Chapter 42 : Rosella...

Shock leaves me frozen.

My mind goes blank for a moment, eyes drifting between the black strip of cloth lying on the floor and Adrian's cold, empty expression.

*He's kidding, right? Why would he make me pick that up using my teeth? He doesn't think of me like his trained pet or something… or does he?*

I curse my own legs for going weak on me at the worst time possible. I can't even stand to think about the reason why I'm in this state right now. Just the thought of the passionate kiss we shared… how wrong and dirty it felt… gives me chills.

And the worst thing about it is that I don't hate it. I can't hate it… because of how my body responded to that level of stimulation. *Am I overanalyzing things again…?* And how can't I? This has never happened to me before.

I'd never felt like I would die if he stepped away from me then. My chest still feels so tight; I want him near me. No, no I *need* him right now. I don't know what it is that I need… but I and my body knows this much that only he can help me with this insanity.

My fingers keep rushing back to feel my wet lips. I can't stop squeezing my thighs together. There's something seriously wrong with my body… how could a single kiss make me feel like I've been starving for days… for something really dangerous… something that can destroy me, something that I can seriously get addicted to.

I truly regret my decision now. *But what can I possibly do?* It doesn't even seem like Adrian is anywhere near done with me…

But apart from all these problems, here is this one… and he's still waiting for me to oblige. *How long has it been?* Five minutes? Ten minutes? I have no idea and this is going nowhere. *Should l tell him off…?*

*No, I can't do that.* I promised I'd trust him. If I backed out this time, it'd surely be the end of our relationship that never even started. *But I don't wanna do this!* Maybe I should just tell him that and let him decide how to go about it… or I can push him to back out first...

I muster up some courage and clear my throat to speak as smoothly and calmly as I possibly can in this situation. “Adrian, is this your way of telling me that you do take pleasure in hurting women…? Is this your answer? Will I understand you better if I fetch that strip for you like a well trained animal? Hmm?”

I wait to see his face crack, so that I can see his real feelings and get myself out of this tight spot. I know he'd never make me do it, if I tell him I'm really not comfortable… but I start to second guess myself when nothing happens.

“Adrian…?” I scoot back, my legs suddenly feeling more cold than weak.

“You're really out to test me tonight, aren't you?” He mutters under his breath, but loud enough for me to catch it. Dragging his hand through his hair, he closes his eyes for a moment and I take my first deep breath since he kissed. After contemplating something, he bows his head with a deep sigh then picks up the blindfold himself and gets up on his feet. “I should have known this would never be enough. You're just too fucking much for a poor guy like me.”

Wait, was that self-pity I just detected in his voice and words!?

I watch him quietly stuff the blindfold in his back pocket, then approach me in four confident strides. I have to look up at him through my eyelashes, with my head tilted all the way back… that's how close he comes to hover over me.

“You know what? I'm tired of just getting angry and running away, Pearl. I'm seriously sick of pretending my emotions affect my decisions, and that I can't take from you whatever I want, whenever I want.” When Adrian offers me his hand to help me up, I don't think twice before placing my hand in his.

Because this time, I don't see kindness or compassion in his electric gaze. There's a challenge, and if I didn't do as he wanted, he'd have no qualms about showing me how far he can go to make me do it.

I'm only now realising that it was never me. He never responded to me. He was simply being overly generous, and as to why… I still have to figure that out.

But right now, I'm truly terrified about what's to come.

Once I'm on my feet and stable, he continues to grip my hand firmly and walks me towards the opposite end of the room where a huge mat covers the concrete floor. He toes off his shoes right before stepping on the mat, but stops me when I try to follow him.

“Uh-uh. What's the rush? You haven't even stripped yet.” He smirks, pushing me back with a finger in the middle of my chest.

“I have to do what now? Can you please stop with all this weird bullshit? You're creeping me out.” My breathing hitches as I try to enter his space. And he stops me yet again.

His smirk disappears in an instant, his eyes losing their sparkle, replaced by that terrifying intensity that makes me burn everywhere his gaze lands on my body, like he can see not only through my clothes, but can also peer deep inside my soul.

“So, you find this creepy, huh? That's how you really feel? Then why bother giving me a chance?” He rubs the back of his neck and sighs heavily, rolling his shoulder as if feeling restless for some reason. “But… I guess it's not really your fault.”

“Stop talking in riddles. Just say it. I can take it.” I clench my fists, preparing myself for… something. I don't know what it is, but I think he's going to reveal something really big. But it won't really be that big for me, because I've already realised that Adrian has gotten tired of my ignorance.

I admit that it has always been easy to play the victim. But I never did it on purpose… he just went along with it. He never truly tried to dominate me, as he claimed to do. I always felt his restraints tightening around his neck whenever I let go of all my emotions and simply gave into my instincts. Instincts that told me to put myself first.

I realised it when he spilled his gut in the dining room, or maybe even before that. I felt it deep in my conscience. He wanted us to be on equal footing before we started anything. He has always been considerate about my comfort level with him, the amount of trust I put in him. No wonder he never pushed me. He must have sensed my distrust every single time I pushed him down, while watching from the edge, never falling with him.

*I should be ashamed…* and yet I'm not.

Hell, I still feel like I did nothing wrong...

Adrian takes a few steps forward, then stops. Regarding me with unreadable eyes, he folds his arms over his chest, his tense shoulders relaxing for some reason. “Huh, so you already know I'm fed up with holding back, correct?”

*You're always correct about me, Adrian. I'm a damned coward.* I avoid his gaze.

“The dejected look on your face is telling me you've known it for a while now. Or is it something else…?”

“I know. I've always known. I just couldn't accept it. I still can't… you're too soft on me for your own sake.” My shaking voice trails off near the end of my sentence and I struggle to hold in a new surge of emotions that make my eyes prickle.

“I just gave you an excuse to get out of here, but you chose to tell me the truth. Have you finally decided to stop hiding behind me? Are you going to face yourself now?” His voice remains calm and leveled, not even a hint of emotion touches my ears. And somehow that makes my chest ache so badly, I have to rub over the spot.

But I still can't let go of one thing… “Are you going to give me a straight answer or not?”

He remains silent for a long time, studying me in his own freaky way, always knowing what I want or don't want to hear. I fidget in my position, feeling more vulnerable than I'd ever felt before. *How long is he going to hold out on me…?*

“You want a straight answer, fine. But first, strip and get on the mat. Or you can refuse and I can help you out of your cute clothes while I give you your answer. The choice is up to you to make. If you're on the mat, naked, in the next ten minutes, then we'll take it slow and easy. If not… then, I'll really have to get into my role and take things more seriously.”

*That means he'll be rough with me, probably manhandle me…* but I'm still not sure what that entails. *Will he just rip off my clothes? Will he go further? What will he do to me exactly? Will it hurt? Will it turn me on, like all the times I've shamelessly pushed him away in the heat of the moment?* I've never hated my inexperience as much as I do right now. If only there was a way to do this… that could be learned or practiced…

“Your five minutes are up.” His cool voice startles me, cruelly dragging me out of my head.

“Already? But it's too soon. Give me more time!” I panic, looking around the cold room filled with torture tools and hoping for a solution to present itself to me.

“No. Four minutes.” His eyes regain their blue spark, making me falter. “You really need to stop being so indecisive. It drives me crazy, knowing I can snap away all your uneasiness and make you all mine so easily. Are you going to make it that easy for me now? After making me suffer all this time, letting me take all the blame and be the bad guy?”

“I never asked you to be the bad guy.”

“But you sure treated me like one. And didn't that turn you on?”

“Stop, please just stop this insanity. Can't we do it like normal people?”

“You were the one who asked me to show you what I really want from you and how much I can give you. Are you going back on your words already? I warned you. I don't have any idea what I'm doing. I told you to keep your wits about yourself, and that I'd stop at nothing. Or have you forgotten already?”

“I remember. But this is not how I imagined it to go…”

“Well, too bad then. Times up. Let's play!”

“No! You're cheating. I ought to have a few more minutes left to spare.”

“Yes, you still have four minutes. But what's the point? You're not gonna do it yourself anyway. Just take what I'm giving you. This way you can forget all about this later and tell yourself that I cheated you and forced you to do it my way before the time was up. Isn't that how we've been doing things so far?”

I panic, stumbling in my haste to get away when he grabs the hem of my sweater. As soon as I regain my footing, he flings the sweater up, compelling me to raise my arms despite my unwillingness, and takes it off of me.

“Mmph! Stop it! I don't want you to be the bad guy. Please don't do this—”

“I said too bad, Pearl. It's too late to make up your mind now.” He sounds pissed. Not calm or cold. Just plain mad and crazed as he drops to his knees and unbuttons my jeans, pulling them off with my underwear.

“Adrian, please… ugh! I'm sorry.” I try to cover myself as best as I can with my hands. There's nothing left but a flimsy black bra doing nothing but covering my nipples.

I become more flustered when I realise my nipples are already hard and swollen, puckering out as if begging to be tormented. My trembling intensifies as humiliation takes me hostage and I fold into myself.

“Stop resisting, Pearl. This is fucking futile. You're just riling me up.” His heavy breathing pierces through my haze, forcing me to focus on his lips as he shifts closer and closer. “I admit. Pain turns me on. But not just anyone's and not only in a physical way. It's hard to explain. But if you let me, I can show you. I truly believe you'll want me to show you over and over again once you get a taste of it. I promise it won't be like the last time. I promise to stay with you through everything, until you beg me to stop.”

“Stop then! I'm begging right now.” I yell at him, unable to hold back anymore.

Tears pour down my cheeks, loud hiccups steal my breath as I quiver in the cage of his electric gaze that hasn't stopped raking all over me with such intensity… I feel like I'm going to melt away.

“I can't, Pearl. I want you too much to stop now. So, just give in this once.” The defeat in his voice and the desperation in his actions… oddly enough… excite me more than they terrify me once I'm locked in his strong arms, helpless in every possible way.

He's losing it. I can see it in his frantic eyes as he drags me to the wall at the end of the room, shrouded in shadows for me to be unable to make out anything around me. He forces me to stand facing the wall. I don't resist. I continue to sob quietly, my eyes an unending source of salty moisture.

“Don't cry, Pearl. Get yourself together, or I won't be able to distinguish between your distress and desire later on.” He leans against my back, only his hips grinding against my ass propped up for him. His hand on the spine keeps pushing me down, forcing me to hollow out my back so that he can rub his cock right between my bottom cheeks.

A deep moan escapes from the back of my throat. I quickly cover up my mouth.

But I was too late; the next words from his mouth truly leave me shaking to my very bones.

“I know you'll do anything I want as long as I force you into it, right? I just have to do it before you can think about it. Right, Pearl?” His rough voice and hot breath attack my exposed back, his teeth pulling at the flimsy strings of my bra that I barely managed to hold onto. “Well, don't worry. I'm gonna make you mine tonight, no matter if you end up never wanting to come back to me again. It'll be for the best, anyway. At least, I'll have this satisfaction that no other man will ever be enough for you, except for me.”