Chapter 62 - Consequences (Apology Chapter)

Chapter 62 - Consequences (Apology Chapter)
Chapter 62 - Consequences

She was breathless against him and when she finally opened her eyes, he was looking right down at her.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Desire still lingered in her veins, but this time it was satisfied.

It remained, still.

Like something that would never leave.

There seemed to be a connection between them. Like a string, pulling them closer and closer together.

Her heart tugged with different feelings, so overwhelming that she did not understand them and too much in a way that felt suffocating.

Consequences.

The word lingered in her mind.

She had satisfied her desire — the hunger for him and her attempt to kill him– and now the consequences were hers to be faced with.

She tried to quickly pull away from him but he would not let her go. Rage tore through her. She blamed the mark on her neck for how insane and feral she had acted, she blamed him for everything beyond that and blamed herself for being so stupid to have tried to kill him tonight.

She should have waited.

“I thought you felt something for me this afternoon.” She could feel the vibration of his words against her. The hurt look in his eyes made her stomach twist painfully. She tried to pull away from him again, the guilt wrestling in her but he still wouldn't let her go. “I thought we were a family.”

Family.

That word.

“I must have been a fool.”

“I felt something for you,” the words slipped past her lips, unthinkingly.

She looked away from him because she just couldn't bear the weight of his gaze.

“Family,” it was a low whisper.

She felt him go stiff against her. The effect of the word was mutual.

“And that was why I did it.”

“Your words make no sense.”

Her gaze jerked back to him. “Because I know it won't last. I saw the look in your eyes after you returned from your priest friend and I knew that it would be stupid for me to ever think that we could love each other.”

Something ticked in his jaws and his grip around her tightened.

“I am not a hopeful, naive girl allowing herself to be deluded by fleeting feelings.” She wanted to add ‘forced attraction’ but whatever she felt for Ikrus did not feel forced. It felt like something that would have happened no matter what.

It didn't help that he had explained the nature of the bond to her this afternoon.

It would have been easier for her to hate everything, the bond, the mark and him, if he had not explained it all to her.

If he had not said their fate sought out each other, if he had just said that the Moon goddess they worshipped was the one that assigned these feelings.

She gritted her teeth, forcing her tears away.

It would have been so much easier for her if this afternoon had never happened.

By Ignas, she didn't know being intimate with him would bring out this much vulnerability from her. She would never have allowed it. But then how was she to know that this would happen right after she had put an overdose of poison in his wine.

“Fleeting feelings,” his grave voice snapped her back to the moment.

She tried to wringle out of his grip but he kept her firmly against him.

“That is what it is to the both of us. You know that. Despite the bond, you were going to kill me.” She laughed. “You are going to kill me, Ikrus. I know you are going to do it. I am no fool to be distracted by the act that you put up this afternoon—”

“An act?” He sounded insulted but she didn't care, not anymore.

They had crossed a line already, there was no going back.

Besides, this rage in her was becoming more and more consuming.

Too consuming, she couldn't think.

“Yes, an act!”

Why wouldn't he let her go yet?

His presence suddenly felt too much. Like she could feel everything he was feeling, and that was certainly making her lose her mind.

“I am not stupid to be fooled by it! I am a mother. But perhaps I have been stupid to make my move tonight–”

She should stop. She shouldn't annoy him further, she had barely escape death a good while ago, she should stop this madness now.

But she couldn't.

She was too angry.

She couldn't explain it.

It felt like it would explode from her chest, and it wasn't helping that he was still holding her.

“Aniya?” There was still rage in his voice but now a linger of concern.

“Small drops!” She lashed out, this emotion in her head was possessing everything. Possessing her. “It wasn't supposed to be everything tonight, just small drops to see what it would do to you.”

His hand round her neck, and when she felt his warmth against her mark, it just made everything worse.

She tried to fight it.

What was going on?

“If it was all an act then why didn't I let you die on this very table with that poison in you.”

“I—” she shook her head, fighting, “I–” she shoved her hand into her hair. “I don't know!”

Then like a rabid beast, she clawed against his hand. “Let me go! Ikrus, let me go!” She yelled.

He set her free immediately and she tumbled away from him, and didn't stop until she was far away by the wall, crawling into a ball, her hands holding her head.

“What have you done?” She looked up at him, these unintelligible feelings in her head, too much. “What have you done to me?!”