s being ironic. Add cold sweat breaking out underneath my collar to the list of complaints.
“Caleb, come in. Dad’s waiting.”
I swallow. Her words sound ominous. Formal. Not using my nickname. Blank face. I don’t know if she’s messing with me or not. In her place, I might do the same. Faith met Mom without me. Damn. As we walk into the living room, I’m trying to remember why this was so freaking important to me.
Her dad wears a suit. Shit. I own a suit. Why didn’t I wear mine? I wipe my hands on my pants on the sly and close the distance between us. He looks like an Italian actor. Handsome, ethnic, with dark hair. Classy and powerful, not afraid to put a gun to your forehead and pull the trigger.
I extend my hand. “Good morning, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
He takes my hand in his—firm grip, punishing hold. Ouch. I need that hand to carry the football. He stares into my eyes as though he can find answers to the universe in their depths. More specifically, the answer as to whether or not Faith and I are sexually active. Shit. My right eyelid starts to tic. A sure sign of distress. Dad would know I’m trying to hide something. Don’t think about him now.
Hers asks, “Are you a legal adult?”
Does he think I’m younger than Faith? “Yes, sir.”
“Good. I won’t get arrested for felony child endangerment. Follow me.”
I hope to God he’s joking. Faith throws her hands in the air and asks, “Daddy, where are you taking him?”
“Faith Marie Lacerna, I plan to get to know your friend.”
I’m nervous and can’t stop the snicker. I ask, “Your initials are F-M-L?”
“Screwed at birth. I blame him.” She points to her dad. “Basta, Daddy. I’ll wait here.”
Daddy turns his beady-eyed glare on me. Shit. He walks down the hall without glancing over his shoulder to check if I’m following. A man used to underlings obeying his commands.
Faith says, “You asked for this.”
And blesses me with the sign of the cross.
Catholic humor.
I straighten my spine and follow her dad down the hall and into a spare bedroom he’s converted to office space. Leather seats, latest iMac on the mahogany desk. A poster-sized picture of Faith and Mr. Lacerna in front of Fenway Park graces the wall behind him.
“Sit.”
I collapse into the chair he indicated. I don’t know why I’m freaking out with Mr. Lacerna. Under normal circumstances I do well with parents. But Faith is important, and this meet became my Holy Grail.
He’s staring at me with those dark eyes. Like a shark. Then he smiles. Like a shark. All teeth. Three rows, if I’m not mistaken. And I can’t stop myself from swallowing the saliva that pools in my mouth.
He sits. His massive mahogany desk separates us. “Young man.”
“Please call me Caleb, sir.” I straighten in my chair.
His left eyebrow lifts independent of his right. Now I know where Faith learned it. I shouldn’t have interrupted. Shit. His jaw clenches, he points his index finger at me, and begins again.
“Young man. My daughter is the single most important person in my life. I don’t want to see her treated poorly, or worse hurt.”
“No, sir. I wouldn’t hurt her. She’s smart, sarcastic and…” I almost said sexy. Holy shit. I’ve got to watch my words.
“And?”
“Magnificent.” Bad word. His jaw clenches and his nostrils flare. I search for words that will not describe Faith’s hotness factor. My face heats because I’m sure he can read my mind.
“Don’t ever make my daughter cry. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I’m not certain you do.”
Christ. Like I don’t already get that meeting him was a bad idea? I nod.
“I want only the best for my little girl.”
He shoots me a look that clearly shows I’m not it. I’ve never felt compelled to tell anyone I’m an Eagle Scout, but I want to tell Faith’s dad. Then I realize, he wouldn’t give a damn.
“She’s a good girl. She deserves your respect and your courtesy.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You handled that well. You’re good under pressure,” he says his voice friendly.
What the hell? “Sir?”
“I couldn’t resist threatening you in front of Faith.” He smiles. “She expected me to lose it with you. I decided a bit of drama was in order today, Caleb. I don’t like disappointing her.” He points at me. “Judging by your expression, you’re not sure how to respond.”
I blurt. “I’m an Eagle Scout.” And my face burns.
He nods with approval. “You should have worked that in earlier while I was intimidating you. Live and learn, son.”