Chapter 25 : Still Suspicious...

Rosella…

I start to become nervous when we enter what it appears to be the main building. *The Disney Princess castle looks less fancy and more intimidating in real life.* And I can't stop wondering about what I'm going to witness.

*Will they make me watch the broken women struggling to regain their esteem after getting broken by awful bastards out there? How will that make me feel? Do I want to see them, perceive their pain and horror?* I'm not sure about any of that.

I wish I could forget about all this and go back to being irritated at Mason for laughing at me like that. But with each step that we take and erase the distance between us and the double doors at the end of the foyer, it gets harder and harder for me to push those frightening questions away.

I can't stop thinking about Adrian either. He would have been a better provider of distractions. Because only that man has the ability to evoke an array of clashing emotions inside me just by breathing, by existing to make my life a constant trip, back and forth between Hell and Heaven.

*God, I'm all screwed up in the head!

I ran away from the guy I'm obsessing over right now!

I broke my promises and left him… to come here!

So, I guess, this is my punishment…*

Unaware of my internal monologue and conflict, Mason walks side by side with me, lost in texting someone with his phone which hasn't stopped beeping since we entered the front doors.

I'm a little intrigued. *Who's he chatting with? Adrian…?*

We cross the foyer then a set of double doors and enter a capacious space that seems like an artifact gallery.

Once again, my jaw hits the floor as I gawk at the decadent surroundings. Huge gold-framed portraits of exotic art and masterpieces adorn the walls that are covered with black velvet. A set of wide stairs on the opposite side of the gallery leads to the upper floors. Two ruby chandeliers hanging from the ceiling cast an ethereal red glow, creating a sultry atmosphere with whispers of taboo.

My breathing shallows, heartbeat slows down as though lulled into aquisance by the strange shower of crimson.

“Wow…” I breathe, completely captivated and horrified by the sight.

“I'll take it as you like it.” Mason's quiet chuckles cruelly wrench me out of my awe, his phone gone and eyes on me.

I huff in response, prompting him to suppress his amusement. *What the hell does he find so funny?*

Shrugging off all my fascination, I ask, “Why have you brought me here? Are you ever going to tell me what's the real deal with this place? Okay, it's a Rehab. I get it. But what do you do here? How can you heal anyone in this kind of… *environment?* It's all so intimidating and strange.”

“You've just arrived and already wish to know everything?” He clicks his tongue and shakes his head, chiding me off handedly. “That's not how this works. Hasn't Adrian shown you the ropes… how do we work and stuff like that?”

“He was too busy molesting me to explain anything.” I scoff, cringing at the pinching sensation in my chest at his mention.

*No, don't think about him when you're angry.*

To push away his memories, I stroll further into the gallery, peering at the exclusive ornaments sitting along the walls on top of cut-short pillars.

“*Molesting* you, huh? A harsh word to describe his courtesies, don't you think?” Mason echoes behind me, shuffling closer. “Have you ever stopped to consider why he did that in the first place? Not molest but whatever he did that has made you so… like this.” His tone changes this time, dropping to a disgusted pitch.

*I disgust him now!?

Well, nowadays, I disgust myself too.

But that won't stop me from defending myself.*

I swivel on my feet to face him, feeling that heat of anger that has a peculiar way of showing up at the wrong moments rise inside my chest. “Adrian likes to see me suffer. He might be a hero here. For me, he's just a cruel bastard with no real feelings or emotions of his own. Don't try to paint him as a saint with shadows. And why should I consider all that anyway? I am the victim here.”

“*Victim*!?” A look of disbelief stuns his face and for a moment, I start to doubt what I said too.

But I quickly shrug it off, just as I hear Mason's angry voice boom.

“You're far more delusional than what I thought. And you want to know why you should consider Adrian's behaviour around you? It's because you're the one who was auctioned off, not Adrian. He bought you, not the other way around and still I watched him surrender to your nuisance today, instead of eradicating them. Why? You're his property, unlawfully so, but you are. And yet, he treats you like you are so much more than that. *Fucking why!?*” A dark look of rage transforms his expression as he gets right into my face and stares me right in the eyes. “You think just because I saw the marks on your neck, you have my sympathy vote? I suggest you think again, pretty girl.”

“What are you talking about?” I feign confusion as I back away from him, my heart thundering in my chest.

*Shit shit shit!

This is so not happening again.

I can't believe I walked right into this again.

No, I don't want to hear this.

And I won't.

I can't!*

“Tell me something, why did you try to hide those bruises? Why did you tell me that you loved Adrian the first time I talked to you? And don't tell me you said all that to save yourself by gaining Adrian's trust but your plan didn't go that way. We both know that's not true.”

“I've had enough of this conversation. When are you taking me home?” I cross my trembling hands over my chest, doing my best to block off his words as they persistently nag at my brain, eliciting unwanted realisations and guilt over crimes committed out of sheer stubbornness and idiocy.

Mason moves as if he wants to retaliate my neglect, but thinks again and backs off. His expression eases into a solid impassive mask. “You can't leave until Mrs. Martin has checked you up. If she finds you unstable, in any way, she'll keep you here for treatment for as long as she wants. This process usually takes up to one to two days.

Use this time wisely, Pearl and think about the decisions you've made so far. For once, try to take responsibility for your actions and face the consequences like a grown-up. Running away is not the only option. You can choose to stay despite everything that's going on. Don't let your insecurities get in the way of what your heart desires.”

Ending his speech at that intense note, Mason releases a harsh breath and throws me a look of severe disappointment then turns his back on me.

My mind goes haywire. Hormones rampage through my bloodstream, throwing my emotions off kilter. Memories from my childhood and adolescence bombard me from every angle, leaving no space for me to breath.

I clutch my neck, nails digging into my flesh. Tears slam into my eyeballs, leaking out of the corners undeterred by my will to stay in control. I snap into half, utterly torn in every sense.

“Why…?” I whisper brokenly, “Why me, Mason? Why does he want me? I'm a nobody. I've got so much baggage from my past. I can't see through my own issues to care about anyone else apart from myself. And yet, his feelings for *ME* never ceased. I don't understand it and his intensity scares the sense out of me.”

He doesn't face me. He speaks with his face turned to the side, only half of his face visible to me in the red light. “How can I possibly answer that, Pearl? How can you even ask me that? I know Adrian, but I'm not him. I know he's fucked up and that he's twisted in the worst way possible. But it's not like you're innocent, or anyone is, for that matter. We all have our dark sides and so does Adrian. Then why this partialty, Pearl? If he's ready to accept you as you are, then why do you want him to change for you? Why are you questioning it all?”

“I don't want to change—”

“Don't you dare lie to me. I'm not Adrian. I won't take shit from you.”

His harsh rebuke slices right through me and I miss Adrian more than ever. Miss the way he had always been patient with me, understood me, even if he couldn't help me… Or maybe he knew that it wasn't help that I needed.

What I needed, still need, is to let go of my insecurities and embrace the changes. When Adrian told me about my real identity, that I have none, I might have acknowledged the fact, but I never really accepted it. I gave myself a new name, for no reason. And what name did I give myself? Pearl! The endearment with which Adrian addresses me, or used to, until I stole its value as well with my stupidity.

The choices were all there, Adrian never took them away from me. I could have agreed to explore his desires, what he needed from me, instead of conjuring up worst case scenarios of blood and gore and letting my insecurities get the best of me, push me back in my comfort zone.

*Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!!!

That's what I am.

A brat!!!

He was right.

Every. Fucking. Time.*

One by one, scenes from my past replay in my head. I watch them all with new eyes, seeing how I messed up everything every time Adrian tried to make it right for me. How he saved me from my own self, how he helped me out of my shell and become this person, a survivor. And in all that time, all I did was exploit his patience and understanding, use his desire for me against him and steal his strength from him only because he allowed himself to be vulnerable with me.

Yes, he played mind games, but they were always in my favour, always for my betterment. Solely because I was too blinded by my stubbornness to see what's right or what's wrong for me. He had to play the role of a monster to make me do the things that I should have been doing myself.

I never even thought about him.

He never made anything about himself.

It was always about me. Always.

Wanting me, needing me.

Craving me, having me.

*Oh god… so help me…

I don't deserve him…

I never did… and deep down, I knew it…

I fucking knew it.*

“Tears won't make this better, Pearl.”

I look up from where I crawled in between two pillars to hide in shadows, to hide from myself as my mind and soul unravelled. I glare up at Mason, who has turned to face me and is now looming over me like a giant shadow. Hands on his hips, solid expression washed in red.

I shoot daggers at him from my crouched position, then slowly collect myself and rise up to my feet. “Don't call me that. Only Adrian has the right to call me Pearl because he gave me the name. He gave it to me! He acknowledged me. He accepted me. Despite *everything!*”

Mason simply cocks his head at my ridiculous outburst, a sardonic smile pulling at his lips. “Oh, I see. Not to be obnoxious or anything, but don't you think you were the one who told me that's your new name and you wanted to be addressed by it only?”

Mortification paints my cheeks. My glare skitters away, flipping from furious to feeble in a second. But Mason refuses to let it slide so easily. He rubs salt into my wounds, making me miss Adrian harder and harder, until the grief is physically unbearable for me.

“See? This is what I was talking about.” He clasps my chin and forces me to make eye contact. “This, right here, this shame and fear — this is the reason for the downfall of both you and Adrian. You both have been screwed by your families so badly, you can't even see your own worth. Don't you understand?

You both need each other to be whole. But you both just can't accept not being incomplete without each other. I don't know who drilled this misconception in your heads, but I'm going to kill that person when I get my hands on them. For now, just think how the fuck you can imagine about wanting something without having the will to sacrifice? Can't you sacrifice your issues to have him? Do you love your problems more than him? Are you ready to live the rest of your life with grief and depression, knowing that you could have chosen him and had a better future, if not the normal one?”

His questions and accusations hit me spot on, stirring unpleasant emotions that enkindle fierce want in my heart, a desire so deep that one could tear down the world to have it, a yearning so keen that everything seems whimsical in comparison to it.

“You love him, Pearl and there's nothing wrong with loving even if you're broken and think that you don't deserve affectionation. You deserve it and you're allowed to give it too. Especially in this case. Adrian needs it more than anything. He needs your love. Only yours. He—”

“SHUT UP!” I scream, cutting him off before he can finish another sentence that would surely and definitely end me. “Just shut. Up.”

Mason glares at me, unabashed by my maniac screaming. “But you need to hear—”

“Fucking shut up and listen to me!”

I grab his collar, this time catching him by complete surprise. His eyes pop, brows shoot up in his forehead.

“He hates me.” I sob, forgetting all about screaming now that he's not probing the shattered pieces of my heart.

“No, he doesn't.” He sounds just as sure as smug.

And that depresses me. “How do you know that?”

“I don't.” He admits, then pauses, and I see the wheels turning behind his faded eyes. “But what if he does hate you? It's still an emotion. And emotions can be transformed, especially a strong emotion like hatred. You can't hold onto it for long terms. We can't survive in constant darkness. Light is essential to recharge ourselves so that we can survive in the dark again. For so long, work and caring for Bert kept Adrian in touch with the lighter side of his life. But after you came along, I saw that he was consumed by you, all of you, broken, lost and all.

Now, either you become his light or let him suffocate in his darkness. Once again, the decision is yours to make. Not his. Because Adrian is not like most men. He's one in a million, girl. He's a giver, even if his generosity comes in shades of fucked upness.”

Absolutely stunned, I stare at Mason, as slowly everything clicks in. The fog of indecision that always makes it hard for me to think straight, is absorbed by the words Mason uttered. My personal issues take a back seat to let my heart drive and lead me down the one and only path to my salvation, to my deepest desire, to the only person who cared for me, the way I needed to be cared for.

In that same ceaseless moment, I breathe, “let's go back.”

“No.” His expression goes blank.

My galloping heart slams to an abrupt halt in my chest.

“Why?” My voice cracks.

“Because you don't sound like you want it bad enough.”

I clench his starched collars harder in my fists and lean in dangerously close.

Heart burning in my chest, I whisper out the black smokes, “Take me back. Take me back to Adrian. I want him. I need him. Now.”

A sinister smile spreads across his face. “Ah, that's what I was talking about.”

He frees his collars from my fists then exaggeratedly bows to me, extending a hand in invitation to escort us out of the castle and back to the plane. *Hopefully.*

“I think we have wasted enough time. Shall we?” He grins victoriously when I slip my hand into his. “Excellent. Let's hurry now!”

And hurry we do.

But still, my mind refuses to settle down, building up trouble all the way back to the city.

I can only pray for it to not cause anymore upheaval between me and Adrian now. Because even after gaining a moment of clarity, my visions are still covered in black.