179 - Needing Space

*Don’t stay because of me. All my little birds need to spread their wings and fly. As the oldest, you have to show them how to do it. I love you, Priscilla, but it’s time for you to fly away. – Becks*

Priscilla had said that the walls were suffocating her. Molly understood exactly what his oldest meant. Everywhere he went in the house, the yard, the property, hell, even at the clubhouse, Becks was everywhere.

The house that she had built for their family.

The picnic table that she helped Imogen build for her shop project.

Her van that no one wanted to drive, but everyone wanted to ride in.

The fields that she had ridden on his lap as he plowed, planted, harvested…

Her touches throughout the clubhouse – pink pillows on a couch.

A knitted blanket for Camille’s reading alcove.

The places that they had dates at.

Knitted baby blankets for so many of the club kids.

The streets that they had cruised on the back of his bike.

For twenty years.

Twenty years they had built a life. Created a family. Helped a community. Lived the best life that Molly could have ever wished for.

She had asked him for a big family. He promised her one so big that she would want a wife of her own. Over the past two decades, Molly and Becks had had five partners. They had a total of nineteen children. Had lost three. Another was on the way.

He still wanted all his pretties around him.

But he understood why Priscilla had moved out. It was hard to breathe in the house. But you couldn’t catch your breath outside either.

She had called Camille down in Louisianna. There was less than a year between the two girls. But with everything that life had thrown at Camille, she was years wiser.

Priscilla had moved into Geo’s old room over at Chance and Rye’s place. It was less than a mile down the road from their compound. He still saw her every day. She drove her Jeep down to the barn every morning with cups of coffee and whatever Rye or Chance had made for breakfast that day.

Even there, at the yellow Dutch colonial that had been his grandfather’s house, Molly was reminded of his beautiful and wonderful Becks. Their first Christmas had been there. Pops had hosted the grandkids and then great grandkids birthdays there. Tammy had announced her first pregnancy there.

With the little wooden oven.

Every pregnancy since then had been announced with that little oven.

And a new bun, roll or piece of bread had been added to the breadbasket. Until there were so many that they needed a second basket.

He wasn’t sure if there would be another reason for them to bring the little oven down. He had not touched any of his pretties since before Christmas. Even before that, it had become a rare occurrence.

It was as if they all understood. He needed to heal. To learn to live with four of his pretties, but without his heart.

A tapping on the pickup window pulled him from his dark thoughts. Rolling down the glass, he saw Law blocking the heavy snow out of his face with his hand.

“My sister sent me out here to get you.”

Looking past the man and through the flakes, he saw Evie standing in her doorway with one twin on her hip, and the other clinging to her leg. Molly nodded and then rolled his window up. Killing the engine, he climbed out of the pickup and followed the other man into the house.

“Go sit by the fire,” Evie ordered as they came into the house. She handed one twin to her brother, and he took the hand of the other as he passed.

“Where are the guys?” Molly asked quietly.

“They went to go get lunch. Today,” Law smiled as he looked at his sister moving around in the kitchen as she made more coffee, “is one of those days that they don’t let her do anything. All she has to do today is exist.”

“Why?” Molly asked as he sat on the hearth. The fire felt good, and he did not realize how cold he had gotten while sitting out in the pickup.

“Today is Cade’s birthday.” The older man explained as he sat in the rocking recliner and settled both boys on his lap.

“I should…. I should…” he stood up and was looking at the door.

“You should sit your ass back down,” Evie called from the kitchen.

Law chuckled as the other man did as he was told. “Hard to believe that she’s a submissive when she gets like that.”

“Yeah…”

“She knows where you’re at. Hell, we both do.” He hugged his twin nephews close and kissed both of their heads as their eyes drooped close, soothed by the gentle motion of their uncle rocking them. “Honestly, I envy the two of you.”

“What?” Molly looked at him in confusion. “Why?”

“Both of you got to say goodbye. I was in Gulfport when Katrina hit. The boys were twelve, we put them on a plane for Texas when we knew it was going to hit us. I had to stay because I was Coast Guard. It’s what we do.”

He gave a small smile. “Regulations say that we have to go out if there is a distress call. No where in the regulations does it say that we have to come back. Alma, my wife, was a civilian employee of the county, she was a dispatcher. She had to stay.”

Letting out a deep breath, blinked a few times and ignored the tear that slipped out of his eye and down his cheek. She was headed in… into the office when the storm surge started to hit. Thought that she had time to make it. Technically, she probably did.”

Swallowing hard, he glanced up as his sister handed Molly a cup of coffee. “They don’t know the exact order of the events. Telephone pole came down. Not sure if that was before or after, but it was down. Her car was washed off the side of the road.”

Law took a deep breath as Evie kissed the top of his head. “Katrina hit August 29th. They found her body September third. She was flown to Austin on the sixth. Buried on the eight. I had to be back at work on the ninth.”

“I got to come home in October,” he looked up at his sister through his tears and reached for her hand that she squeezed. “Mom and the dads took care of the boys and this one,” he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand and then held it to his cheek, “she crawled in bed and cried with me.”

Evie smiled down at him.

“The last time that I saw my wife, she was still asleep as I left the house to go to work. We talked a few times over the next few days. The night before, she told me that she loved me, and we were in the thick of it in the Gulf and my response was 'you too' because the alarms were going off again. I didn’t even think to tell her that I loved her because …. Hell, I’d see her in a few days.”

Evie let go of his hand and ran her fingers through his hair in a show of compassion.

“I never got to tell her again. I couldn’t even be there for our boys. The day of her funeral, I was in Texas for less than eight hours. People’s lives still depended on me showing up and going to work. My crewmates were depending on me. I was the XO, I had to get back to the cutter.”

“I’m sorry,” Molly said quietly as he brushed his own tears away.

“Don’t be,” Law smiled at him. “I had fourteen wonderful years with my Alma. She gave me two great boys. A lifetime of memories.” He shook his head slightly as the door leading to the garage opened. “The only thing that I would do differently, is tell her that I loved her one more time.”

“Hey, pet,” Ink said as he joined them and gave his wife a kiss. As Tank joined them and kissed Evie, Ink turned and looked at Molly. “We picked up some soup and sandwiches from Mia’s place. You want to join us?”

“I don’t want to intrude,” Molly said standing up, “I just … needed…”

Evie stepped over to him and placed a hand on his arm. Looking up with tears in her eyes, she smiled. “Just needed to be able to breathe.”

He nodded and fought back his tears. “Yeah…”

“I get it,” she looked at her brother, “we get it.” She looked back up at the large man with a broken heart. “Please stay.”