Chapter 26 : Now I Deny If...

***Rosella...***

Instead of being excited, I feel nauseous. My nerves have failed to keep up with all this travelling done in the single span of 24 hours.

After being airborne for what it felt like days, we finally touch ground in the middle of the night. Through the small square window, I can see the glowing entrance/exit of the private hangar and the clouds looming not far above, blocking off the glistening moon and twinkling stars as they trudge by in one of the darkest nights I've ever seen. There's something different about tonight; it seems more dangerous and scaringly murky.

Neon lights of the front terminal beckon me to return to the world I've tried so many times to run away from and failed every single time.

*Guess what?* I failed this time too.

Are you surprised?

*I'm not.*

Flexing my fingers, I snuggle deeper into the leather warmed by my body heat and listen to the screaming silence of the wind swaying the British flags outside. I am wide awake, even after traveling so much in a single day. Though I can't say the same for my emotional state. My anxiety may be keeping the exhaustion at bay, but the results of being in a constant state of emotional flux is clear in the heaviness I feel in my eyelids.

I know I am done for when my limbs refuse to leave the safety of the cabin, even when the pilot comes out and tells me that he'll be ready with the car to take me back in 30 minutes.

*30 minutes, means I have 1,800 seconds to prepare myself for what comes next.*

I have half an hour to do whatever I want, with no supervision to keep me and my thoughts in check. I hadn't realised how much the people around me affected me subconsciously and molded my thoughts until now, when I'm all alone, in every sense of the word.

If you're wondering about Mason, then I'm more than happy to tell you that he couldn't fly back with me. He had to attend the council meeting. If he had skipped this time and came with me, the council members would have certainly kicked him out.

Anyhow, I did my best to convince him that I'd behave and return to Adrian. But there was no denying by his persistence that he didn't trust me in the least bit.

I don't blame him.

His distrust in me wasn't uncalled for.

I'd started to have second thoughts as soon as I climbed abroad with no one but an old pilot, who would stay locked up in the cockpit for the rest of the flight.

*What does it represent? Is my love for Adrian not strong enough… not real enough that I'm already thinking about the alternative I should have thought about in the beginning only?*

You know what alternative I've been thinking about? *Escape.*

That's the first thing that came into my mind when with resignation, Mason walked away and I settled in the front seat and secured my seat belts. Emphasis on the fact that I was alone.

I'm still alone.

*So, I should be running, no?*

Even the old pilot has disappeared somewhere, probably to get the car.

*Why am I not off of the private jet by now? Or at least, out of my seat?*

This is the perfect opportunity, my golden chance to regain my freedom and end this chapter of my life here and now. I can start fresh, forget about my past and develop new hobbies and routines. Get a job, a brand new identity and escape this nightmare I've been living for as far as I can remember.

*When everyone else can leave me behind, why can't I?*

Unbuckling my seat belt, I climb to my feet and stretch my limbs. On my way off the jet, I grab a bottle of chilled water from the drinks bar and drain it down my dry throat as I descend the inbuilt stairs.

Gradually, the quarrel of my thoughts and emotions fades into the background and my surroundings come into focus. I realise that the hectic events of the most overwhelming day of my life has begun to catch up with me.

And strangely enough, *I'm glad.*

I don't have to decide right now.

The decision has been made for me already.

I'm too exhausted to see straight, let alone run away. So, I have no other option, but to return to my master. Is he waiting for me? Mason must have informed him about my arrival. He has to know I chose to return.

We'll find out soon enough. I trudge out of the suspiciously quiet airport. But when I pass through sliding doors and reach the curb, I find nobody waiting for me. Nor do I find any bustling crowd hurrying around for cabs, dragging their luggage along with them.

*Where am I??*

Nobody jumps out of the dark to scare me and tell me I was being pranked. No car pulls up at the curb to take me back to Adrian. *Does that mean it's not a joke? They really left me behind!?*

My heartbeat comes to a slamming halt, sweat breaks out over my skin even though the atmosphere around me is dark and cold. My fingers tighten around the perspiring water bottle.

*Shit.*

*I should have known. I should have been suspicious about why they let me go unsupervised for so long.*

*This is their way of getting rid of me.*

Mason must have told Adrian who I really am. A stupid coward, drowning in her own issues. Ignorant and delusional. His feelings for me must have died after knowing all that about me.

*He doesn't want me anymore and that's why I'm standing here, waiting for the long gone pilot to come and take me back to Adrian…*

Thoughts echo in my head but none of them register. Because my mind is too busy in trying to come up with more rational reasons for Adrian to leave me like this. I'm fighting myself over the same thing I thought I wanted all along. Freedom. I have it. But now, I no longer want it.

Just like the saying, *justice delayed is equal to justice denied*. My freedom has been delayed and now I deny it.

Adrian can't do this to me now. If he doesn't want me anymore, he'll have to say it to my face. He never had any problem telling me how much he hated me, so he shouldn't have any trouble at all to tell me he has lost all interest in me.

Sharp shards of rejection slice my carefully taped heart, taking away any chances of putting it together ever again. *But I can't give up now. Can't just run away without clarifying his feelings for me first.*

I've lived my entire life in darkness, never knowing what everyone really thinks about me. But I won't end this phase of my life on that note. I've already made the mistake of assuming things a hundred times over. The cycle ends here tonight. *I'm going to ask and I'm going to have my answer.*

If Adrian wants to dump me, then he has to do it properly, or I *won't* accept it.

I need to hear him say that he doesn't want me anymore and is ready to let me just walk away. I have to hear him say that even if it'll crush my soul irrevocably and I'll never be whole again.

*But first*, I'll have to find him.

*And how the heck I'm going to do that, when I don't even know where he lives?*