Chapter 24

Reagan:

“You wanna go on an adventure with me?” I asked Allison as she kicked her legs while sitting on the counter. “It’ll be a ton of fun.”

She gasped, putting her hands on her face. “What kind of adventure?”

I finished putting the last of the seasonings in the crockpot so Noah wouldn’t be stuck making dinner later. “Well, you know how I came from another place?”

“Yup. Pip says it was very bad, but she won’t tell me why.”

I put the lid on the crockpot, then went to stand with Allison. I leaned down, propping my chin up on my hands. “Yes, it was very bad. When you’re older, I’ll tell you if you still want to know. For now, I want to know more about where my family came from. We used to live here.”

“You did?”

“Yup. My grandpa was a wolf, just like you.”

Allison gasped. “Wow, that’s so cool. Is that why you bit Alex?”

I frowned. “Who told you that?”

“Simon.”

“Okay, well I’m gonna kick your brother’s butt when he gets back from school. For now, I’m going to take you to the library. There’s some people there who might know more about my family.”

Allison blinked her big eyes at me, her legs swinging again. “I thought we were your family now.”

My heart hammered with guilt. “You are, honey. I love you guys more than anything in the whole world. I just wanna know where I came from.”

“You aren’t going to leave, are you?” Allison asked in that voice that only a toddler could have. Soft and quiet and commanding all the same.

“Never,” I promised, holding her hand. “Your big brother is my mate, and I’m never going to leave this family. As soon as he can get it through his thick skull that we’re mates, everything is gonna be great.”

“Yay!” Allison threw her hands in the air, pulling one of them away from me. “Can we also get hamburgers for lunch?”

“Maybe.”

She screamed in delight again.

I put Allison on my hip after I got her shoes on, and we left the house. It was easier when I had someone with me. Even a toddler. With her to focus on, I didn’t think about how everyone I walked past would look at me, and how some would bow. Did I say thank you? That felt weird. I waved awkwardly, Allison waved too as she shouted hellos to absolutely everyone. She even got some bows in return.

I set her down once we got into the town center. I hadn’t been expecting to see Alex sitting at the reception desk, and it seemed like she hadn’t been expecting me either. I looked her way, and she flinched, then winced and touched the stitches on her forehead. She gave a quick bow before I left the room.

Allison knew where the library was, so she instructed me through the building. I hurried to keep up with her, since she thought skipping was the only way we could do this. When we reached the large oak doors, Allison slammed her body against them.

I helped Allison with the doors, finding myself in a library that made my heart feel happy. Three of the four walls had been crammed with books, while even more rows rook up the center of the room. Everything smelled like old paper and dust.

“Mr. Harris,” I said, seeing the older man sitting at a desk in front of a massive window. “Hello, sir.” I gave a quick bow, shaking his hand when he stood to greet me.

“None of that,” he said, his voice warm and kind. “Jeffrey, please. I’m so happy to see you. I found you those books you asked me about at the party. I would have told you sooner, but, well…”

My nose wrinkled. “Yeah, a challenge really throws a damper on things.”

He chuckled lightly, the lines on his face deepening.

I liked that he dressed sort of fancy for a job he could have been casual for. Jeffrey had on tweed, but soon shucked the jacket to reveal a tucked in button up. He gave a sigh, sitting on the edge of his desk.

“Oh, and what might you be here for, ma’am?” he asked when he saw Allison hiding behind my legs. “I suppose you heard about the candy?”

Allison poked her head out. “Candy?”

“Why, yes. But I only give it out to my friends.”

The little girl emerged from behind me. “I can be your friend,” she mumbled.

“Are you sure? Because all my friends have to play with the toys I keep in my desk.”

Allison gasped, turning to me and tugging on my shirt. “Can I play with them?”

“Of course,” I said. “I have to talk to Jeffery anyway. Are you gonna be okay to play for a bit before we go see Noah?”

She took off, waiting patiently by the desk for her treats. She got to pick out some toys and a few pieces of candy. Since I’d already made her lunch, I figured it would be okay. With Noah working, I was in charge of the kids during non-school hours. He’d have to be fine with the choices I made.

“Is this something Allison shouldn’t hear?” Jeffery quietly asked after setting her up with some toys.

“No, it’s all right. I’m not even sure you can help me. I just know that you’ve been a part of the pack for a really long time. I’m hoping you might have known my grandparents. Amin Zandi and Alice Harker. Alice was an Alium, like me. I don’t think she was ever really a part of the pack. This was around forty or so years ago.”

Jeffery went quiet, obviously thinking about what I’d asked. It was such a long shot to think that someone could remember a person they might not have even known, and from decades ago.

“I know the name,” Jeffery said. “Amin isn’t exactly common. Also, so few people leave a pack. It’s like tearing yourself apart from family.”

“What would make someone leave then? Because I heard it had to do with mating with my grandmother. Was it different then? Were my kind less welcomed than they might be now?”

“No,” Jeffery said simply. “It’s not strange for a wolf to mate with non-wolves. There are plenty of packs that even have humans living in them. We’re just small. I’m sure you know Noah’s mother was Alium.”

“I do,” I said with a nod. “She was alpha too, right?”

“As much an alpha as her husband was.”

I tried to keep my expression neutral. “Was that how she was treated? Did she get the same respect that Noah’s father did?”

“She wasn’t as much of an asshole, so I might even say more. Admittedly, things are better now than they used to be. There are less wolves who look down on matings between wolves and non-wolves. The way you were treated was unfair, and I promise that almost everyone is perfectly fine with an Alium being in the pack. As far as an alpha goes, there are even packs with a human as one of the alphas. You can’t control who you fall in love with.”

I knew that all too well. “It sounds like my grandmother being Alium really wouldn’t have had anything to do with her leaving.”

“I don’t recall anyone having issues with any of your kind being part of the pack. Given that she and your grandfather didn’t even have a title, I can’t imagine anyone being bothered at all.”

I took a deep breath, the worry in my chest building. “Then I don’t understand why my grandparents would leave. All I’ve heard is that they took off because they were unwelcomed.”

“I wasn’t great friends with Amin, but I knew him. If I recall, I met Alice a handful of times too. We were small, even then. It’s hard not to know everyone in a community this small. I knew Amin better before his sister was killed.”

“Killed,” I repeated. “When did that happen?”

“Oh gosh, she was a teenager. Not even seventeen. I wasn’t there when she died, but I remember the morning after the news started getting around. It wasn’t a wolf murder. I know that.”

“Is that strange?”

Jeffery lowered his voice, glancing at a distracted Allison before he turned back to me. “Wolves are the strongest thing on this planet short of some actual monsters. There’s some Alium out there that have magic strong enough to kill us, but it’s a rare thing that they can manage to get the drop on us. It’s possible, of course. Guns are a thing and accidents happen. But this, this was different. The girl, Sara, she was torn to pieces.”

I thought my heart had stopped beating before it slammed against my ribs hard enough to hurt. “Do you mean literally?”

He nodded, rubbing his jaw. “I’ll be the first to admit that wolves are a hotheaded bunch. We start shit when it really doesn’t need to go there. But this girl was sweet. She didn’t have a violent bone in her body. She was found in the woods, scattered everywhere.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Was it maybe an animal?”

“No teeth marks. There…” Jeffery cleared his throat. “Nothing was missing. Her wallet was in her pocket. This was no accident. It wasn’t an animal. A person did this, and I don’t have a damn clue why. No one ever did, as far as I know.”

I didn’t know this woman and I never would. I shouldn’t have been this shaken to hear about the murder of a stranger, just because she was my great aunt. Still, it was there. My hands trembled until I crossed them, and I kept picturing it all in my head.

“My family has a habit of being murdered,” I said, half to myself. “I have to wonder if it’s a coincidence.”

“I don’t know, honey.”

I exhaled through my nose. “Do you remember what happened after? Can you remember what Amin did?”

“He was with that Alice girl by then. They weren’t living here a month later, but I have no idea why they left. It was overnight and I don’t recall them saying goodbye. Most of the time when a member of the pack leaves, it’s a thing. There’s a party, gifts, stuff like that. They took off, quiet and fast.”

“That doesn’t feel right… right? I mean, something about it sounds off.”

“I agree, but I don’t have any answers for you. I wish I did, but I didn’t know your grandpa too well.”

“Are there people here who might have?” I felt like I was on the cusp of getting actual answers, but I didn’t know if I really wanted them. What could I even have done if I found out there was more to my family leaving and going to the compound? Would it do a thing to help heal me? I doubted it. It would do nothing but let me know the truth.

“Maybe. Tell you what, you give me a little time and I can see what I can dig up. I have access to all the pack records, going back a few hundred years. I’m sure I can find something after the moon sacrifice.”

I cringed internally at the reminder, trying not to think about how Noah wouldn’t just make me his mate. As if it was an active choice at all. I could only hope that by the time the sacrifice rolled around, the moon would somehow feel that the pack had two alphas. Oh… wait…

Am, am I an alpha? “Can I ask you something that has nothing to do with this conversation?” I asked.

“Sure.”

My breath shook before I could even it out again. “I don’t really know all that much about the moon stuff or how the alpha thing work. If an alpha rises when they’re still without a mate, how does that all go down?”

“Oh, well, typically an alpha already has a mate. Most don’t rise until they’re in their thirties or forties, since it’s passed down or created when they make their own pack. I take it you’re asking because of Noah. Did he not tell you any of this?”

I smiled to myself. It felt bitter. “He’s not the most forthcoming with information. Even with me.”

“Ah, I see. Well for him, he would go look for a mate. If it’s with another wolf, the mate bond would click together, and the other person would be alpha. Sometimes a mate bond forms in pieces. Once both sides are in place, that’s it. Tradition wise, there’s announcements, a ceremony, and sometimes other things that go along with it. A declaration. As far as the magic is concerned, it’s official as soon as the bond clicks.”

“What if he were to mate with someone who wasn’t a wolf?”

“Then the bond can only be one sided. That extra magic from the moon doesn’t form, but the bond is still there.”

“What does that mean?”

“Less power to the pack. We give to the moon, and it gives back. The more we give, the more it gives.”

My chest tightened, hearing things I didn’t want to hear. I wouldn’t be enough. It didn’t change anything, but it hurt all the same.

“It’s impossible for the bond to form on both sides if they’re not both wolves?”

“Yes.”

Noah felt like my mate. It felt like more than loving him. More than wanting him. It was like pure power in my chest. A second, stronger heartbeat. I’d thought Mending had completed me, but it turned out there had been more that needed to form. Now, now I felt finished. I felt like I’d become the thing I had been meant to become, complete with all the missing parts.

I didn’t know what it took to be an alpha, but I might have been one already. It all depended on Noah, and if he felt what I did. I didn’t feel like an alpha. Maybe I never would, even if Noah saw me as his mate. That didn’t change the fact that I loved this place. I knew the names of the pack members. I knew their faces, and that they were scared the pack would remain weak. I loved the children I lived with. I cared about what happened to this place. It was my home, and more than anything, I wanted to protect it. I’d risked my life with Alex to protect it. I could stand in front of strangers and make myself talk when. I would do it again and again if it meant making the pack feel like they had someone to protect them.

Alpha, I heard in my head. Yes.

What did I do with that? What could I do when I felt like a pebble, but might have been a tower instead?

Declare.

A swell of excitement and fear burst in my chest. “I’m sorry, Jeffry, but I have to go talk to Noah. Allison, we need to get going.”

She popped up with the bunny toy she’d been playing with. Jeffery said goodbye to her, telling her she could keep the toy, and also reminding me that he would get that info as soon as he could. Maybe I could get some closure after all.

I didn’t need to ask which office belonged to Noah. I could almost sense it, which sounded insane. Still, I ended up at the right door. Allison said it smelled like him, and she shoved the door open before I could try and knock. Noah wasn’t inside.

The office was a lot bigger than I’d been expecting, complete with two couches, a desk, a TV, a few bookshelves, and several windows that showed the bright sky and the trees outside.

I moseyed over to the desk, taking it upon myself to sit down and wait for Noah.

Framed pictures of the kids covered the desk. None of them had Noah, which I didn’t like. A few little toys had been set up too. I thought those might have belonged to some of the kids. I found a little metal puzzle thing that I picked up and tried to solve.

“Noah! Noah! Noah!” Allison shouted, making me look to the door. She charged at him as he walked in, leaping only to be caught in his arms. “Look! I got a new toy and I had candy.”

“You did? Wow, that sounds great. Did you guys come to see me?”

Noah finally looked over at me, a peaceful smile on his face as I stood up from his desk. Allison told him about the library and that we wanted to come say hello.

“Go play on the couch for a few minutes. Okay?” Noah asked, setting Allison down on the floor. She skipped off, taking a seat on the leather couch.

Noah waited until he was close to me before he spoke softly, his hands deep in his pockets. “Did, did you want to talk about last night?”

“I said what I think needed to be said. That all still goes. I want to make sure you know that. No sleeping in the same bed, no kissing. I think it’s important that we draw a line in the sand.”

Noah nodded, but didn’t say a word.

I took a deep breath, channeling as much of Elena’s strength as I possibly could. More than borrowing hers, I wanted my own. “That being said,” I started, my voice louder and clearer, “I officially declare you as my mate.”

Noah froze, his face blank as he blinked. “What?”

“You heard me. I, Reagan Zandi, officially declare you, Noah Kell as my mate. Wolf or not, you’re my mate. I think I’m yours too, and that makes me alpha. So as alpha… I’m just letting you know that I love you and you’re mine. So there.”

My eyes darted around as I worried if I sounded insane. It helped when Allison cheered, throwing her hands in the air.

“Yay!” she shouted. “Reagan is Noah’s mate!”

It looked like Noah fought himself, trying not to smile. When he lost, he looked years younger. He looked like some of the shiny had come back to him.

“I’m your mate?” he asked.

I nodded solidly. “You are. Get your act together and declare me your mate so we can figure out how to save our pack. Also, I’m borrowing this,” I said as I picked up the metal puzzle. I held out my other hand to Allison. “Come on, baby. We’re headed home.”

She hurried over to me and took my hand, still jumping up and down.

Before I walked out the door, I turned back to look at Noah. “I love you,” I said before leaving.